Lord Emp
@emperorgoblin.bsky.social
(he/him) Raised by hyenas.
Pinned
Lord Emp
@emperorgoblin.bsky.social
· Jun 30
For anyone checking out my profile because of an immigration thread, I was an immigration services officer with USCIS specializing in children's citizenship issues and was widely considered the national expert on such while I was there. I later wrote policy for the department. I know my shit.
Once again proof that the Shadowy Cabal for Global Domination (a Secret Society of which I am a part, shhhh) is composed of the best people. @punkey.org and I raided Thunderbolt in Echo Park tonight and many truths were told.
December 11, 2025 at 5:06 AM
Once again proof that the Shadowy Cabal for Global Domination (a Secret Society of which I am a part, shhhh) is composed of the best people. @punkey.org and I raided Thunderbolt in Echo Park tonight and many truths were told.
Took an Uber through downtown LA around 7pm and... none of this shit would fly in NYC. People's ancestors would feel the horns. Your grandma would call you to ask you what it was you did that was so stupid.
December 11, 2025 at 3:09 AM
Took an Uber through downtown LA around 7pm and... none of this shit would fly in NYC. People's ancestors would feel the horns. Your grandma would call you to ask you what it was you did that was so stupid.
Reposted by Lord Emp
White House Begins Christmas Season With Ceremonial Lighting Of Cross
December 10, 2025 at 10:00 PM
White House Begins Christmas Season With Ceremonial Lighting Of Cross
Generally, you only take a cognitive test because you've had a neurological event that might impact your cognitive ability--a concussion, stroke, aneurysm, etc., or due to age. It's not usually a menu item that you just *do*.
Every part of this is bonkers. The intro is bonkers. The transition to his health is bonkers. The mention that other presidents didn't need cognitive exams is bonkers. The claim that this screening test is somehow hard is bonkers. The idea that criticism of him is treason is bonkers. All of it.
December 10, 2025 at 7:11 PM
Generally, you only take a cognitive test because you've had a neurological event that might impact your cognitive ability--a concussion, stroke, aneurysm, etc., or due to age. It's not usually a menu item that you just *do*.
Reposted by Lord Emp
Consumer facing "A.i." is about triggering the excretion of a mediocre product. It's a rejection of PROCESS. Life itself is process, not fucking product. Push "A.i." on kids and you rob them of the joyful experience of life itself. I am not exaggerating.
August 7, 2025 at 5:53 PM
Consumer facing "A.i." is about triggering the excretion of a mediocre product. It's a rejection of PROCESS. Life itself is process, not fucking product. Push "A.i." on kids and you rob them of the joyful experience of life itself. I am not exaggerating.
I'm in a new place and feeling out whether it could be a permanent place. I have found
A good donut shop run by a lady who has NO TIME for me
A board game/RPG shop with discounts on the good stuff
A fried chicken place that will kill me
A descent coffee place that makes a good flat white
A good donut shop run by a lady who has NO TIME for me
A board game/RPG shop with discounts on the good stuff
A fried chicken place that will kill me
A descent coffee place that makes a good flat white
December 9, 2025 at 5:17 AM
I'm in a new place and feeling out whether it could be a permanent place. I have found
A good donut shop run by a lady who has NO TIME for me
A board game/RPG shop with discounts on the good stuff
A fried chicken place that will kill me
A descent coffee place that makes a good flat white
A good donut shop run by a lady who has NO TIME for me
A board game/RPG shop with discounts on the good stuff
A fried chicken place that will kill me
A descent coffee place that makes a good flat white
Reposted by Lord Emp
I am brimming with holiday spirit
December 8, 2025 at 12:47 PM
I am brimming with holiday spirit
"Isn't it beautiful?" said the king, looking out from the balcony. "The Sweepers Guild! Every morning they clean the streets and scrape all the blood out of the gutters that accumulates every night! That's progress!"
December 9, 2025 at 5:00 AM
"Isn't it beautiful?" said the king, looking out from the balcony. "The Sweepers Guild! Every morning they clean the streets and scrape all the blood out of the gutters that accumulates every night! That's progress!"
Reposted by Lord Emp
City’s too excited for Adams to be gone for anyone to be up to that typa business
New York City went 12 days without a murder in November / December. That's tied for the longest stretch in history, according to the NYPD. As someone who was here when there were 6+ murders per day in this town, it continues to amaze me how safe the place is.
December 8, 2025 at 7:40 PM
City’s too excited for Adams to be gone for anyone to be up to that typa business
You know, socialism!
Trump: "I'm delighted to announce this afternoon that the US will be taking a small portion of the hundreds of billions of dollars we receive in tariffs ... and we're going to be giving and providing it to the farmers in economic assistance. We love our farmers. The farmers like me ... $12 billion"
December 8, 2025 at 7:43 PM
You know, socialism!
Reposted by Lord Emp
this places rules and if you're too afraid to visit that's between you and your tiny baby brain
New York City went 12 days without a murder in November / December. That's tied for the longest stretch in history, according to the NYPD. As someone who was here when there were 6+ murders per day in this town, it continues to amaze me how safe the place is.
December 8, 2025 at 7:42 PM
this places rules and if you're too afraid to visit that's between you and your tiny baby brain
Reposted by Lord Emp
A massive problem today is the uneven distribution of shame. Some of us are running dedicated on-site shame servers 24/7 while others have no access to shame at all, even though they desperately need it. What we need to do is put shame in the cloud
December 6, 2025 at 2:54 AM
A massive problem today is the uneven distribution of shame. Some of us are running dedicated on-site shame servers 24/7 while others have no access to shame at all, even though they desperately need it. What we need to do is put shame in the cloud
How long did it take for history to look at Andrew Jackson and be horrified? My history books in grade school in the 1980s were certainly trying to be neutral and it still came off as 'well that was fucked up.'
December 4, 2025 at 3:16 AM
How long did it take for history to look at Andrew Jackson and be horrified? My history books in grade school in the 1980s were certainly trying to be neutral and it still came off as 'well that was fucked up.'
The Hegseth war crimes shit is especially infuriating because we all know he'll just get pardoned in advance and a huge portion of the electorate just won't give a shit.
December 4, 2025 at 2:36 AM
The Hegseth war crimes shit is especially infuriating because we all know he'll just get pardoned in advance and a huge portion of the electorate just won't give a shit.
You know, Alex Lahey is just a gem.
December 4, 2025 at 2:25 AM
You know, Alex Lahey is just a gem.
Austin airport is a bizarre mix of tech bro vests and Buc-ees pullover hoodies, man. Food was good.
December 4, 2025 at 12:20 AM
Austin airport is a bizarre mix of tech bro vests and Buc-ees pullover hoodies, man. Food was good.
Lyrics of 'Jizzlobber' appearing unbidden in my brain in the Austin airport.
'I can feel myself getting... Stupider?'
'I can feel myself getting... Stupider?'
December 3, 2025 at 10:33 PM
Lyrics of 'Jizzlobber' appearing unbidden in my brain in the Austin airport.
'I can feel myself getting... Stupider?'
'I can feel myself getting... Stupider?'
Kai out here suggesting that there is a floor for human stupidity.
What could possibly go wrong.
Unfathomably stupid idea
Unfathomably stupid idea
The co-founder of Kalshi says: " The long-term vision is to financialize everything and create a tradable asset out of any difference in opinion."
December 3, 2025 at 10:32 PM
Kai out here suggesting that there is a floor for human stupidity.
Reposted by Lord Emp
What could possibly go wrong.
Unfathomably stupid idea
Unfathomably stupid idea
The co-founder of Kalshi says: " The long-term vision is to financialize everything and create a tradable asset out of any difference in opinion."
December 3, 2025 at 10:20 PM
What could possibly go wrong.
Unfathomably stupid idea
Unfathomably stupid idea
Airport food post. ABIA. Peached Tortilla, Cauliflower Tacos. December 3, 2025. These are very good.
December 3, 2025 at 10:24 PM
Airport food post. ABIA. Peached Tortilla, Cauliflower Tacos. December 3, 2025. These are very good.
GODDAMNIT fuckin Tom Stoppard died
November 30, 2025 at 2:57 PM
GODDAMNIT fuckin Tom Stoppard died
Did the equivalent of throwing seeds in front of a witch: I asked my wife if she wanted to go on vacation somewhere cool and asked her to find a place to stay.
I will not see her for a few days, but she will text me 34 links to Airbnb listings.
I will not see her for a few days, but she will text me 34 links to Airbnb listings.
November 30, 2025 at 1:55 AM
Did the equivalent of throwing seeds in front of a witch: I asked my wife if she wanted to go on vacation somewhere cool and asked her to find a place to stay.
I will not see her for a few days, but she will text me 34 links to Airbnb listings.
I will not see her for a few days, but she will text me 34 links to Airbnb listings.
The horror of sneezing and feeling a booger bounce off your hand and not being able to find it and oh my god is it stuck to my shirt or in my hair or oh god oh god
November 29, 2025 at 3:36 AM
The horror of sneezing and feeling a booger bounce off your hand and not being able to find it and oh my god is it stuck to my shirt or in my hair or oh god oh god
Realizing that all the characters I'm good at in #Overeatch2 are the ones that put balls in faces. Moira, Zenyatta, and Junkrat. So many balls!
November 28, 2025 at 2:23 PM
Realizing that all the characters I'm good at in #Overeatch2 are the ones that put balls in faces. Moira, Zenyatta, and Junkrat. So many balls!
Doing the traditional listening of 'Alice's Restaurant' for Thanksgiving.
November 27, 2025 at 8:35 PM
Doing the traditional listening of 'Alice's Restaurant' for Thanksgiving.