Earl F***ing Weaver
@earlfckinweaver.bsky.social
Pitching, defense, & the 3-run HR. Loves tomatoes and cussing out umps. Hates pretty much everything else.
THIS IS A F***ING PARODY ACCOUNT, ya sumbitches!
THIS IS A F***ING PARODY ACCOUNT, ya sumbitches!
Pinned
I named my fists The and Umps, because they're only here for one goddamn reason.
December 1, 2025 at 2:21 PM
I named my fists The and Umps, because they're only here for one goddamn reason.
I'm honestly surprised that I'm under 50%.
@earlfckinweaver.bsky.social has swears! They've used 1,143 profanities in their last 2,489 posts.
🥇 "fucking" (327 times)
🥈 "goddamn" (234 times)
🥉 "fuck" (144 times)
🥇 "fucking" (327 times)
🥈 "goddamn" (234 times)
🥉 "fuck" (144 times)
November 30, 2025 at 1:20 AM
I'm honestly surprised that I'm under 50%.
Reposted by Earl F***ing Weaver
RIP Tom Stoppard. You created so many incredible works of art, and we are all enriched by your gifts. May your memory be a blessing to all who know and love you.
November 30, 2025 at 1:03 AM
RIP Tom Stoppard. You created so many incredible works of art, and we are all enriched by your gifts. May your memory be a blessing to all who know and love you.
Lane Kiffen right now
a man wearing a sweater with eyes on it is sitting at a table with a glass of orange juice
ALT: a man wearing a sweater with eyes on it is sitting at a table with a glass of orange juice
media.tenor.com
November 30, 2025 at 1:16 AM
Lane Kiffen right now
Well God fucking dammit...
@earlfckinweaver.bsky.social has swears! They've used 1,143 profanities in their last 2,489 posts.
🥇 "fucking" (327 times)
🥈 "goddamn" (234 times)
🥉 "fuck" (144 times)
🥇 "fucking" (327 times)
🥈 "goddamn" (234 times)
🥉 "fuck" (144 times)
November 30, 2025 at 1:14 AM
Well God fucking dammit...
Okay @profanity.accountant - give me the rundown.
November 30, 2025 at 12:57 AM
Okay @profanity.accountant - give me the rundown.
Reposted by Earl F***ing Weaver
"Did you see that Bears game last week?"
"Hell of a game. Hell of a game."
"Hell of a game. Hell of a game."
November 28, 2025 at 6:59 PM
"Did you see that Bears game last week?"
"Hell of a game. Hell of a game."
"Hell of a game. Hell of a game."
Reposted by Earl F***ing Weaver
My kids have whooping cough, there are no toys on the shelves, and my brother-in-law was deported despite being a US citizen. But at least I know there won't be black Santa Clauses this year.
November 28, 2025 at 6:28 PM
My kids have whooping cough, there are no toys on the shelves, and my brother-in-law was deported despite being a US citizen. But at least I know there won't be black Santa Clauses this year.
Reposted by Earl F***ing Weaver
Happy Inbox Cleanout Day to all who ever bought that thing from that website that one time as a gift and need reminding that they are having a Black Friday sale. Again.
November 28, 2025 at 5:35 PM
Happy Inbox Cleanout Day to all who ever bought that thing from that website that one time as a gift and need reminding that they are having a Black Friday sale. Again.
Okay. I'm done. I can't watch this insipid, putrid play any longer. I'll catch the lowlights tomorrow. Goodnight, #RavensFlock
November 28, 2025 at 3:20 AM
Okay. I'm done. I can't watch this insipid, putrid play any longer. I'll catch the lowlights tomorrow. Goodnight, #RavensFlock
That was a forward fucking pass. #RavensFlock
November 28, 2025 at 2:57 AM
That was a forward fucking pass. #RavensFlock
So, you fuck us on the fucking TD, then that happens?
Refs, like umps, are here for one goddamn reason. #RavensFlock
Refs, like umps, are here for one goddamn reason. #RavensFlock
November 28, 2025 at 2:45 AM
So, you fuck us on the fucking TD, then that happens?
Refs, like umps, are here for one goddamn reason. #RavensFlock
Refs, like umps, are here for one goddamn reason. #RavensFlock
Motherfucking fucking fuck! #RavensFlock
November 28, 2025 at 2:23 AM
Motherfucking fucking fuck! #RavensFlock
Reposted by Earl F***ing Weaver
For one moment, all was right with the world.
November 25, 2025 at 1:21 AM
For one moment, all was right with the world.
"You'll be visited by three spirits"
The three spirits:
The three spirits:
November 25, 2025 at 7:32 PM
"You'll be visited by three spirits"
The three spirits:
The three spirits:
Reposted by Earl F***ing Weaver
Our auction comes to a close tonight at 11:59pm! And if you’re unable to bid on any items but would still like to donate directly to a public media station in need, you can at JohnOliversJunk.com! Thank you all for a wonderful season, we’ll see you in February!
November 25, 2025 at 2:10 AM
Our auction comes to a close tonight at 11:59pm! And if you’re unable to bid on any items but would still like to donate directly to a public media station in need, you can at JohnOliversJunk.com! Thank you all for a wonderful season, we’ll see you in February!
Fuck ICE. Fuck them straight into the fucking sun.
1/ THREAD: This year ICE has sent a record 600 immigrant kids into federal shelters, more than in the previous four years combined. Data suggests some are being separated from their families.
For one 15-year-old, it began with a cracked windshield 👇
For one 15-year-old, it began with a cracked windshield 👇
November 25, 2025 at 2:12 AM
Fuck ICE. Fuck them straight into the fucking sun.
Reposted by Earl F***ing Weaver
"Collecting that experience" is an incredible euphemism for "Asking a guy about the fact that more than a dozen women accused him of sexual misconduct"
November 24, 2025 at 8:59 PM
"Collecting that experience" is an incredible euphemism for "Asking a guy about the fact that more than a dozen women accused him of sexual misconduct"
Reposted by Earl F***ing Weaver
This is something that @andrewhickey.500songs.com sometimes talks about that I absolutely freaking love. "Please Please Me" began as Lennon's attempt to write a Roy Orbison song, and if you slow it way down and sing it to yourself you can still absolutely hear it.
They teach people to write songs this way!
Lake Street Dive’s “You Go Down Smooth” started as a college class exercise in rewriting “Got to Get You Into My Life.”
The two songs aren’t the same, but are built from the same parts, like those Lego sets w/ alternate instructions.
Lake Street Dive’s “You Go Down Smooth” started as a college class exercise in rewriting “Got to Get You Into My Life.”
The two songs aren’t the same, but are built from the same parts, like those Lego sets w/ alternate instructions.
November 24, 2025 at 3:29 PM
This is something that @andrewhickey.500songs.com sometimes talks about that I absolutely freaking love. "Please Please Me" began as Lennon's attempt to write a Roy Orbison song, and if you slow it way down and sing it to yourself you can still absolutely hear it.
Reposted by Earl F***ing Weaver
My moon conspiracy theory is that every astronaut who sees the Earth from space immediately says “That’s a spicy meatball!” and NASA is covering it up.
November 24, 2025 at 12:39 AM
My moon conspiracy theory is that every astronaut who sees the Earth from space immediately says “That’s a spicy meatball!” and NASA is covering it up.
Reposted by Earl F***ing Weaver
Indianapolis & the umps: Only here for one goddamn reason.
November 23, 2025 at 8:59 PM
Indianapolis & the umps: Only here for one goddamn reason.
The #Jets coaching staff took the points on this game, so they're trying to give the #Ravens one last gimme TD #RavensFlock
November 23, 2025 at 8:47 PM
The #Jets coaching staff took the points on this game, so they're trying to give the #Ravens one last gimme TD #RavensFlock