Papazilla667
scottzilla667.bsky.social
Papazilla667
@scottzilla667.bsky.social
Pinned
Her: I bought a wireless bra today.

Him: What's the password?
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There's an a in 'deaf' but you can't hear it.
October 2, 2025 at 8:22 PM
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When I find myself in times of trouble bob the grocer comes to me speaking words of wisdom ᴬᴵˢᴸᴱ ᵀᴴᴿᴱᴱ
October 2, 2025 at 8:47 PM
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"I have a problem with potion control."

-fat wizard
October 3, 2025 at 2:52 AM
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GIRLFRIEND: So tell me something I don't already know about you.

ME: During October I call my Dyson 'Count Vacula'

HER: I need to see other people.
October 3, 2025 at 6:17 PM
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BREAKING: donald trump has died by quicksand. it got all in his hair and everything
October 3, 2025 at 9:00 PM
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*googles “beginner butt plugs” on your work computer*
October 3, 2025 at 8:31 PM
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A euphemist? 🏆👑 Congratulations @scottzilla667.bsky.social from @jollyrobber.bsky.social 🏴‍☠️
Who called it "unplugging the life support machine" and not "pulling the RIP cord"?
August 29, 2025 at 4:49 PM
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[trying to open a packet of hotdogs but I can't because I refuse to slow down on my run]
May 26, 2025 at 8:02 PM
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[Clown School]

Teacher: Oh very well done..That nose..Those shoes..The suit..Hilarious

Me: i just came to pick up my son
May 27, 2025 at 2:10 PM
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tai chi is short for taiwanese chicken
May 27, 2025 at 7:26 PM
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Do NOT practice your sweet yet overly-difficult broadsword moves near a playground. Kids are shit at triage
May 27, 2025 at 7:31 PM
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Got fired on my first day working at the drugstore for calling my new coworkers my pharmily.
May 27, 2025 at 7:40 PM
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after that ship’s botched launch, Kim Jong Un gave the crew a stern warning . trying to maintain an even keel, he then took a bow please don’t unfollow me i have a family😭
May 27, 2025 at 7:03 PM
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Me: You kids don't know how easy you've got it. When I was your age, we had to flip through drawers of cards to find out if the library even had the book we were looking for, regardless of whether it was checked out.

Random kid at the pool: What's a book?
May 27, 2025 at 9:05 PM
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[1513 BC]

kid: I don’t have to follow your stupid rules. it’s not like they’re written in stone

Moses: what
April 8, 2025 at 3:34 PM
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who dis ?
April 25, 2025 at 8:22 PM
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[hearing police sirens in the distance] omg babe they're playing our song
May 15, 2025 at 6:18 PM
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fool me once, that is IT. i have a zero tolerance fool policy you son of a bitch
May 16, 2025 at 1:36 PM
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DETECTIVE: we need to figure out who committed this murder

DEFLECTIVE: I think you did it
May 15, 2025 at 4:02 PM
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[after a truck with a “do not follow” sign pulls in front of me] OH NO
May 16, 2025 at 4:21 PM
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Wanking Beauty
May 16, 2025 at 5:17 PM
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The Little Wankmaid
Snow White & the Seven Wanks
Wanking Beauty
May 16, 2025 at 5:23 PM
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[whenever I see two otters] I wonder if they're brotters
May 16, 2025 at 7:37 PM
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i once got lost between Alaska & Russia cuz i couldn’t get my berings straight . folks,,
May 16, 2025 at 1:48 PM
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Taze me once, shame on you; taze me twice, I've snuck back into the zoo
May 7, 2025 at 6:46 PM