Tim
@playingdad.bsky.social
Very famous writer, director, musician, dancer, actor, star.
Reposted by Tim
Me: Where's the cat?
Her: She doesn't respond to that.
Me: I'm not saying it
Her: Then I'm not telling you
Me: Ok, where is Her Majesty, Empress Clawdia
Her: On her throne
Her: She doesn't respond to that.
Me: I'm not saying it
Her: Then I'm not telling you
Me: Ok, where is Her Majesty, Empress Clawdia
Her: On her throne
November 26, 2024 at 6:30 PM
Me: Where's the cat?
Her: She doesn't respond to that.
Me: I'm not saying it
Her: Then I'm not telling you
Me: Ok, where is Her Majesty, Empress Clawdia
Her: On her throne
Her: She doesn't respond to that.
Me: I'm not saying it
Her: Then I'm not telling you
Me: Ok, where is Her Majesty, Empress Clawdia
Her: On her throne
Me: Where's the cat?
Her: She doesn't respond to that.
Me: I'm not saying it
Her: Then I'm not telling you
Me: Ok, where is Her Majesty, Empress Clawdia
Her: On her throne
Her: She doesn't respond to that.
Me: I'm not saying it
Her: Then I'm not telling you
Me: Ok, where is Her Majesty, Empress Clawdia
Her: On her throne
November 26, 2024 at 6:30 PM
Me: Where's the cat?
Her: She doesn't respond to that.
Me: I'm not saying it
Her: Then I'm not telling you
Me: Ok, where is Her Majesty, Empress Clawdia
Her: On her throne
Her: She doesn't respond to that.
Me: I'm not saying it
Her: Then I'm not telling you
Me: Ok, where is Her Majesty, Empress Clawdia
Her: On her throne
Reposted by Tim
Her: Pssst. You looking to hook up with some good shit?
Me: Maybe. What do you got?
Her:
Me: Maybe. What do you got?
Her:
July 5, 2023 at 2:14 PM
Her: Pssst. You looking to hook up with some good shit?
Me: Maybe. What do you got?
Her:
Me: Maybe. What do you got?
Her:
Reposted by Tim
[Inside gigantic cement building in the middle of nowhere]
Me: *slowly starts opening bag of food*
My dog:
Me: *slowly starts opening bag of food*
My dog:
November 15, 2024 at 3:15 PM
[Inside gigantic cement building in the middle of nowhere]
Me: *slowly starts opening bag of food*
My dog:
Me: *slowly starts opening bag of food*
My dog:
Reposted by Tim
Sitting at my daughter's pretend restaurant. The service is horrible here and the prices are outrageous.
July 2, 2023 at 1:29 AM
Sitting at my daughter's pretend restaurant. The service is horrible here and the prices are outrageous.
Reposted by Tim
*grabs microphone at register at Best Buy*
THE TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES WERE ACTUALLY TORTOISES. TURTLES LIVE IN WATER. GET OFF ME!
THE TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES WERE ACTUALLY TORTOISES. TURTLES LIVE IN WATER. GET OFF ME!
July 3, 2023 at 1:47 PM
*grabs microphone at register at Best Buy*
THE TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES WERE ACTUALLY TORTOISES. TURTLES LIVE IN WATER. GET OFF ME!
THE TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES WERE ACTUALLY TORTOISES. TURTLES LIVE IN WATER. GET OFF ME!
[Inside gigantic cement building in the middle of nowhere]
Me: *slowly starts opening bag of food*
My dog:
Me: *slowly starts opening bag of food*
My dog:
November 15, 2024 at 3:15 PM
[Inside gigantic cement building in the middle of nowhere]
Me: *slowly starts opening bag of food*
My dog:
Me: *slowly starts opening bag of food*
My dog:
I feel you, little guy
October 19, 2023 at 2:07 PM
I feel you, little guy
Reposted by Tim
So, here’s the thing, I *don’t* have a structured settlement but I *do* need cash now.
August 27, 2023 at 1:21 AM
So, here’s the thing, I *don’t* have a structured settlement but I *do* need cash now.
I put the tomatos and the ketchup right next to each other in my refrigerator just so all the food knows I have no mercy
August 7, 2023 at 3:27 PM
I put the tomatos and the ketchup right next to each other in my refrigerator just so all the food knows I have no mercy
Reposted by Tim
BARISTA: what can I get you
ME: medium roast please
BARISTA: ok, your gray roots are getting obvious and you have the silhouette of a potato
ME: *under breath* damn
ME: medium roast please
BARISTA: ok, your gray roots are getting obvious and you have the silhouette of a potato
ME: *under breath* damn
July 4, 2023 at 1:35 AM
BARISTA: what can I get you
ME: medium roast please
BARISTA: ok, your gray roots are getting obvious and you have the silhouette of a potato
ME: *under breath* damn
ME: medium roast please
BARISTA: ok, your gray roots are getting obvious and you have the silhouette of a potato
ME: *under breath* damn
Her: Pssst. You looking to hook up with some good shit?
Me: Maybe. What do you got?
Her:
Me: Maybe. What do you got?
Her:
July 5, 2023 at 2:14 PM
Her: Pssst. You looking to hook up with some good shit?
Me: Maybe. What do you got?
Her:
Me: Maybe. What do you got?
Her:
Reposted by Tim
You walk through a single sand painting and suddenly the farmer's market has a villain.
July 1, 2023 at 5:11 PM
You walk through a single sand painting and suddenly the farmer's market has a villain.
Reposted by Tim
“I love you,” Random Generator Bot tells me.
Warmth blossoms inside me and a grin breaks across my lips. “I love you too, Random Gene—“
“Plate tectonics digest cannulas,” Random Generator Bot says.
My smile fades. “Yeah…” I nod at Random Generator Bot. “They sure do, buddy.”
Warmth blossoms inside me and a grin breaks across my lips. “I love you too, Random Gene—“
“Plate tectonics digest cannulas,” Random Generator Bot says.
My smile fades. “Yeah…” I nod at Random Generator Bot. “They sure do, buddy.”
July 2, 2023 at 3:42 PM
“I love you,” Random Generator Bot tells me.
Warmth blossoms inside me and a grin breaks across my lips. “I love you too, Random Gene—“
“Plate tectonics digest cannulas,” Random Generator Bot says.
My smile fades. “Yeah…” I nod at Random Generator Bot. “They sure do, buddy.”
Warmth blossoms inside me and a grin breaks across my lips. “I love you too, Random Gene—“
“Plate tectonics digest cannulas,” Random Generator Bot says.
My smile fades. “Yeah…” I nod at Random Generator Bot. “They sure do, buddy.”
Reposted by Tim
The word musk is now a slur on this site.
June 21, 2023 at 2:00 PM
The word musk is now a slur on this site.
The bar for Bluesky being basically "I'd like a place where people are even just slightly less mean to me" really says something about our collective post Twitter PTSD
July 3, 2023 at 8:15 PM
The bar for Bluesky being basically "I'd like a place where people are even just slightly less mean to me" really says something about our collective post Twitter PTSD
Reposted by Tim
ME: Everyone has a soul and since souls are actually ghosts, technically we're all haunted
ANESTHESIOLOGIST: how do you keep waking up
ANESTHESIOLOGIST: how do you keep waking up
May 25, 2023 at 3:58 PM
ME: Everyone has a soul and since souls are actually ghosts, technically we're all haunted
ANESTHESIOLOGIST: how do you keep waking up
ANESTHESIOLOGIST: how do you keep waking up
Reposted by Tim
ME: a guy at work broke his jaw and has to eat all his meals through a straw
WIFE: wow that sucks
ME: i know what a straw does linda
WIFE: wow that sucks
ME: i know what a straw does linda
July 2, 2023 at 4:49 AM
ME: a guy at work broke his jaw and has to eat all his meals through a straw
WIFE: wow that sucks
ME: i know what a straw does linda
WIFE: wow that sucks
ME: i know what a straw does linda
*grabs microphone at register at Best Buy*
THE TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES WERE ACTUALLY TORTOISES. TURTLES LIVE IN WATER. GET OFF ME!
THE TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES WERE ACTUALLY TORTOISES. TURTLES LIVE IN WATER. GET OFF ME!
July 3, 2023 at 1:47 PM
*grabs microphone at register at Best Buy*
THE TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES WERE ACTUALLY TORTOISES. TURTLES LIVE IN WATER. GET OFF ME!
THE TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES WERE ACTUALLY TORTOISES. TURTLES LIVE IN WATER. GET OFF ME!
Reposted by Tim
“Remind me again, what’s the definition of insanity?” I ask the empty room as I sign up for another social media site.
June 22, 2023 at 6:45 AM
“Remind me again, what’s the definition of insanity?” I ask the empty room as I sign up for another social media site.
Sitting at my daughter's pretend restaurant. The service is horrible here and the prices are outrageous.
July 2, 2023 at 1:29 AM
Sitting at my daughter's pretend restaurant. The service is horrible here and the prices are outrageous.
Wife: Why is there a charge for $3,000 to Men's Warehouse?
Me: I have no idea. Don't go outside tho
Me: I have no idea. Don't go outside tho
June 24, 2023 at 3:15 PM
Wife: Why is there a charge for $3,000 to Men's Warehouse?
Me: I have no idea. Don't go outside tho
Me: I have no idea. Don't go outside tho