I have a full time job, it’s called depression

Just an anecdote on the same theme. I’ve got a backpacking trip coming up and when I check my reservation to get my permit, this is what I see first.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

the president has begun ranking generals out loud by fuckability

summoning hundreds of military leaders the world over to show them my pog collection

I really admire the way a lot of people have never tried to contact me at all. Just first-class own-business-minding on their part.

I’m old enough to remember this individual installing a makeup studio in the Pentagon.

Great, now I’m gay

Cleanup on aisle me, bc I shit myself laughing at these.

I'm not gonna share the AI "Walmart was cool in 2002" video, so instead as a person who worked at several Walmarts between 1998-2011 I'm gonna share stories of what it was actually like back then.

A man with a 32 oz Budweiser in his pocket tried to tickle me several times & we had to call the cops.

*immediately poops on the sidewalk *

This is great news. It should be MY choice to not watch Kimmel.

There is a non-zero chance they’re conflating autism with autumn.

Anyone know where I can donate money to the Tylenol legal team?

Trump: "We've got a lot of stupid people in this country running things."

if ur not a lil gayer every day youre doing it wrong

À propos of nothing, I think about this often

LA, make sure to roll out the "red carpet" for our esteemed veep

is it too early to start a doomsday cult? i have robe ideas

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH

It’s not illegal for a United States Senator to go to a public press conference and ask questions about your constituents safety.

It's our job.

You have no obligation to defend or explain the behavior of random street protesters. We have a lawless government that is flagrantly violating its legal, moral, even philosophical obligations to us. Everything else is secondary

We feed you.
They hunt us.

“The worst people on earth deserve the occasional political win.” - Centrists