Discount Storytime
@discountstorytime.com
250 followers 340 following 1.2K posts
I'm Coffee and I write weekly humor for grown-ups, with engaging plots, rich character development, and intelligent dialogue carefully edited out. Enjoy! More at the website discountstorytime.com. Check it out!
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I have achieved a new level of maturity where I am quietly and relentlessly judging everyone else's reusable grocery bags.
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it's only insomnia if it's from the region of hypothalamus otherwise it's just sparkling sleeplessness
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all the anxiety human evolution developed to help me spot bears now kicks in when i have to answer emails
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I think Dracula could defeat Frankenstein but I don’t think Count Chocula could defeat Frankenberry and that speaks to the richness of the characters
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[E.T.s dad when E.T. is finally back at home] so you just picked them up of the ground and ate them???
Who’s your favorite reoccurring (that is not part of the regular cast but kept showing up) sitcom character?
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Heavens to Betsy
Betsy to Heavens
Heavens BACK to Betsy
Betsy GOOOOOAAAALLLLLLLL
Can they have little hamster jockeys on little saddles?
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Hear me out - blindfolded daschund racing.
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The thing about non sequiturs is that cream rises to the top.
My brave guard dog saw a fly in the house, and now she’s hiding in the bathroom.
I just came here to mention Werther‘s or those strawberry candies. I think we all had the same grandma.
2025 marketing: create content on one platform to annoy everybody on every platform.
I think so? Last time I saw her she was climbing into one my cargo pants pockets.
The doctor just said “womp womp” while reading my test results.
Not to brag, but I keep an extra pair of cargo pants inside a pocket of my current cargo pants.
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Angry Male Thrown Out Of Casual Male Store
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This how cats look when you switch food brands