My child trying to get my attention saying, "daddy my teeth fell out" gets a southern accent when she says this
December 22, 2024 at 7:35 PM
My child trying to get my attention saying, "daddy my teeth fell out" gets a southern accent when she says this
Felt my girlfriend breathing this morning and I could see how someone's breath leaving them could be an addictive feeling,, for a psychopath
December 17, 2024 at 1:09 PM
Felt my girlfriend breathing this morning and I could see how someone's breath leaving them could be an addictive feeling,, for a psychopath
Reposted by alexander
You can eat sand. Nobody can stop you. The beach is like an eat-all-you-can buffet.
December 16, 2024 at 12:53 PM
You can eat sand. Nobody can stop you. The beach is like an eat-all-you-can buffet.
Reposted by alexander
Reposted by alexander
aliens: finally, after a thousand light-years and a journey through the stars, we can finally visit the state where they filmed the sopranos
December 13, 2024 at 11:31 AM
aliens: finally, after a thousand light-years and a journey through the stars, we can finally visit the state where they filmed the sopranos
I make a mean white people taco
December 9, 2024 at 11:32 PM
I make a mean white people taco
I can feel it. The poster's mindset returning. I almost shouted "we live in a society!" at a woman for parking in curbside pickup that also didn't return her cart, then later "FIGHT" at the Amazon & FedEx trucks that were on my corner
December 9, 2024 at 10:31 PM
I can feel it. The poster's mindset returning. I almost shouted "we live in a society!" at a woman for parking in curbside pickup that also didn't return her cart, then later "FIGHT" at the Amazon & FedEx trucks that were on my corner
Reposted by alexander
Don't talk to me until I've made a post about my morning coffee
December 6, 2024 at 8:42 AM
Don't talk to me until I've made a post about my morning coffee
Reposted by alexander
A pringles tube but for donuts
December 6, 2024 at 4:03 PM
A pringles tube but for donuts
Reposted by alexander
When I left Twitter 18 months ago I had severe withdrawal from trending topics and not knowing every single little thing happening in the news. But then I discovered that I still hear about everything I need to know, and that NOT hearing about stuff that does not matter is so so liberating.
December 2, 2024 at 11:21 PM
When I left Twitter 18 months ago I had severe withdrawal from trending topics and not knowing every single little thing happening in the news. But then I discovered that I still hear about everything I need to know, and that NOT hearing about stuff that does not matter is so so liberating.
I think I am too Happy to post anymore. The poster's mindset is only for sad bois
December 2, 2024 at 4:49 PM
I think I am too Happy to post anymore. The poster's mindset is only for sad bois
Reposted by alexander
To me, nothing is funnier than this. Everything competes with scrunched up Kermit
December 2, 2024 at 6:47 AM
To me, nothing is funnier than this. Everything competes with scrunched up Kermit
Reposted by alexander
The more I grow older, the more I realized I just wanna live a cozy and slow life like Frog and Toad (from the children's book series Frog and Toad).
December 2, 2024 at 3:57 AM
The more I grow older, the more I realized I just wanna live a cozy and slow life like Frog and Toad (from the children's book series Frog and Toad).
Tweaked my neck literally just laying in bed this morning and I don't turn 30 for another month. How is this fair????
November 27, 2024 at 5:19 PM
Tweaked my neck literally just laying in bed this morning and I don't turn 30 for another month. How is this fair????
It's true love - the yankees fan gf wants to take me to Fenway for HER birthday
November 26, 2024 at 3:00 PM
It's true love - the yankees fan gf wants to take me to Fenway for HER birthday
Reposted by alexander
Any song where the audience gets to yell "HEY" is a banger
July 15, 2023 at 8:53 PM
Any song where the audience gets to yell "HEY" is a banger
Reposted by alexander
Inside you is one Homer, what is your Homer?
October 26, 2023 at 6:49 PM
Inside you is one Homer, what is your Homer?
Reposted by alexander
Introduce yourself with three books you love.
October 30, 2023 at 1:15 PM
Introduce yourself with three books you love.
Reposted by alexander
It's no coincidence that the only two hobbies men have (gaming and sports) include being constantly pissed off
September 8, 2023 at 10:27 PM
It's no coincidence that the only two hobbies men have (gaming and sports) include being constantly pissed off
Reposted by alexander
This is largely how I feel thinking about Juan Soto right now
a cartoon of coyote painting a tunnel with looney tunes on the bottom
ALT: a cartoon of coyote painting a tunnel with looney tunes on the bottom
media.tenor.com
November 14, 2024 at 3:45 PM
This is largely how I feel thinking about Juan Soto right now
Girlfriend is visiting my place for the first time this weekend and now I completely understand my parents wanting the place to look like no one's lived in it
November 14, 2024 at 4:44 PM
Girlfriend is visiting my place for the first time this weekend and now I completely understand my parents wanting the place to look like no one's lived in it
Using my "mandatory OT" time to apply for jobs that don't make me do that bullshit.
December 11, 2023 at 10:31 PM
Using my "mandatory OT" time to apply for jobs that don't make me do that bullshit.
Supervisor (not even mine) dumps big urgent project on me this morning. Proceeds to interrupt me all morning to complain about how it shouldn't have even been on him to assign. I hope he understands next time he tries to interrupt me and finds I have left for the day to finish working from home....
December 5, 2023 at 5:51 PM
Supervisor (not even mine) dumps big urgent project on me this morning. Proceeds to interrupt me all morning to complain about how it shouldn't have even been on him to assign. I hope he understands next time he tries to interrupt me and finds I have left for the day to finish working from home....