Facebook has blocked my access. I don't think I did anything wrong, it just wanted proof that I'm a human. Now it won't accept any proof. Maybe this is a sign.

Maybe instead of NaNoWriMo I will use November to cross post all the years of stuff from Fetlife and Facebook onto my personalnpage. I will piss off all my email subscribers. Or delight them? Who knows. When I finish that I will delete everything from Facebook. Not ready to abandon Fet yet. Someday.

Japan Post just announced they will no longer deliver mail to the United States, joining Germany, Austria, Denmark, Italy, France, and Sweden.

I support the What The Fet organised campaign. Building better digital spaces is no different to building better spaces in real life.

You can read more here: deviantsdomain.substack.com/p/what-the-f...

#WhatTheFet #CaretakerCallout #FetCareFail #UncensorBlackKink

I've always known that I have strong addictive tendencies. I tend to go in binge cycles with which forum online is my favourite. Thanks to #WhatTheFet I'm noticing that I use Fetlife probably a lot too much these days. It's funny how different places feel safe for different reasons.
No Fetlife today

My bluesky is wall to wall politics and depression. woof.

My life is hard but there are joyful moments every day.

I feel a lot of sadness but also the need for hope and happiness.

I am seeking out opportunities to be soft and share reciprocal care giving. It is good for my soul. I am very lucky.

Once on a plane from San Francisco to LA a bunch of men in fancy suits asked me what I thought of Scream 3. I explained how only someone who was monumentally stupid would think it was a good idea to make a 3rd version of a mediocre movie.

Turns out the head of the studio was on that plane. Whoops.

A bunch of lovely folks in my local community made a really sweet video. Yay for love. Yay for being human beings together.

I'm going to need 2 people who are not related to Noah who are willing to sign an affidavit that his signature on his will is really his. I need these people because the wet-signed copy is in Scotland and not having a wet-signed copy for the US means extra paperwork.

Anyone willing to help?

I've been working as hard as I can to stay in the closet since I moved to Scotland. I've dramatically limited my writing and the forums in which I am fully disclosing stuff about my private life because I worry about backlash. As if I could ever be quiet enough to escape backlash.

It's not working.

It's hard to summon up my normal work ethic. I do a lot of sitting and staring out windows. What will my future look like without him?

I know I won't be alone. I collect people like shiny trophies. I am exceedingly blessed in my friendships. I know.

I shaped myself around Noah for almost 20 years

I’m coping through a combination of leaning on friends and distractions. I still feel like I don’t have any idea what my future will be like. I’m scared a lot of the time but I can’t slow down.

I’m struggling with feeling like I can’t say a lot of things in most spaces. That is hard for me.

Stretch goals announced!

Come check out them out,

#kickstarter #ttrpg #zinequest #crowdfunding

kck.st/4k4oqWg

I will confess that I am mostly not reading a lot of other peoples social media. I'm talking to myself on the internet so I don't talk to the kids.

8 weeks without Noah.

This morning I broke into ugly screaming and crying for a long time. It feels like I am running out of some layers of cope.

Today we were supposed to be arriving at Disneyland Paris because Shorty wanted to go for her birthday. Disney was very understanding when I cancelled.

I couldn't possibly do it now. Someday, sure. Not this week. I am not strong enough for that. It's ok. I will be later.

48 days since he left us.

Looking in the mirror is weird. I both can and can't see what made Noah need me so desperately. He needed me like he needed air and water.

I will never be needed like that again. I'm extraneous. I see value in me, and I see how the cost will always be too high for anyone else to pay.

Keep moving.

Every day we have to choose: who are we going to be today? I don't always live up to my ideals. I do not always uplift people. Sometimes I succumb to my shitty side and I am cruel.

The next day I have to choose again. I can do better. I am not limited by my mistakes. I can move on.

So can you.

"I'll get the paperwork done in January."

- receives email back finally in February with notification of a call to take place in April.

Crow. I eat a lot of crow.

I should reserve this handle.