I am wondering if this is a gift from the universe.

I was leaning into relationship anarchy even while being sexually monogamous with Noah. I have always had deep/messy/complex relationships. I want them to all be hyper individual.

I'm not sure if I'll end up solo poly or with an anchor. It's too soon to tell about my future.

This is making me so very mad. Grok is supposed to mean that you deeply understand something.

I feel like they have violated my brain and contaminated something useful.

I've been listening! It's why I got out 6 years ago.

I would want to wrap her in bubble wrap and that would have gone so poorly.

It is tangentially related, but when we had kids my husband stopped playing video games that required a time commitment. He switched to things that could be interrupted at any moment because he *would* be interrupted. He said it helped him control his expectations of leisure activities.

The current trend that is bothering me is the constant "breed me". It makes me want to hurl every time I see it.

You are so much nicer than me. My children are afraid to use the "b" word. If they do, I give them chores. 🤣

Out here reminding us that you are always and forever one of the loveliest women in the world.

Most of the time all I can hear is water running past my house. It's glorious.

I'm not sure how brave I'm going to be about it as I get going. I'm consciously and deliberately avoiding my friend-pool for hook ups. I don't want to piss in the pool. Most of the people I fuck won't last 3 weeks because they'll annoy me. That's a statistical fact.

That's unkind to do to friends.

Now I need to figure out how to manage this in the Highlands; a place where people are not, broadly speaking, open minded about sluts. I'm not in the SF Bay anymore. This is going to make everyone very uncomfortable because I'm going to act like I shouldn't be ashamed.

I think being a slut is fine.

Noah is gone and I have to keep working and being cheerful and being a source of support for my people. I'm not going to do well celibate. I just won't. That's not a set up that will lead to me thriving. I am not even a little bit ready to date someone. I can't have a Relationship. I only need sex.

Part of staying alive is figuring out how to include sex in my life. I need it. Did you know that Persistent Genital Arousal Disorder is a known feature of EDS? It literally physically hurts when I don't have sex for a few days. My body freaks out. Masturbating doesn't help, it makes it worse.

I started writing about my kinky sex life on the internet 25 years ago. While married I was slightly less over-sharing about it because my day-in-day-out didn't cause me much stress. Noah was an amazing partner for me and I will miss him every day of my life.

Thing is: I have to keep staying alive.