Star Wars Funeral Parlor
@polarity625.bsky.social
Former Star Wars Fan
#starwarsisdead
No I will never watch Andor.
#starwarsisdead
No I will never watch Andor.
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The Star Wars Sequel Trilogy is all awful, including The Last Jedi.
November 27, 2025 at 11:27 PM
The Star Wars Sequel Trilogy is all awful, including The Last Jedi.
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...ohhhh, I just learned that Rise of Skywalker was co-written by the guy who wrote Batman v. Superman and I feel like that explains a LOT.
November 29, 2025 at 5:08 AM
...ohhhh, I just learned that Rise of Skywalker was co-written by the guy who wrote Batman v. Superman and I feel like that explains a LOT.
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watching the hobbit (because why not) and it remains so fucking funny they made one of the dwarves hot
November 28, 2025 at 4:00 AM
watching the hobbit (because why not) and it remains so fucking funny they made one of the dwarves hot
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I don't like to give a ton of my time and energy to shit that I don't like, but every once in a while I just have to let it out. Like someone sat down and said "you know what Star Wars fans would love to see? All their favorites being sad losers who then die"
November 24, 2025 at 7:58 PM
I don't like to give a ton of my time and energy to shit that I don't like, but every once in a while I just have to let it out. Like someone sat down and said "you know what Star Wars fans would love to see? All their favorites being sad losers who then die"
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deep respect to anyone expecting the Stranger Thing finale(s) to be in any way satisfying, your optimism is a rare and beautiful thing
November 27, 2025 at 4:24 PM
deep respect to anyone expecting the Stranger Thing finale(s) to be in any way satisfying, your optimism is a rare and beautiful thing
So, genuinely, is there a phone number to contact lucasfilm so I can unload my half-deacde of rage?
November 27, 2025 at 7:14 PM
So, genuinely, is there a phone number to contact lucasfilm so I can unload my half-deacde of rage?
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at this rate the only people who give a fuck about Kylo Ren in the year between The Last Jedi and The Rise of Skywalker are hardcore pro-tros reylos and that's /not/ the vast majority or reylos
i know way more reylos/TLJ fans who don't/wont read these comics because they don't care
i know way more reylos/TLJ fans who don't/wont read these comics because they don't care
November 27, 2025 at 7:11 PM
at this rate the only people who give a fuck about Kylo Ren in the year between The Last Jedi and The Rise of Skywalker are hardcore pro-tros reylos and that's /not/ the vast majority or reylos
i know way more reylos/TLJ fans who don't/wont read these comics because they don't care
i know way more reylos/TLJ fans who don't/wont read these comics because they don't care
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conceptually i think the funniest movies of the last decade are those two newer ghostbusters movies. like the OG movie is just some SNL guys doing bits with an effects budget but the newer ones act like there’s religious significance to it
November 27, 2025 at 4:48 PM
conceptually i think the funniest movies of the last decade are those two newer ghostbusters movies. like the OG movie is just some SNL guys doing bits with an effects budget but the newer ones act like there’s religious significance to it
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if i could come up with this in 5 minutes for free, y'all could have written a good movie on a screenwriter's salary
December 5, 2023 at 8:12 PM
if i could come up with this in 5 minutes for free, y'all could have written a good movie on a screenwriter's salary
This post hit the nail on the fucking head for the death of star wars.
CN: Star Wars complaining, who cares, scroll past
I'm once again struck by the dark hilarity of the sequel trilogy. hey all the characters you love are back. remember when han and leia were in love? yeah they're divorced now. remember when han was a general? now he's a divorced loser oops he's dead
I'm once again struck by the dark hilarity of the sequel trilogy. hey all the characters you love are back. remember when han and leia were in love? yeah they're divorced now. remember when han was a general? now he's a divorced loser oops he's dead
November 27, 2025 at 6:43 PM
This post hit the nail on the fucking head for the death of star wars.
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oh wait I forgot one
C3PO is going to die in the third one! It's so heartbreaking when he says "I'm just taking one last look at my friends" before his identity is erased forever. And by forever I mean fifteen seconds and then he's back and the little alien guy yells WABBAAAAA or whatever
C3PO is going to die in the third one! It's so heartbreaking when he says "I'm just taking one last look at my friends" before his identity is erased forever. And by forever I mean fifteen seconds and then he's back and the little alien guy yells WABBAAAAA or whatever
November 24, 2025 at 7:45 PM
oh wait I forgot one
C3PO is going to die in the third one! It's so heartbreaking when he says "I'm just taking one last look at my friends" before his identity is erased forever. And by forever I mean fifteen seconds and then he's back and the little alien guy yells WABBAAAAA or whatever
C3PO is going to die in the third one! It's so heartbreaking when he says "I'm just taking one last look at my friends" before his identity is erased forever. And by forever I mean fifteen seconds and then he's back and the little alien guy yells WABBAAAAA or whatever
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But it's okay because chewie finally gets a medal at the end! all his friends in the fucking world died but he finally got a medal which is just an easter egg rather than a genuine moment of storytelling, which by the way describes this whole fucking franchise now
November 24, 2025 at 7:42 PM
But it's okay because chewie finally gets a medal at the end! all his friends in the fucking world died but he finally got a medal which is just an easter egg rather than a genuine moment of storytelling, which by the way describes this whole fucking franchise now
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Finn and Poe have some real bromance energy huh? yeah, you like that, fans under 40? well we'll put a stop to that right quick. they both have female love interests, also poe is a drug dealer now
November 24, 2025 at 7:41 PM
Finn and Poe have some real bromance energy huh? yeah, you like that, fans under 40? well we'll put a stop to that right quick. they both have female love interests, also poe is a drug dealer now
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but check out our incredible protagonist rey, who is her own character with her own life and not beholden to all the bullshit from the past lol jk she's palpatine's kid or some shit, all her power came from the emperor, happy now reddit incels? god will you shut up at last?
November 24, 2025 at 7:38 PM
but check out our incredible protagonist rey, who is her own character with her own life and not beholden to all the bullshit from the past lol jk she's palpatine's kid or some shit, all her power came from the emperor, happy now reddit incels? god will you shut up at last?
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hey check out our awesome black stormtrooper guy. he ignites a lightsaber in the trailer, he is gonna be awesome haha jk he's the joke character now. but it's okay because he has this incredible love interest in Rose Tico and they're gonna -- oh wait the internet incels didn't like her, she's gone
November 24, 2025 at 7:37 PM
hey check out our awesome black stormtrooper guy. he ignites a lightsaber in the trailer, he is gonna be awesome haha jk he's the joke character now. but it's okay because he has this incredible love interest in Rose Tico and they're gonna -- oh wait the internet incels didn't like her, she's gone
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remember when Luke finally achieved victory over the emperor, not by turning to the dark side, but by laying down his sword and refusing to be part of the same tradition that destroyed his father? well now he's in exile and tried to murder his own nephew on a whim oops he's dead
November 24, 2025 at 7:35 PM
remember when Luke finally achieved victory over the emperor, not by turning to the dark side, but by laying down his sword and refusing to be part of the same tradition that destroyed his father? well now he's in exile and tried to murder his own nephew on a whim oops he's dead
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CN: Star Wars complaining, who cares, scroll past
I'm once again struck by the dark hilarity of the sequel trilogy. hey all the characters you love are back. remember when han and leia were in love? yeah they're divorced now. remember when han was a general? now he's a divorced loser oops he's dead
I'm once again struck by the dark hilarity of the sequel trilogy. hey all the characters you love are back. remember when han and leia were in love? yeah they're divorced now. remember when han was a general? now he's a divorced loser oops he's dead
November 24, 2025 at 7:34 PM
CN: Star Wars complaining, who cares, scroll past
I'm once again struck by the dark hilarity of the sequel trilogy. hey all the characters you love are back. remember when han and leia were in love? yeah they're divorced now. remember when han was a general? now he's a divorced loser oops he's dead
I'm once again struck by the dark hilarity of the sequel trilogy. hey all the characters you love are back. remember when han and leia were in love? yeah they're divorced now. remember when han was a general? now he's a divorced loser oops he's dead
Reposted by Star Wars Funeral Parlor
so what did we learn today? blood is the most important thing when determining your power level!
November 27, 2025 at 7:07 AM
so what did we learn today? blood is the most important thing when determining your power level!
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John Williams just phoning it in for that one lol
November 27, 2025 at 6:30 PM
John Williams just phoning it in for that one lol
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...but none are allowed to come to fruition, due to being buried under the above problems.
November 27, 2025 at 6:54 AM
...but none are allowed to come to fruition, due to being buried under the above problems.
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I am not exaggerating when I say that TROS killed my lifelong love of star war
It is, even accounting for the changes that needed to be made due to carrie fisher's death, an irredeemably, indefensively bad movie. Poorly plotted, scripted, and structured.
There are kernels of good ideas present...
It is, even accounting for the changes that needed to be made due to carrie fisher's death, an irredeemably, indefensively bad movie. Poorly plotted, scripted, and structured.
There are kernels of good ideas present...
November 27, 2025 at 6:54 AM
I am not exaggerating when I say that TROS killed my lifelong love of star war
It is, even accounting for the changes that needed to be made due to carrie fisher's death, an irredeemably, indefensively bad movie. Poorly plotted, scripted, and structured.
There are kernels of good ideas present...
It is, even accounting for the changes that needed to be made due to carrie fisher's death, an irredeemably, indefensively bad movie. Poorly plotted, scripted, and structured.
There are kernels of good ideas present...
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I don't think JJ should ever be at peace because of it
November 27, 2025 at 6:29 PM
I don't think JJ should ever be at peace because of it
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tros likely has the most incoherent scoring in the entire star wars saga
November 27, 2025 at 6:21 PM
tros likely has the most incoherent scoring in the entire star wars saga
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it bugs me that the luke and leia theme from rotj plays when lando ”adopts” jannah and not when rey sees luke and leia’s force ghost
November 27, 2025 at 6:21 PM
it bugs me that the luke and leia theme from rotj plays when lando ”adopts” jannah and not when rey sees luke and leia’s force ghost