America’s Sweetheart Dave Colon

Watching people being brutalized by the state, secure in the knowledge that I'm safe because I don't do anything wrong. And the best part? The state can't suddenly and arbitrarily redefine what "wrong" means

no one sympathizes with how much psychic pain the administration is causing me, specifically, as a lawyer. i was trained for decades to believe facts were something you could engage in a process of finding, and that rights were more or less established at a bare minimum level. think of the lawyers!!

criminal making the paddington bear eat batteries at gunpoint. eat another one you little monster. i want to hear them clinking around in there

"Oh yeah? You like baseball? What if I make you smoke *an entire pack* of baseball?"

the freaking Portland protest frog is warming up in the pen

players on both teams visibly nervous as they enter the Witch’s Inning

Victoria, I literally bought your book this afternoon! What a coincidence to see you in the baseball as mortality replies

baseball is the best preparation for death because it does not come with a clock that tells you when your suffering will end one way or the other

announcers don't make enough pension jokes when will vest is pitching

In video games, you will often find a fully roasted chicken abandoned on the ground, and eating it extremely quickly makes you feel better. What's less known is that this is also true in real life

What if the Minoan palace culture simply had bad vibes or was unpleasant to be around

microsoft product (begging, pleading): save this document to my documents?

me: save to desktop

microsoft (twitching, shaking) this jpeg. save to pictures?

me: save to desktop

microsoft (weeping, throwing up): this email attachment... downloads?

me: desktop

I love living in a city full of immigrants and tons and tons of people who are not at all like me and not like each other. It makes us all better and it makes our city better. I know I’m preaching to the choir by saying this on the lib app but I sometimes just get so overwhelmed by how special it is

I believe in you

Either that or I was hungry as fuck

Went to Wing Stop last night to appease the children, there were some leftovers. Let me tell you those wings hold up alarmingly well in the fridge overnight

11 appearances
8 innings
12 hits
11 runs (9 earned)
8 walks
7 strikeouts
1-4, 1 blown save
10.13 ERA
since Treinen's hat nonsense.

The “follow me on my day as I get stuff done” vid where he did precisely nothing except enter and exit vehicles and shake hands with people

That’s what’s up

"Nobody wants to work". Au contraire. Too many people want to work. It makes life miserable for the rest of us, having to put up the facade, having to adopt grind and hustle mindset and pretend boring business bullshit is what we want most out of life.

It is not clear that a bank vault can be emptied at gunpoint.

This was exactly true of my high school job working in a bakery. I loathed some of my coworkers, but none of them as much as the boss who tried to be friends with us all while underpaying every single employee