Evan Allgood
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Evan Allgood
@evoooooooooooo.bsky.social
400 followers 370 following 160 posts
Writer for The New Yorker, McSweeney's, The Believer, The Millions, The Novelizers, Current Affairs, Points in Case, Vol. 1 Brooklyn

https://www.evanallgood.com/
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Evan Allgood @evoooooooooooo.bsky.social · Mar 29
Considering our mortality
Buddy (a young black pit bull) takes in Green-Wood Cemetery from just outside the fence
evoooooooooooo.bsky.social
www.newyorker.com/cartoons/dai...
December 17, 2025 at 11:46 PM
evoooooooooooo.bsky.social
Some shots from snowy Green-Wood Cemetery yesterday
December 17, 2025 at 2:48 PM
evoooooooooooo.bsky.social
Back of a whiskey bottle: "James Watt Kelly's infamous whiskey has been reborn!" A screenshot from Three Amigos in which Dusty Bottoms (Chevy Chase) says, "Infamous?"
December 17, 2025 at 1:32 AM
Reposted by Evan Allgood
ryannorth.ca
*walking in a winter wonderland*
ME: where's bluebird?
BIRD: gone
ME: w... who are you?
*bird looks around shiftily*
BIRD: I'm new bird
December 16, 2023 at 4:33 PM
evoooooooooooo.bsky.social
When I remove the window AC without throwing out my back
44-year-old Philip Rivers celebrates throwing a touchdown
December 14, 2025 at 11:23 PM
Reposted by Evan Allgood
evankillham.bsky.social
Jimmy Fallon would host the Hunger Games.
December 9, 2025 at 6:31 PM
evoooooooooooo.bsky.social
(cracks knuckles) Welp, time to prove how lucid I am by posting the most insane thing anyone has ever read
pbump.com Philip Bump @pbump.com · 8d
Every part of this is bonkers. The intro is bonkers. The transition to his health is bonkers. The mention that other presidents didn't need cognitive exams is bonkers. The claim that this screening test is somehow hard is bonkers. The idea that criticism of him is treason is bonkers. All of it.
There has never been a President that has worked as hard as me! My hours are the longest, and my results are among the best. I’ve stopped Eight Wars, saving many millions of lives in the process, created the Greatest Economy in the History of our Country, brought Business back into the United States at levels never seen before, rebuilt our Military, created the Largest Tax Cuts and Regulation Cuts, EVER, closed our open and very dangerous Southern Border, when previous Administrations were unable to do so, and created an “aura” around the United States of America that has led every Country in the World to respect us more than ever before. In addition to all of that, I go out of my way to do long, thorough, and very boring Medical Examinations at the Great Walter Reed National Military Medical Center, seen and supervised by top doctors, all of whom have given me PERFECT Marks — Some have even said they have never seen such Strong Results. I do these Tests because I owe it to our Country. In addition to the Medical, I have done something that no other President has done, on three separate occasions, the last one being recently, by taking what is known as a Cognitive Examination, something which few people would be able to do very well, including those working at The New York Times, and I ACED all three of them in front of large numbers of doctors and experts, most of whom I do not know. I have been told that few people have been able to “ace” this Examination and, in fact, most do very poorly, which is why many other Presidents have decided not to take it at all. Despite all of this, the time and work involved, The New York Times, and some others, like to pretend that I am “slowing up,” am maybe not as sharp as I once was, or am in poor physical health, knowing that it is not true, and knowing that I work very hard, probably harder than I have ever worked before. I will know when I am “slowing up,” but it’s not now! After all of the work I have done with Medical Exams, Cognitive Exams, and everything else, I actually believe it’s seditious, perhaps even treasonous, for The New York Times, and others, to consistently do FAKE reports in order to libel and demean “THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES.” They are true Enemies of the People, and we should do something about it. They have inaccurately reported on all of my Election Results and, in fact, were forced to apologize on much of what they wrote. The best thing that could happen to this Country would be if The New York Times would cease publication because they are a horrible, biased, and untruthful “source” of information. Thank you for your attention to this matter. MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN!
December 10, 2025 at 3:52 AM
Reposted by Evan Allgood
copycurmudgeon.bsky.social
Come work with me! Salary range $85,000-$100,000. Benefits include a union, fairly low insurance premiums and so many cat photos. job-boards.greenhouse.io/propublica/j...
Copy Editor
New York City, United States; Remote, United States
job-boards.greenhouse.io
December 9, 2025 at 6:42 PM
Reposted by Evan Allgood
zeets.bsky.social
Will Arnett was on Conan and told a story about how Conan dealt with the death of his parents by accusing Jason Bateman of killing them. It’s so funny.
December 9, 2025 at 5:35 PM
Reposted by Evan Allgood
stephenhartzell.bsky.social
JMU fans looking at Alabama like
December 7, 2025 at 2:58 PM
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mikedrucker.bsky.social
I wrote a bit for McSweeney's about Isaac Chotiner interviewing Santa Claus. Just a little something for the holiday season. Enjoy!
The New Yorker’s Isaac Chotiner Interviews Santa Claus
For several centuries, Santa Claus has been one of the most prolific mythical gift-givers in the world. Formerly known as Saint Nicholas of Myra, a...
www.mcsweeneys.net
December 4, 2025 at 7:02 PM
evoooooooooooo.bsky.social
Always humbling when somebody's rock bottom in a TV show or movie is like a Tuesday for me
December 5, 2025 at 2:54 AM
Reposted by Evan Allgood
evoooooooooooo.bsky.social
Brutus before and after you adopt him. This big mush has been waiting at Sean Casey Animal Rescue for months! He loves people, treats, and walks; other dogs, not so much
A handsome black and white bully mix A handsome, smiling black and white bully mix
November 13, 2025 at 10:13 PM
Reposted by Evan Allgood
sethrosenthal.bsky.social
scene from One Battle After Another with the Christmas Adventurers Club sitting around the table in their secret clubhouse, but I've very crudely photoshopped Tom Cotton wearing his awful christmasy outfit into the picture
December 4, 2025 at 6:21 PM
evoooooooooooo.bsky.social
Genuinely annoyed that no one told me this existed
The Redwall Cookbook by Brian Jacques (illustrated by Christopher Denise)
December 4, 2025 at 3:57 PM
Reposted by Evan Allgood
evanjohnstondesign.bsky.social
BIG NEWS, I'm pleased to say that Hallowzine.ink has released @evoooooooooooo.bsky.social 's piece "Don Draper Pitches Halloween Costumes" in 4K!!! As a pdf. hallowzine.ink/Don_Draper_I...
Hallowzine! A Zine Featuring Fiction, Poetry, and Comics for Halloween
Hallowzine.ink
December 3, 2025 at 11:59 PM
evoooooooooooo.bsky.social
What's your dream Knives Out cast? I think this would be fun:

Meryl Streep
Patrick Stewart
Florence Pugh
A$AP Rocky
Marion Cotillard
Timothy Olyphant
Greta Lee
Matthew Rhys
John Hodgman (assisting Blanc)
People headline: "Knives Out Director Wants to Cast Meryl Streep in Next Murder Mystery"
December 2, 2025 at 8:33 PM
Reposted by Evan Allgood
hammel.bsky.social
“You better not be NBA Live ‘97 David Robinson when you get back from that *walk* with your cousins!”

{me coming back from the *walk* with my cousins}
November 27, 2025 at 12:36 AM
Reposted by Evan Allgood
huhhowdoibluethis.bsky.social
Was not expecting this blatant xenophobia on my tv first thing in the morning...
NBC's broadcast of the Macy's parade has superimposed the word "FOREIGNER" over the balloon of Mario.
November 27, 2025 at 1:40 PM
Reposted by Evan Allgood
birdcpk.bsky.social
Astoria the Wild Turkey finds a sheltered spot in a garden and relaxes on a bed of fallen leaves in The Battery. 🦃 ❤️ 🍃
November 27, 2025 at 3:40 PM
evoooooooooooo.bsky.social
Obligatory
The opening of Planes, Trains & Automobiles: "New York City, two days before Thanksgiving"
November 26, 2025 at 2:39 AM
Reposted by Evan Allgood
pantspants.bsky.social
November 25, 2025 at 5:07 PM
evoooooooooooo.bsky.social
(Mitch Hedberg voice) That's a downtown newspaper box
A newspaper box wearing a cowboy hat
November 25, 2025 at 5:17 AM
Reposted by Evan Allgood
evoooooooooooo.bsky.social
I've got a new Shout co-authored with my talented bud Jordan De Padova and illustrated beautifully by Livia Weiner. Sláinte!
www.newyorker.com/humor/shouts...
Lesser-Known Celebrity-Owned Alcohol Brands
Featuring Walton Goggins’s Weirdly Hot Jalapeño Tequila and Sydney Sweeney’s Pure White Rum.
www.newyorker.com
November 20, 2025 at 10:06 PM
Reposted by Evan Allgood
birdcpk.bsky.social
A minute with Romeo and Juliet, the Central Park coyotes, as seen at night through thermal video. 🐺 ❤️
November 22, 2025 at 9:03 PM