Mommy Shortbread🎁
@coolhandkas.bsky.social
she/her
Join Posts.docx, the nothing app
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1l704FtF-7_OQSKiFrw_GIPwMwLtoGvAu/edit?usp=drivesdk&ouid=111211770282405088388&rtpof=true&sd=true
Join Posts.docx, the nothing app
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1l704FtF-7_OQSKiFrw_GIPwMwLtoGvAu/edit?usp=drivesdk&ouid=111211770282405088388&rtpof=true&sd=true
Pinned
Had a guy ask me for a reprint of a receipt he lost, he goes "it's for Caterpillar pants" I go "dang those pants must have a ton of legs" he didn't laugh. I laughed a lot. That's showbiz baby
Reposted by Mommy Shortbread🎁
and tiny tim, who was NOT in the epstein files,
December 18, 2025 at 7:52 PM
and tiny tim, who was NOT in the epstein files,
Reposted by Mommy Shortbread🎁
all I can think of is Dennis and Terry from Trailer Park Boys when I see an out-of-house robe wearer
December 19, 2025 at 2:23 AM
all I can think of is Dennis and Terry from Trailer Park Boys when I see an out-of-house robe wearer
is it classist to believe that anyone willing to wear a bathrobe on the news is someone that we just don't need to listen to or
December 19, 2025 at 2:11 AM
is it classist to believe that anyone willing to wear a bathrobe on the news is someone that we just don't need to listen to or
Reposted by Mommy Shortbread🎁
Pentatonix is Kidz Bop for adults
December 19, 2025 at 1:55 AM
Pentatonix is Kidz Bop for adults
damn I'm mean. not mean enough tho
December 19, 2025 at 1:55 AM
damn I'm mean. not mean enough tho
this specific type of person will rage about how we don't have enough parking, but if you suggest we improve our transit system they will also immediately start foaming at the mouth
I'm so sorry but this is the funniest boomer shit I've seen in a hot minute, these old fucks get so mad when you try to put more housing in their neighborhoods 😭
Edmonton woman ready to chain herself to tree to stop infill project
Frustration with infill is reaching new heights in Edmonton’s Dovercourt neighbourhood. Constance Williams, who lives near infill development, says she’s prepared to chain herself to a tree to stop an...
edmonton.citynews.ca
December 19, 2025 at 1:48 AM
this specific type of person will rage about how we don't have enough parking, but if you suggest we improve our transit system they will also immediately start foaming at the mouth
I'm so sorry but this is the funniest boomer shit I've seen in a hot minute, these old fucks get so mad when you try to put more housing in their neighborhoods 😭
Edmonton woman ready to chain herself to tree to stop infill project
Frustration with infill is reaching new heights in Edmonton’s Dovercourt neighbourhood. Constance Williams, who lives near infill development, says she’s prepared to chain herself to a tree to stop an...
edmonton.citynews.ca
December 19, 2025 at 1:39 AM
I'm so sorry but this is the funniest boomer shit I've seen in a hot minute, these old fucks get so mad when you try to put more housing in their neighborhoods 😭
It's kinda beautiful that pretty much all of the most self righteous purity testing lefty AbLeg posters aren't over here because they simply could not will themselves to stop posting for their 10k+ bot followers on the Nazi website
December 19, 2025 at 1:14 AM
It's kinda beautiful that pretty much all of the most self righteous purity testing lefty AbLeg posters aren't over here because they simply could not will themselves to stop posting for their 10k+ bot followers on the Nazi website
anytime I get more than like 50 likes on an earnest post I have no choice but to delete, this is a shitposting account I cannot be manifesting serious vibes over here
December 19, 2025 at 12:35 AM
anytime I get more than like 50 likes on an earnest post I have no choice but to delete, this is a shitposting account I cannot be manifesting serious vibes over here
for some reason Spotify has started slipping old Hilary Duff into my playlists and honestly I ain't even mad
December 19, 2025 at 12:03 AM
for some reason Spotify has started slipping old Hilary Duff into my playlists and honestly I ain't even mad
Snitching: 🤢😣😓
Whistleblowing: 😎🤠🤩
Whistleblowing: 😎🤠🤩
December 18, 2025 at 10:14 PM
Snitching: 🤢😣😓
Whistleblowing: 😎🤠🤩
Whistleblowing: 😎🤠🤩
pretty sure I skeet this every other week but I simply MUST start checking my work schedule for my next shift earlier than 1 a.m. the day of. 5-6 hours is not cutting it
December 18, 2025 at 8:14 PM
pretty sure I skeet this every other week but I simply MUST start checking my work schedule for my next shift earlier than 1 a.m. the day of. 5-6 hours is not cutting it
My 45 coworker thought she might be pregnant but she just found out she's not, and she's *disappointed* ???? Like GURL
December 18, 2025 at 8:05 PM
My 45 coworker thought she might be pregnant but she just found out she's not, and she's *disappointed* ???? Like GURL
Reposted by Mommy Shortbread🎁
My response to anything over the next two weeks
December 18, 2025 at 6:10 PM
My response to anything over the next two weeks
regrettably ACAB does include the native cop from Corner Gas but I try really hard not to think about it
December 18, 2025 at 5:42 AM
regrettably ACAB does include the native cop from Corner Gas but I try really hard not to think about it
Reposted by Mommy Shortbread🎁
instead of throwing your old car batteries into the ocean tie a bunch of birds to them and let them carry it off into the clouds which are like the oceans of the sky
December 18, 2025 at 2:18 AM
instead of throwing your old car batteries into the ocean tie a bunch of birds to them and let them carry it off into the clouds which are like the oceans of the sky
I've said it before but the biggest issue with trying to combat the tobacco industry is that people objectively look cool as hell smoking a cigarette
December 18, 2025 at 2:11 AM
I've said it before but the biggest issue with trying to combat the tobacco industry is that people objectively look cool as hell smoking a cigarette
I've settled on breaking down the bird before cooking it, which kinda feels wrong because it takes away its Kodak moment but w/e I'm doing it differently this year
trying to decide what method I'm going to use to cook the turkey this year, does anyone have 𝒔𝒕𝒓𝒐𝒏𝒈 𝒐𝒑𝒊𝒏𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔™️
December 18, 2025 at 2:04 AM
I've settled on breaking down the bird before cooking it, which kinda feels wrong because it takes away its Kodak moment but w/e I'm doing it differently this year
trying to decide what method I'm going to use to cook the turkey this year, does anyone have 𝒔𝒕𝒓𝒐𝒏𝒈 𝒐𝒑𝒊𝒏𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔™️
December 17, 2025 at 11:47 PM
trying to decide what method I'm going to use to cook the turkey this year, does anyone have 𝒔𝒕𝒓𝒐𝒏𝒈 𝒐𝒑𝒊𝒏𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔™️
Every few years I think I'll be able to decorate the whole tree and then I am quickly reminded by my five small unruly roommates why I usually leave the bottom foot or so bare 🙄
December 17, 2025 at 11:30 PM
Every few years I think I'll be able to decorate the whole tree and then I am quickly reminded by my five small unruly roommates why I usually leave the bottom foot or so bare 🙄
getting all of these cats was so cool and fun when they were younger and it's still cool and fun but wow senior pets are expensive and high maintenance aren't they
December 17, 2025 at 11:08 PM
getting all of these cats was so cool and fun when they were younger and it's still cool and fun but wow senior pets are expensive and high maintenance aren't they
getting asked if I want to go home from work an hour early: 😊🤠😎
remembering that as soon as I get home I have to shovel 500 metric fucktons of snow: 🙄😣😓
remembering that as soon as I get home I have to shovel 500 metric fucktons of snow: 🙄😣😓
December 17, 2025 at 10:36 PM
getting asked if I want to go home from work an hour early: 😊🤠😎
remembering that as soon as I get home I have to shovel 500 metric fucktons of snow: 🙄😣😓
remembering that as soon as I get home I have to shovel 500 metric fucktons of snow: 🙄😣😓
Reposted by Mommy Shortbread🎁
(under my breath) have you considered fucking yourself
December 17, 2025 at 6:22 PM
(under my breath) have you considered fucking yourself