Alistair Barrie
@alistairbarrie.com
Comedian, allegedly. Latest special 'Woke in Progress' out now on ITVX: www.alistairbarrie.com
Oh dear. He was brilliant in pretty much everything he did - especially Trading Places, Breakfast Club & Die Hard - playing dreadful people.
Always hoped he was a top man in real life to offset his screen persona.
It would appear perhaps that was not the case…
Always hoped he was a top man in real life to offset his screen persona.
It would appear perhaps that was not the case…
January 18, 2026 at 6:09 PM
Oh dear. He was brilliant in pretty much everything he did - especially Trading Places, Breakfast Club & Die Hard - playing dreadful people.
Always hoped he was a top man in real life to offset his screen persona.
It would appear perhaps that was not the case…
Always hoped he was a top man in real life to offset his screen persona.
It would appear perhaps that was not the case…
I’m sorry but the idea of a Rescue Tory is very funny. Do you get to take them back to Kemi’s Kennels if they can’t be trusted round children?
January 18, 2026 at 4:36 PM
I’m sorry but the idea of a Rescue Tory is very funny. Do you get to take them back to Kemi’s Kennels if they can’t be trusted round children?
Siri: How many non-sequiturs can you fit in the same statement?
January 18, 2026 at 3:22 PM
Siri: How many non-sequiturs can you fit in the same statement?
Reposted by Alistair Barrie
I think the White House badly underestimates the strength of the pan-European folk memory of 1930s appeasement, and how deep it still cuts. I suppose this is what happens when you learn in school that WW2 started in 1941 in Hawaii.
January 18, 2026 at 1:04 PM
I think the White House badly underestimates the strength of the pan-European folk memory of 1930s appeasement, and how deep it still cuts. I suppose this is what happens when you learn in school that WW2 started in 1941 in Hawaii.
Unfortunately, the phrase ‘if someone shows you who they are, believe them’ springs to mind.
January 18, 2026 at 1:56 PM
Unfortunately, the phrase ‘if someone shows you who they are, believe them’ springs to mind.
Can you blame us?
January 18, 2026 at 11:18 AM
Can you blame us?
*Does it FOR you.
Gaah. Too angry to avoid typos.
Gaah. Too angry to avoid typos.
January 18, 2026 at 11:01 AM
*Does it FOR you.
Gaah. Too angry to avoid typos.
Gaah. Too angry to avoid typos.
There is that great story about the lawyer questioning the doctor who performed a post-mortem:
‘How can you be certain he was dead?’
- His brain was in a jar on my desk
‘So he could still technically have been alive?’
- It’s possible he’s out there practising law somewhere.’
‘How can you be certain he was dead?’
- His brain was in a jar on my desk
‘So he could still technically have been alive?’
- It’s possible he’s out there practising law somewhere.’
January 18, 2026 at 9:03 AM
There is that great story about the lawyer questioning the doctor who performed a post-mortem:
‘How can you be certain he was dead?’
- His brain was in a jar on my desk
‘So he could still technically have been alive?’
- It’s possible he’s out there practising law somewhere.’
‘How can you be certain he was dead?’
- His brain was in a jar on my desk
‘So he could still technically have been alive?’
- It’s possible he’s out there practising law somewhere.’
F*ck me. What bit of fawning to a multiple bankrupt, criminal, sex offending, fraudulent, weird, senile, thin-skinned, petulant, bribing, adulterous, congenitally lying, deceitful, monstrous, idiotic, decrepit f*ckwit (have I missed anything?) really does it you Mr Stanley?
Abhorrent prick(s).
Abhorrent prick(s).
These so-called "patriotic" 🇬🇧newspapers who brought you Brexit were never really patriotic at all.
They are driven by a disdain for Britain's European neighbours, and a fawning obsession with America.
They do not really want 🇬🇧 to be sovereign. They're content being a 🇺🇸vassal.
They are driven by a disdain for Britain's European neighbours, and a fawning obsession with America.
They do not really want 🇬🇧 to be sovereign. They're content being a 🇺🇸vassal.
January 18, 2026 at 8:58 AM
F*ck me. What bit of fawning to a multiple bankrupt, criminal, sex offending, fraudulent, weird, senile, thin-skinned, petulant, bribing, adulterous, congenitally lying, deceitful, monstrous, idiotic, decrepit f*ckwit (have I missed anything?) really does it you Mr Stanley?
Abhorrent prick(s).
Abhorrent prick(s).
Contrary to popular belief, comedians don’t ‘like’ hecklers. They’re an occupational hazard. You deal with them. And some of those interactions are bafflingly popular online - conflict rather than comedy - but pretty sure it’s not a compilation most comics would enjoy.
Maybe the ‘beer money’ ones… 😉
Maybe the ‘beer money’ ones… 😉
January 17, 2026 at 11:57 PM
Contrary to popular belief, comedians don’t ‘like’ hecklers. They’re an occupational hazard. You deal with them. And some of those interactions are bafflingly popular online - conflict rather than comedy - but pretty sure it’s not a compilation most comics would enjoy.
Maybe the ‘beer money’ ones… 😉
Maybe the ‘beer money’ ones… 😉
The more I think about it, the more I believe this is a seriously good idea.
It would also present us with a fantastic excuse for failing to make it out of the group stage.
It would also present us with a fantastic excuse for failing to make it out of the group stage.
What Europe could do is threaten to boycott the World Cup. It won't. But that might actually work. Trump wants his big show.
January 17, 2026 at 11:50 PM
The more I think about it, the more I believe this is a seriously good idea.
It would also present us with a fantastic excuse for failing to make it out of the group stage.
It would also present us with a fantastic excuse for failing to make it out of the group stage.
He accused me of calling him a paedophile (I didn’t) & was blissfully unaware the gig was being filmed. Half-hoping to receive a letter from his ‘partner’ just for lols, but if they’re bright enough to be a solicitor, they’re possibly also bright enough to tell him to shut the fuck up. Again.
January 17, 2026 at 11:48 PM
He accused me of calling him a paedophile (I didn’t) & was blissfully unaware the gig was being filmed. Half-hoping to receive a letter from his ‘partner’ just for lols, but if they’re bright enough to be a solicitor, they’re possibly also bright enough to tell him to shut the fuck up. Again.
Perfectly normal job:
Just got threatened with legal action by a heckler (who interrupted my gig to call me a sex offender) after I made him apologise to me in front of the entire audience & then refused to apologise to HIM afterwards. Apparently his ‘partner is a solicitor’.
They walk among us. 🙄
Just got threatened with legal action by a heckler (who interrupted my gig to call me a sex offender) after I made him apologise to me in front of the entire audience & then refused to apologise to HIM afterwards. Apparently his ‘partner is a solicitor’.
They walk among us. 🙄
January 17, 2026 at 11:40 PM
Perfectly normal job:
Just got threatened with legal action by a heckler (who interrupted my gig to call me a sex offender) after I made him apologise to me in front of the entire audience & then refused to apologise to HIM afterwards. Apparently his ‘partner is a solicitor’.
They walk among us. 🙄
Just got threatened with legal action by a heckler (who interrupted my gig to call me a sex offender) after I made him apologise to me in front of the entire audience & then refused to apologise to HIM afterwards. Apparently his ‘partner is a solicitor’.
They walk among us. 🙄
*on it.
And In afraid to say the fair point is a direct quote from His Royal Satsuma only last week.
And In afraid to say the fair point is a direct quote from His Royal Satsuma only last week.
January 17, 2026 at 9:19 PM
*on it.
And In afraid to say the fair point is a direct quote from His Royal Satsuma only last week.
And In afraid to say the fair point is a direct quote from His Royal Satsuma only last week.
‘Just because you landed a boat innit four hundred years ago doesn’t make it yours’.
January 17, 2026 at 8:46 PM
‘Just because you landed a boat innit four hundred years ago doesn’t make it yours’.
If only there were some examples of authoritarian rulers making ever more ridiculous territorial demands until someone stood up to them that ended badly.
January 17, 2026 at 7:13 PM
If only there were some examples of authoritarian rulers making ever more ridiculous territorial demands until someone stood up to them that ended badly.
Reposted by Alistair Barrie
What Europe could do is threaten to boycott the World Cup. It won't. But that might actually work. Trump wants his big show.
January 17, 2026 at 6:51 PM
What Europe could do is threaten to boycott the World Cup. It won't. But that might actually work. Trump wants his big show.
I reckon Denmark offers to swap Greenland for New York.
I reckon a lot of New Yorkers would go for it and they could start by demolishing Trump Tower.
I reckon a lot of New Yorkers would go for it and they could start by demolishing Trump Tower.
January 17, 2026 at 7:01 PM
I reckon Denmark offers to swap Greenland for New York.
I reckon a lot of New Yorkers would go for it and they could start by demolishing Trump Tower.
I reckon a lot of New Yorkers would go for it and they could start by demolishing Trump Tower.
Reposted by Alistair Barrie
It will not surprise you to learn that Toby Youngs 'Free Speech Union' has obtained a High Court injunction banning the publication of a list of its donors open.substack.com/pub/democrac...
Who funds the Free Speech Union?
Toby Young’s outfit went to court to hide its donors. Today we reveal that funders include US anti-abortion groups, Brexit politicians and Tufton Street insiders.
open.substack.com
January 17, 2026 at 8:45 AM
It will not surprise you to learn that Toby Youngs 'Free Speech Union' has obtained a High Court injunction banning the publication of a list of its donors open.substack.com/pub/democrac...
This would be a lot more convincing if she was bundled off camera by ICE agents after ten seconds.
Melania is delivering a speech on AI that sounds like it was written by AI
January 16, 2026 at 11:07 PM
This would be a lot more convincing if she was bundled off camera by ICE agents after ten seconds.
I was once awarded a life sentence in Alcatraz with no parole.
(Post-truth answer.)
(Post-truth answer.)
If you could give up one prize from your life's work to Donald Trump then what would it be?
January 16, 2026 at 11:04 PM
I was once awarded a life sentence in Alcatraz with no parole.
(Post-truth answer.)
(Post-truth answer.)
Sensible, liberal policies for a better Britain. 👍
January 16, 2026 at 8:26 AM
Sensible, liberal policies for a better Britain. 👍
Goodness me. Sound almost organised.
January 16, 2026 at 8:25 AM
Goodness me. Sound almost organised.