Alistair Barrie
@alistairbarrie.com
Comedian, allegedly. Latest special 'Woke in Progress' out now on ITVX: www.alistairbarrie.com
Siri: How many non-sequiturs can you fit in the same statement?
January 18, 2026 at 3:22 PM
Siri: How many non-sequiturs can you fit in the same statement?
Reposted by Alistair Barrie
I think the White House badly underestimates the strength of the pan-European folk memory of 1930s appeasement, and how deep it still cuts. I suppose this is what happens when you learn in school that WW2 started in 1941 in Hawaii.
January 18, 2026 at 1:04 PM
I think the White House badly underestimates the strength of the pan-European folk memory of 1930s appeasement, and how deep it still cuts. I suppose this is what happens when you learn in school that WW2 started in 1941 in Hawaii.
F*ck me. What bit of fawning to a multiple bankrupt, criminal, sex offending, fraudulent, weird, senile, thin-skinned, petulant, bribing, adulterous, congenitally lying, deceitful, monstrous, idiotic, decrepit f*ckwit (have I missed anything?) really does it you Mr Stanley?
Abhorrent prick(s).
Abhorrent prick(s).
These so-called "patriotic" 🇬🇧newspapers who brought you Brexit were never really patriotic at all.
They are driven by a disdain for Britain's European neighbours, and a fawning obsession with America.
They do not really want 🇬🇧 to be sovereign. They're content being a 🇺🇸vassal.
They are driven by a disdain for Britain's European neighbours, and a fawning obsession with America.
They do not really want 🇬🇧 to be sovereign. They're content being a 🇺🇸vassal.
January 18, 2026 at 8:58 AM
F*ck me. What bit of fawning to a multiple bankrupt, criminal, sex offending, fraudulent, weird, senile, thin-skinned, petulant, bribing, adulterous, congenitally lying, deceitful, monstrous, idiotic, decrepit f*ckwit (have I missed anything?) really does it you Mr Stanley?
Abhorrent prick(s).
Abhorrent prick(s).
The more I think about it, the more I believe this is a seriously good idea.
It would also present us with a fantastic excuse for failing to make it out of the group stage.
It would also present us with a fantastic excuse for failing to make it out of the group stage.
What Europe could do is threaten to boycott the World Cup. It won't. But that might actually work. Trump wants his big show.
January 17, 2026 at 11:50 PM
The more I think about it, the more I believe this is a seriously good idea.
It would also present us with a fantastic excuse for failing to make it out of the group stage.
It would also present us with a fantastic excuse for failing to make it out of the group stage.
Perfectly normal job:
Just got threatened with legal action by a heckler (who interrupted my gig to call me a sex offender) after I made him apologise to me in front of the entire audience & then refused to apologise to HIM afterwards. Apparently his ‘partner is a solicitor’.
They walk among us. 🙄
Just got threatened with legal action by a heckler (who interrupted my gig to call me a sex offender) after I made him apologise to me in front of the entire audience & then refused to apologise to HIM afterwards. Apparently his ‘partner is a solicitor’.
They walk among us. 🙄
January 17, 2026 at 11:40 PM
Perfectly normal job:
Just got threatened with legal action by a heckler (who interrupted my gig to call me a sex offender) after I made him apologise to me in front of the entire audience & then refused to apologise to HIM afterwards. Apparently his ‘partner is a solicitor’.
They walk among us. 🙄
Just got threatened with legal action by a heckler (who interrupted my gig to call me a sex offender) after I made him apologise to me in front of the entire audience & then refused to apologise to HIM afterwards. Apparently his ‘partner is a solicitor’.
They walk among us. 🙄
If only there were some examples of authoritarian rulers making ever more ridiculous territorial demands until someone stood up to them that ended badly.
January 17, 2026 at 7:13 PM
If only there were some examples of authoritarian rulers making ever more ridiculous territorial demands until someone stood up to them that ended badly.
Reposted by Alistair Barrie
What Europe could do is threaten to boycott the World Cup. It won't. But that might actually work. Trump wants his big show.
January 17, 2026 at 6:51 PM
What Europe could do is threaten to boycott the World Cup. It won't. But that might actually work. Trump wants his big show.
I reckon Denmark offers to swap Greenland for New York.
I reckon a lot of New Yorkers would go for it and they could start by demolishing Trump Tower.
I reckon a lot of New Yorkers would go for it and they could start by demolishing Trump Tower.
January 17, 2026 at 7:01 PM
I reckon Denmark offers to swap Greenland for New York.
I reckon a lot of New Yorkers would go for it and they could start by demolishing Trump Tower.
I reckon a lot of New Yorkers would go for it and they could start by demolishing Trump Tower.
Reposted by Alistair Barrie
It will not surprise you to learn that Toby Youngs 'Free Speech Union' has obtained a High Court injunction banning the publication of a list of its donors open.substack.com/pub/democrac...
Who funds the Free Speech Union?
Toby Young’s outfit went to court to hide its donors. Today we reveal that funders include US anti-abortion groups, Brexit politicians and Tufton Street insiders.
open.substack.com
January 17, 2026 at 8:45 AM
It will not surprise you to learn that Toby Youngs 'Free Speech Union' has obtained a High Court injunction banning the publication of a list of its donors open.substack.com/pub/democrac...
This would be a lot more convincing if she was bundled off camera by ICE agents after ten seconds.
Melania is delivering a speech on AI that sounds like it was written by AI
January 16, 2026 at 11:07 PM
This would be a lot more convincing if she was bundled off camera by ICE agents after ten seconds.
I was once awarded a life sentence in Alcatraz with no parole.
(Post-truth answer.)
(Post-truth answer.)
If you could give up one prize from your life's work to Donald Trump then what would it be?
January 16, 2026 at 11:04 PM
I was once awarded a life sentence in Alcatraz with no parole.
(Post-truth answer.)
(Post-truth answer.)
I have nobly decided to present Donald Trump with the prize for winning my school debating competition in 1989 to mark the way everybody says he’s the greatest speaker ever, like the best a really great oraltor which many many people have said and also to ensure world peace.
January 15, 2026 at 10:28 PM
I have nobly decided to present Donald Trump with the prize for winning my school debating competition in 1989 to mark the way everybody says he’s the greatest speaker ever, like the best a really great oraltor which many many people have said and also to ensure world peace.
Reposted by Alistair Barrie
Some analogies are so stark it would be remiss to not see them
When was the last time you can remember when insurrectionists like the Proud Boys were rewarded with roles in a new government paramilitary force like ICE?
To help your quest for historical echoes maybe start with the Munich Putsch
When was the last time you can remember when insurrectionists like the Proud Boys were rewarded with roles in a new government paramilitary force like ICE?
To help your quest for historical echoes maybe start with the Munich Putsch
January 15, 2026 at 7:04 PM
Some analogies are so stark it would be remiss to not see them
When was the last time you can remember when insurrectionists like the Proud Boys were rewarded with roles in a new government paramilitary force like ICE?
To help your quest for historical echoes maybe start with the Munich Putsch
When was the last time you can remember when insurrectionists like the Proud Boys were rewarded with roles in a new government paramilitary force like ICE?
To help your quest for historical echoes maybe start with the Munich Putsch
Reform and the Tories now resembling one of those bands who had some big hits a decade or two ago before the main players had a spectacular falling out and now tour separately under variations of the name.
Imagine if UB40 were from deepest Surrey.
Imagine if UB40 were from deepest Surrey.
January 15, 2026 at 7:22 PM
Reform and the Tories now resembling one of those bands who had some big hits a decade or two ago before the main players had a spectacular falling out and now tour separately under variations of the name.
Imagine if UB40 were from deepest Surrey.
Imagine if UB40 were from deepest Surrey.
I mean in fairness, being ‘the most shameless man in parliament’ would seem to evince *some* sort of talent.
So it couldn’t be Jenrick.
So it couldn’t be Jenrick.
A month ago someone in Jenrick's team got in touch to complain that I'd called him "the most shameless man in parliament." I mean.
January 15, 2026 at 4:58 PM
I mean in fairness, being ‘the most shameless man in parliament’ would seem to evince *some* sort of talent.
So it couldn’t be Jenrick.
So it couldn’t be Jenrick.
Beginning to wonder if Reform should change its name to ‘Re-form the Conservative Party’
Catchy, huh?
Catchy, huh?
January 15, 2026 at 4:14 PM
Beginning to wonder if Reform should change its name to ‘Re-form the Conservative Party’
Catchy, huh?
Catchy, huh?
You thought America was late to two World Wars? Wait til you hear how long it took them to adopt fascism. 🤯
Non-protesting dad just trying to hustle his kids, as young as 6mo, out of the neighborhood. ICE threw a flash-bang INTO HIS car, all 6 kids in the hospital now.
If anyone wondered how things turn against occupying armies there's a case study playing out in front of you.
If anyone wondered how things turn against occupying armies there's a case study playing out in front of you.
That is what was relayed
January 15, 2026 at 7:15 AM
You thought America was late to two World Wars? Wait til you hear how long it took them to adopt fascism. 🤯
Helluva summary:
I think this sums it up. He is a laughing stock around the world.
“A festering carcass of American rot. A rotting pumpkin.” Thank you, Oliver from the UK👏
“A festering carcass of American rot. A rotting pumpkin.” Thank you, Oliver from the UK👏
January 15, 2026 at 6:45 AM
Helluva summary:
Just got a call from my brother. My mother has ‘just finished’ the Christmas ham. She thinks it may have been “a day or two over”.
Our portion didn’t see January.
No wonder we’ve got an aging population. That generation not only made millions on their houses, they’re also impossible to kill. 🍖
Our portion didn’t see January.
No wonder we’ve got an aging population. That generation not only made millions on their houses, they’re also impossible to kill. 🍖
January 14, 2026 at 9:41 PM
Just got a call from my brother. My mother has ‘just finished’ the Christmas ham. She thinks it may have been “a day or two over”.
Our portion didn’t see January.
No wonder we’ve got an aging population. That generation not only made millions on their houses, they’re also impossible to kill. 🍖
Our portion didn’t see January.
No wonder we’ve got an aging population. That generation not only made millions on their houses, they’re also impossible to kill. 🍖
You know when non-London audiences get pissed off with comics doing jokes about the tube?
Well, here are those jokes in map form:
Well, here are those jokes in map form:
January 14, 2026 at 8:06 PM
You know when non-London audiences get pissed off with comics doing jokes about the tube?
Well, here are those jokes in map form:
Well, here are those jokes in map form:
CALVIN & HOBBES = GOAT
Bill Watterson is my favorite cartoonist. I adored the relationship btw Calvin and Hobbes as a child. But as I've gotten older, these strips feel even more tender and insightful. My respect for him grew when I learned of his stance against merchandising. Such principles are almost unheard of today.
![Excerpt from Wikipedia reads: "Fight against merchandising his characters
For years, Watterson battled against pressure from publishers to merchandise his work, something that he felt would cheapen his comic through compromising the act of creation or reading.[21][22]
He refused to merchandise his creations on the grounds that displaying Calvin and Hobbes images on commercially sold mugs, stickers, and T-shirts would devalue the characters and their personalities. Watterson said that Universal kept putting pressure on him and that he had signed his contract without fully perusing it because, as a new artist, he was happy just to find a syndicate willing to give him a chance (two other syndicates had previously turned him down). He added that the contract was so one-sided that, if Universal really wanted to, they could license his characters against his will, and could even fire him and continue Calvin and Hobbes with a new artist. Watterson's position eventually won out, and he was able to renegotiate his contract so that he would receive all rights to his work. Later he said that the licensing fight exhausted him and contributed to the need for a nine-month sabbatical in 1991.[23]"](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:ks3gpa6ftoyaq7hmf6c4qx4c/bafkreihmgl3sxrmb5t6edpjnixyanj2rvcf43zdv46mbifhl7hdtmz5u6y@jpeg)
January 14, 2026 at 8:00 AM
CALVIN & HOBBES = GOAT
Inside: Live action remake of Beauty and The Beast
The White House has added a new sign above the Rose Garden reading “The Rose Garden.”
January 13, 2026 at 10:20 PM
Inside: Live action remake of Beauty and The Beast
Let’s hand the most powerful job on the planet to an emotionally stunted teenager.
What could possibly go wrong?
What could possibly go wrong?
Imagine having Trump point at you - you specifically - and say "fuck you" - again, fuck *you* specifically - twice in one day, and then he caps it off by flicking you off in front of everyone. The stuff of legends tbh
WATCH: Trump shows his middle finger and appears to say "fuck you" after Ford worker yells "pedophile protector" - TMZ
January 13, 2026 at 10:16 PM
Let’s hand the most powerful job on the planet to an emotionally stunted teenager.
What could possibly go wrong?
What could possibly go wrong?
I would ask how these guys sleep at night but I’m pretty sure the answer is they mostly do it during the day. In a coffin.
Mike Johnson claims that the ICE officer who shot and killed Renee Nicole Good was "very patient"
January 13, 2026 at 6:05 PM
I would ask how these guys sleep at night but I’m pretty sure the answer is they mostly do it during the day. In a coffin.
I’m not holding a candle for Scott Adams here. I am saying anyone who reads this and *doesn’t* think Donald a Trump is a wanker of the HIGHEST order is deeply psychologically impaired:
January 13, 2026 at 5:53 PM
I’m not holding a candle for Scott Adams here. I am saying anyone who reads this and *doesn’t* think Donald a Trump is a wanker of the HIGHEST order is deeply psychologically impaired: