Author | Lightnews

Certified™ Not Chopped (They/Them) 🇵🇸

@dylanbickers.com

440 followers 560 following 1.8K posts

(They/them) Non-binary Jewish communist. Untrained anthropologist studying the significance of shitposts. My views do not reflect those of my unemployer.

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Certified™ Not Chopped (They/Them) 🇵🇸 @dylanbickers.com · Sep 22

I love a quick sandwich. Havarti, chili crisp fried egg, smoked salmon, kewpie mayo. Just make a sandwich dawg I promise you won’t regret it.

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rich traditions @helldude.bsky.social · 22m

mamdani absolutely mesmerized this guy. he can't stop saying affordability now lmao. also he looks like absolute shit

Aaron Rupar @atrupar.com · 2h

Trump: "I don't want to hear about the affordability, because right now we're much less. If you look at energy, we're getting close to $2 a gallon gasoline."

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Magnum, T.I.(M.) @hydrationchimp.bsky.social · 1h

@veryimportant.lawyer really nailed it

GOV. DESANTIS ASKS IF FLORIDA SHOULD IMPOSE TARIFFS ON FLEEING NEW YORKERS OR BUILD A WALL

working on a new unified theory of american reality i'm calling "everyone is twelve now"

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The Serfs (youtube.com/theserfstv) @theserfstv.bsky.social · 20m

Nancy Pelosi retired just in time

onion person @junlper.beer · 6h

the collapse is coming. the infinite tech money loop might be ending soon

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✨brit✨ @britculpsapp.bsky.social · 36m

damn, end of an era. can’t believe nancy pelosi is actually retiring.

elderly white woman in congress pushed in wheelchair

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Certified™ Not Chopped (They/Them) 🇵🇸 @dylanbickers.com · 35m

I think there isn’t gonna be anything funnier this year than the Ziwe interview with Eric Adams

Certified™ Not Chopped (They/Them) 🇵🇸 @dylanbickers.com · 6h

This bitch would fold and just put the coins on their own eyes if Charon came with a kayak

Certified™ Not Chopped (They/Them) 🇵🇸 @dylanbickers.com · 14h

I think that watches are very cool
and more people should be able to buy a nice one without mortgaging a home

Certified™ Not Chopped (They/Them) 🇵🇸 @dylanbickers.com · 14h

I’m worried I don’t get the onion (read: real news) out here what should I do @bencollins.bsky.social

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Jesse Hawken @jessehawken.bsky.social · 15h

Good morning

「ＹＡＳＥ」 eclipse @eclipse.yase.world · 6d

I'm still thinking about the absolutely wild intro to this LeBron fancam I found last night

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Papa “Thanksgiving” Fazuul @papafazuul.bsky.social · 15h

I will never vote for:

Pete Buttigieg
Gavin Newsom
JB Pritzker
Kamala Harris

(This list is a work in progress)

Just Regular Samantha Again @bolshevikmilf.bsky.social · 1d

i will never vote for pete buttigieg

aaron can still smell the onions and mustard @hillenjoyer.bsky.social · 1d

pete buttigieg made a point to congratulate last night’s winners not named zohran mamdani, what a little twerp

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Certified™ Not Chopped (They/Them) 🇵🇸 @dylanbickers.com · 15h

I think more people here need to chill the fuck out. They’ve been in the lib space too long and forgot what jokes are.

Certified™ Not Chopped (They/Them) 🇵🇸 @dylanbickers.com · 15h

Please let me lib out for another day

Certified™ Not Chopped (They/Them) 🇵🇸 @dylanbickers.com · 15h

No Zohran is not a revolutionary. But there’s a lot of freaks and weirdos out there who are going to set more billions of dollars on fire to make people think wanting something better doesn’t work. Don’t let them kill your spirit.

Certified™ Not Chopped (They/Them) 🇵🇸 @dylanbickers.com · 15h

Hey dawg I am a prison abolitionist but I think we should build a special Ooni Oven type shit to lock you in

Blake Herzinger @bdherzinger.bsky.social · 1d

All drug use outside palliative care should be criminalized and possession of dealer quantities should be punishable by death without appeal.

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ICE must be destroyed 🏳️‍⚧️🏴 @miawong.bsky.social · 22h

Oh wow that was fast! Had a lovely time talking about the New York elections, the tech fascists buying the media, and how everyone hating the fascists gives me hope for the future

Moreover, ICE must be destroyed

Kill The Computer @killthecomputer.com · 22h

Everybody Wants to Rule the World ft. Mia Wong

Everybody Wants to Rule the World Ft. Mia Wong

Podcast Episode · Kill The Computer · 11/06/2025 · 1h 13m

podcasts.apple.com

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Certified™ Not Chopped (They/Them) 🇵🇸 @dylanbickers.com · 15h

That wasn’t the punchline but thank you.

Certified™ Not Chopped (They/Them) 🇵🇸 @dylanbickers.com · 16h

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Joni Askola @joniaskola.bsky.social · 17h

Not surprising

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Certified™ Not Chopped (They/Them) 🇵🇸 @dylanbickers.com · 1d

Papers Please. Now I have your papers. Good papers don’t exist anymore. Weird.

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yung intranet @bane.slop.exchange · 1d

Rather than correcting the behavior of non-discriminant shooting by cops at protests, this shifts the blame towards press not having proper credentials. I doubt a mutual agreement will be honored by LAPD. It's not like there is a long history of them breaking laws and "agreements".

Joey Scott @joeyneverjoe.bsky.social · 1d

Councilmember Ysabel Jurado has introduced a motion to protect journalists covering protests. The motion: LAPD will create a public campaign on how to obtain LAPD-issued press passes along w/ signing MoUs between press groups and the city to create an agreement on conduct at protests.

Councilmember Ysabel Jurado Introduces Motion to Bolster Protections for Journalists Covering Protests

LOS ANGELES – Today, Councilmember Ysabel Jurado introduced a motion to bolster protections for journalists covering protests and other public demonstrations in Los Angeles, ensuring they can report freely and safely.

The motion follows a federal lawsuit against the Los Angeles Police Department, citing multiple instances in which officers fired less-lethal projectiles at journalists covering protests. A judge subsequently issued a Temporary Restraining Order prohibiting such targeting, reaffirming the critical role of the press in keeping the public informed and enabling civic participation.

“When the press can freely and safely do its job, the public can participate fully in our democracy,” said Councilmember Ysabel Jurado. “Our responsibility as a City is to make sure those who report the truth are protected, not punished, for doing their jobs.”

State law does not require specific press credentials for journalists covering protests. LAPD Media Guidelines note that press badges are “optional tools,” but ambiguity in verifying press status has led to constitutional violations, costly settlements, and federal court intervention, highlighting the urgent need for clear, standardized guidelines to protect members of the press and safeguard taxpayer dollars.

Councilmember Jurado’s motion calls on the LAPD to develop a public campaign explaining how members of the press can obtain an LAPD press badge. It also calls for collaboration with several City departments to create a Memorandum of Understanding between the LAPD, the Los Angeles Press Club, and the Radio & Television News Association of Southern California. The MOU would establish a shared code of conduct for First Amendment demonstrations, setting clear, operational standards for how LAPD engages with journalists.

The motion also calls on the City Attorney, CLA, and CAO to develop

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Leah Greenberg ❌👑 @leahgreenberg.bsky.social · 1d

serious note: they're gonna try 5x harder to sabotage the midterms after tonight and we're gonna have to organize on a literally historic scale to stop them

darth™️ @darthbluesky.bsky.social · 2d

really obvious now why trump and the republican party have been working so hard to prevent fair elections lol they know

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PISS_SHITTER @amiyatzin.bsky.social · 1d

crying at how he hits the word "filibuster" at 0:29 😭 "ffffUILibustar"

Matt Novak @paleofuture.bsky.social · 1d

Bluesky has a 3-minute limit but here's most of Trump's new video telling Republicans to end the filibuster.

"It was their idea originally, Obama and Harry Reid, in order to screw the Republicans, and now we can turn it around and we can screw the Democrats and make our country so strong."

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Andrew Lawrence @ndrew.bsky.social · 1d

the cope on fox tonight has been good

A screenshot from Fox News' The Ingraham Angle

Laura Ingraham is on the left half of the screen talking to Vivek Ramaswamy remotely and he is on the right half of the screen

The chyron reads "By winning, Democrats are actually losing"

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Certified™ Not Chopped (They/Them) 🇵🇸 @dylanbickers.com · 1d

Let’s goooooo

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Jaya Saxena @jayasaxena.com · 1d

Well this piece just won an IACP award!

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