genuinely though. i should be allowed to go to the local CVS and buy a pack of newports, a bottle of Tito's, a 9mm handgun, progesterone, fentanyl, and a diet dr pepper as long as I got my ID.
February 16, 2026 at 3:18 AM
genuinely though. i should be allowed to go to the local CVS and buy a pack of newports, a bottle of Tito's, a 9mm handgun, progesterone, fentanyl, and a diet dr pepper as long as I got my ID.
Sorry Stella, but if it’s not Newports then no thanks.
February 15, 2026 at 9:54 PM
Sorry Stella, but if it’s not Newports then no thanks.
I forgot I had a dream about someone getting us a Valentine’s Day gift that consisted of candies, a card, drinks, incense, & a pack of Newports for dad and a pack of Kools for me…
I miss cigarettes…
I miss cigarettes…
February 15, 2026 at 5:58 AM
I forgot I had a dream about someone getting us a Valentine’s Day gift that consisted of candies, a card, drinks, incense, & a pack of Newports for dad and a pack of Kools for me…
I miss cigarettes…
I miss cigarettes…
This place was clearly legit, & I’ll go back get something more in my wheel house next time, but I’m gonna get checked for emphysema after the liquid newports I consumed.
February 15, 2026 at 5:48 AM
This place was clearly legit, & I’ll go back get something more in my wheel house next time, but I’m gonna get checked for emphysema after the liquid newports I consumed.
Whoever decided to design that inhaler to look like a pack of Newports is a real one 💯
February 15, 2026 at 4:11 AM
Whoever decided to design that inhaler to look like a pack of Newports is a real one 💯
i haven’t actually seen that many full episodes of spongebob and didn’t know that “canned bread” is also a plot element in the episode where squidward moves to the bikini bottom equivalent of The Villages until yesterday. only ever knew that scene from the “motherfuckin newports” edit
developed an insane craving for canned brown bread yesterday and i don't even know if anywhere sells it out here but i've got a couple of hunches
February 14, 2026 at 5:04 PM
i haven’t actually seen that many full episodes of spongebob and didn’t know that “canned bread” is also a plot element in the episode where squidward moves to the bikini bottom equivalent of The Villages until yesterday. only ever knew that scene from the “motherfuckin newports” edit
my dad also smoked enough newports for a leather jacket which unfortunately was incinerated in a buick lesabre estate wagon explosion
February 13, 2026 at 11:08 PM
my dad also smoked enough newports for a leather jacket which unfortunately was incinerated in a buick lesabre estate wagon explosion
tired: smoking 495 packs of newports to trade the barcodes in for a nikon coolpix 2000 in 2002
wired:
wired:
It took me months, about 495 rides, recovering from a shattered right foot and hacking a folding scooter, but I finally own a Nintendo Switch 2 using points obtained from Citi Bike. Afterwards, it left me questioning the very nature of work. For @aftermath.site.
aftermath.site/switch-2-cit...
aftermath.site/switch-2-cit...
February 13, 2026 at 8:48 PM
tired: smoking 495 packs of newports to trade the barcodes in for a nikon coolpix 2000 in 2002
wired:
wired:
that’s just a pack of newports but yea go off
February 13, 2026 at 1:37 PM
that’s just a pack of newports but yea go off
Whoever sold me this 80's bomber jacket smoked a pack of newports a day but DAMN is this thang fresh af
February 11, 2026 at 5:44 PM
Whoever sold me this 80's bomber jacket smoked a pack of newports a day but DAMN is this thang fresh af
Reds
H&B
Black and milds
Lucky strike
Camel blues
Pall Mall
Clove cigs
Newports I fucking hate Newports
H&B
Black and milds
Lucky strike
Camel blues
Pall Mall
Clove cigs
Newports I fucking hate Newports
February 11, 2026 at 4:56 AM
Reds
H&B
Black and milds
Lucky strike
Camel blues
Pall Mall
Clove cigs
Newports I fucking hate Newports
H&B
Black and milds
Lucky strike
Camel blues
Pall Mall
Clove cigs
Newports I fucking hate Newports
No. Welcome to unc, I'll get you a cup of coffee from OnCue and a pack of Newports
February 10, 2026 at 7:50 PM
No. Welcome to unc, I'll get you a cup of coffee from OnCue and a pack of Newports
should've given him Newports instead
February 10, 2026 at 5:02 PM
should've given him Newports instead
In that case ur adding like 15-30 years onto their lives, a pallet of newports for each year, and maintaining the nearly 0% possibility for a psychiatrist to be involved
February 10, 2026 at 4:16 AM
In that case ur adding like 15-30 years onto their lives, a pallet of newports for each year, and maintaining the nearly 0% possibility for a psychiatrist to be involved
Man just came in my office smelling like he was still smoking them Newports....
February 9, 2026 at 3:37 PM
Man just came in my office smelling like he was still smoking them Newports....
The Packet of Newports that Walked Like a Man
February 9, 2026 at 2:13 AM
The Packet of Newports that Walked Like a Man
I think it's Newports on Sundays.
February 9, 2026 at 1:28 AM
I think it's Newports on Sundays.
Loot that drops after defeating me:
1: USB
2: empty gum wrapper
3: chance xl flared with cumtube
4: mf newports
5: The Declaration of Independence
1: USB
2: empty gum wrapper
3: chance xl flared with cumtube
4: mf newports
5: The Declaration of Independence
Loot that drops after defeating me:
1: credit card (stolen)
2: credit card (stolen)
3: credit card (stolen)
4: credit card (stolen)
5: credit card (stolen)
6: RC kei truck
7: neat curly horns
8: 12 pack sugar free Red Bull
9: knife
10: knife
11: knife
12: knife
1: credit card (stolen)
2: credit card (stolen)
3: credit card (stolen)
4: credit card (stolen)
5: credit card (stolen)
6: RC kei truck
7: neat curly horns
8: 12 pack sugar free Red Bull
9: knife
10: knife
11: knife
12: knife
Loot that drops after defeating me:
1. An empty jolly rancher wrapper, blue flavor
2. Unmarked chastity cage key (not mine)
3. Receipt with the city sanitation director’s phone number scribbled on the back
4. Jolly rancher, blue flavor, no wrapper
5. Disturbingly large bottle of estrogen pills
1. An empty jolly rancher wrapper, blue flavor
2. Unmarked chastity cage key (not mine)
3. Receipt with the city sanitation director’s phone number scribbled on the back
4. Jolly rancher, blue flavor, no wrapper
5. Disturbingly large bottle of estrogen pills
February 8, 2026 at 3:29 PM
Loot that drops after defeating me:
1: USB
2: empty gum wrapper
3: chance xl flared with cumtube
4: mf newports
5: The Declaration of Independence
1: USB
2: empty gum wrapper
3: chance xl flared with cumtube
4: mf newports
5: The Declaration of Independence
I've gotten my brother into playing this game with me and after sending this to him, every time we're on King's side we boost each other by saying "we gotta get our newports from the king!" And it has helped us.
February 8, 2026 at 11:21 AM
I've gotten my brother into playing this game with me and after sending this to him, every time we're on King's side we boost each other by saying "we gotta get our newports from the king!" And it has helped us.
wait a second, the only thing eddie smokes is fools and newports
February 8, 2026 at 3:52 AM
wait a second, the only thing eddie smokes is fools and newports
Make those cigs Newports, & that’s my Mom’s kitchen table. She passed 5 yrs. ago, this made me smile, thank you.
February 8, 2026 at 1:03 AM
Make those cigs Newports, & that’s my Mom’s kitchen table. She passed 5 yrs. ago, this made me smile, thank you.
Loot that drops after defeating me~ 😘
- half-empty pack newports (15%)
- coffee mug (14%)
- 7-11 receipt (90%)
- 1 contact lens (1%, random color)
- chapstick (20%, random fruit flavor)
- liquid iv packet (50%)
- fire emblem game (1%, roll for 7, 9, 10)
- call of the wild, paperback (5%)
- half-empty pack newports (15%)
- coffee mug (14%)
- 7-11 receipt (90%)
- 1 contact lens (1%, random color)
- chapstick (20%, random fruit flavor)
- liquid iv packet (50%)
- fire emblem game (1%, roll for 7, 9, 10)
- call of the wild, paperback (5%)
Loot that drops after defeating me
(all booby trapped, good luck, JERK)
- shimmer inks
- character merch
- cuticle oil rollerball
- “romance” manga (📚 + digital)
- blood oranges
- case of chi forest Pomelo Zest
- jewel tone “darn tough” socks
- 70% read copy of Stone Butch Blues
- sheets of stamps
(all booby trapped, good luck, JERK)
- shimmer inks
- character merch
- cuticle oil rollerball
- “romance” manga (📚 + digital)
- blood oranges
- case of chi forest Pomelo Zest
- jewel tone “darn tough” socks
- 70% read copy of Stone Butch Blues
- sheets of stamps
Loot that drops after defeating me
-Thermoflask (50% filled with kombucha; 50% filled with boba tea; +10 comfort)
-Toothbrush (20%; + 5 hygiene)
-Pillbox (30%; -1 PER; +1 WIS)
-Senheiser Headphones (40%; -1 PER; +10 comfort)
-Black e.l.f lipstick (10%; +2 CHA)
-Thermoflask (50% filled with kombucha; 50% filled with boba tea; +10 comfort)
-Toothbrush (20%; + 5 hygiene)
-Pillbox (30%; -1 PER; +1 WIS)
-Senheiser Headphones (40%; -1 PER; +10 comfort)
-Black e.l.f lipstick (10%; +2 CHA)
February 7, 2026 at 9:19 PM
Loot that drops after defeating me~ 😘
- half-empty pack newports (15%)
- coffee mug (14%)
- 7-11 receipt (90%)
- 1 contact lens (1%, random color)
- chapstick (20%, random fruit flavor)
- liquid iv packet (50%)
- fire emblem game (1%, roll for 7, 9, 10)
- call of the wild, paperback (5%)
- half-empty pack newports (15%)
- coffee mug (14%)
- 7-11 receipt (90%)
- 1 contact lens (1%, random color)
- chapstick (20%, random fruit flavor)
- liquid iv packet (50%)
- fire emblem game (1%, roll for 7, 9, 10)
- call of the wild, paperback (5%)
newports?
no one told me you were a woman of culture, skip
no one told me you were a woman of culture, skip
February 7, 2026 at 3:45 PM
newports?
no one told me you were a woman of culture, skip
no one told me you were a woman of culture, skip
They should replace the menthol in Newports with steroids or something
February 7, 2026 at 2:20 PM
They should replace the menthol in Newports with steroids or something