Todd Lunch
@toddlunch.bsky.social
Father was a harsh man.Tough disciplinarian. Once, he caught me smoking cigarettes. As punishment he locked me in a cupboard, & wouldn't let me out until I'd eaten the entire contents of Knowsley Safari Park. Including the gift shop. He never told me why.
"AI, please remake Platoon in stop motion", I bark at my butler, Keith, whom I've repurposed as offline Chat GPT.
November 30, 2025 at 9:59 PM
"AI, please remake Platoon in stop motion", I bark at my butler, Keith, whom I've repurposed as offline Chat GPT.
Finally managed to get the tree up. It bloody hurt.
November 30, 2025 at 7:10 PM
Finally managed to get the tree up. It bloody hurt.
Pleading with the corpses we discovered under the house to stay still whilst I put the body bags on them, but theyre in such a hurry. Why is there a fully operational mass transit system in this guy's basement?
November 30, 2025 at 5:01 PM
Pleading with the corpses we discovered under the house to stay still whilst I put the body bags on them, but theyre in such a hurry. Why is there a fully operational mass transit system in this guy's basement?
Got myself an Admin Calendar, so now I have to open Windows every day.
November 30, 2025 at 2:19 PM
Got myself an Admin Calendar, so now I have to open Windows every day.
Went to a show last night, and the hypnotist convinced my wife she was a serial killer. We were all howling with laughter as she dismembered the young couple in the front row. Blood everywhere. Anyway, we're all in a lot of trouble now. Probably wouldn't go again.
November 30, 2025 at 12:08 PM
Went to a show last night, and the hypnotist convinced my wife she was a serial killer. We were all howling with laughter as she dismembered the young couple in the front row. Blood everywhere. Anyway, we're all in a lot of trouble now. Probably wouldn't go again.
Do birds of prey ususually stay perfectly still during the day? Because our kestrel manoeuvres in the dark.
November 29, 2025 at 4:03 PM
Do birds of prey ususually stay perfectly still during the day? Because our kestrel manoeuvres in the dark.
Requiem For A Meme
AI Claudius
The CAPTCHA in the Rye
November 29, 2025 at 1:35 PM
Requiem For A Meme
I can watch Avenue 5 over and over. It's an astounding piece of work, and criminally underrated. Dense with top notch jokes and myriad characters capable of stealing the show. If you haven't seen it, I implore you to watch it. You won't never regret it mister.
November 28, 2025 at 9:19 PM
I can watch Avenue 5 over and over. It's an astounding piece of work, and criminally underrated. Dense with top notch jokes and myriad characters capable of stealing the show. If you haven't seen it, I implore you to watch it. You won't never regret it mister.
To the old woman i had a scuffle with, battling for the 2 for 1 Monster Munch, no hard feelings, and I hope they manage to save the leg. X
#BlackFriday
#BlackFriday
November 28, 2025 at 1:36 PM
To the old woman i had a scuffle with, battling for the 2 for 1 Monster Munch, no hard feelings, and I hope they manage to save the leg. X
#BlackFriday
#BlackFriday
The statistics agency have repeatedly refused to give me the data on suicide by quicksand. What are they hiding?
November 28, 2025 at 1:19 PM
The statistics agency have repeatedly refused to give me the data on suicide by quicksand. What are they hiding?
A previously unknown subspecies of Chuckle Brother.
November 27, 2025 at 4:38 PM
A previously unknown subspecies of Chuckle Brother.
I remember being horrified when my father told me Santa didn't exist. Mainly because he'd been dead for several years.
November 27, 2025 at 4:35 PM
I remember being horrified when my father told me Santa didn't exist. Mainly because he'd been dead for several years.
"I love it when a flan comes together."
The Pâttissier-Team
The Pâttissier-Team
November 26, 2025 at 10:32 PM
"I love it when a flan comes together."
The Pâttissier-Team
The Pâttissier-Team
Tax people who use t' incorrectly when mimicking/mocking yorkshire folk.
November 26, 2025 at 6:27 PM
Tax people who use t' incorrectly when mimicking/mocking yorkshire folk.
Had Farage been beaten silly in his formative years, I suspect we'd never have heard of him. The only aspect of bullying I have a problem with, is that it was mainly done to the wrong people.
November 26, 2025 at 11:52 AM
Had Farage been beaten silly in his formative years, I suspect we'd never have heard of him. The only aspect of bullying I have a problem with, is that it was mainly done to the wrong people.
POP TRIVIA:
Novelty song '(Do The) Hitler Hustle' was hated so much by critics and audiences alike, that even the band refused to write it.
Novelty song '(Do The) Hitler Hustle' was hated so much by critics and audiences alike, that even the band refused to write it.
November 25, 2025 at 7:13 PM
POP TRIVIA:
Novelty song '(Do The) Hitler Hustle' was hated so much by critics and audiences alike, that even the band refused to write it.
Novelty song '(Do The) Hitler Hustle' was hated so much by critics and audiences alike, that even the band refused to write it.
Borderline shornographic. What's next, goat couture?
November 24, 2025 at 10:42 PM
Borderline shornographic. What's next, goat couture?
I remember seeing Vacuum Packed Grandpa play at the Abattoir, back when Clive Bastards was the front man. Never heard anything like it before or since. Or even then.
November 24, 2025 at 6:16 PM
I remember seeing Vacuum Packed Grandpa play at the Abattoir, back when Clive Bastards was the front man. Never heard anything like it before or since. Or even then.
"It's not like them at all, to go off without at least leaving a note. We just want them to know we love them, and whatever it is, we can work it out together."
November 24, 2025 at 1:55 PM
"It's not like them at all, to go off without at least leaving a note. We just want them to know we love them, and whatever it is, we can work it out together."
I must've visited the Quora website at some point, because now all my emails are from Quora, with questions from Americans, like...."Do UK people have heads?"
November 23, 2025 at 5:41 PM
I must've visited the Quora website at some point, because now all my emails are from Quora, with questions from Americans, like...."Do UK people have heads?"
We might've been better off with a drubbing to be honest. We might've played decent enough to keep the board procrastinating. A spanking would surely have provided clarity. #LUFC
November 23, 2025 at 4:05 PM
We might've been better off with a drubbing to be honest. We might've played decent enough to keep the board procrastinating. A spanking would surely have provided clarity. #LUFC