The Implication News
@theimplicationnews.bsky.social
News, the way it used to be. Written slowly, with a lot of words, by people barely keeping it together.
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Salad Suppliers Pledge To Continue Including Just Enough In Bag That Some Will Go Bad If You’re Single https://theonion.com/salad-suppliers-pledge-to-continue-including-just-enoug-1819579707/
February 11, 2026 at 11:00 PM
Salad Suppliers Pledge To Continue Including Just Enough In Bag That Some Will Go Bad If You’re Single https://theonion.com/salad-suppliers-pledge-to-continue-including-just-enoug-1819579707/
Reposted by The Implication News
Reposted by The Implication News
And yet another awesome one leaves this world. LaMonte McLemore of The 5th Dimension. Co-founder of a band of great singers with impeccable taste in songwriters. Those hit records they made are timeless. Rest In Peace. www.nytimes.com/2026/02/11/a...
LaMonte McLemore, Founding Singer With the 5th Dimension, Dies at 90
www.nytimes.com
February 11, 2026 at 11:30 PM
And yet another awesome one leaves this world. LaMonte McLemore of The 5th Dimension. Co-founder of a band of great singers with impeccable taste in songwriters. Those hit records they made are timeless. Rest In Peace. www.nytimes.com/2026/02/11/a...
Reposted by The Implication News
Department Of Education Sternly Announces It Is Counting To 3 https://theonion.com/department-of-education-sternly-announces-it-is-counting-to-3/
February 11, 2026 at 10:00 PM
Department Of Education Sternly Announces It Is Counting To 3 https://theonion.com/department-of-education-sternly-announces-it-is-counting-to-3/
Breaking News: Politics
Pam Bondi insists that Trump is innocent of any crimes that deal with the Epstein case.
She also insists in letting the public know that Trump will sign any photo of himself visiting Epstein’s Island. As we are spoiled for choice.
Pam Bondi insists that Trump is innocent of any crimes that deal with the Epstein case.
She also insists in letting the public know that Trump will sign any photo of himself visiting Epstein’s Island. As we are spoiled for choice.
February 11, 2026 at 8:58 PM
Breaking News: Politics
Pam Bondi insists that Trump is innocent of any crimes that deal with the Epstein case.
She also insists in letting the public know that Trump will sign any photo of himself visiting Epstein’s Island. As we are spoiled for choice.
Pam Bondi insists that Trump is innocent of any crimes that deal with the Epstein case.
She also insists in letting the public know that Trump will sign any photo of himself visiting Epstein’s Island. As we are spoiled for choice.
Breaking News: Science
Reports suggest that parents want you to think of the worst case scenarios first. Then they want you to go below that. Then, and only then do they not want to hear you solve any of their problems.
Reports suggest that parents want you to think of the worst case scenarios first. Then they want you to go below that. Then, and only then do they not want to hear you solve any of their problems.
February 11, 2026 at 6:37 PM
Breaking News: Science
Reports suggest that parents want you to think of the worst case scenarios first. Then they want you to go below that. Then, and only then do they not want to hear you solve any of their problems.
Reports suggest that parents want you to think of the worst case scenarios first. Then they want you to go below that. Then, and only then do they not want to hear you solve any of their problems.
Reposted by The Implication News
Reposted by The Implication News
Support a small, local business by buying an Onion-branded piece of clothing that you can wear when shopping at small, local businesses. https://store.theonion.com/products/plan-to-be-more-positive-headline-t-shirt?variant=39601425023045
February 10, 2026 at 11:31 PM
Support a small, local business by buying an Onion-branded piece of clothing that you can wear when shopping at small, local businesses. https://store.theonion.com/products/plan-to-be-more-positive-headline-t-shirt?variant=39601425023045
Reposted by The Implication News
GOP Strategist Reminds Legislators There’s No Bad Ideas For Suppressing Black Vote https://theonion.com/gop-strategist-reminds-legislators-there-s-no-bad-ideas-1846449362/
February 11, 2026 at 12:30 AM
GOP Strategist Reminds Legislators There’s No Bad Ideas For Suppressing Black Vote https://theonion.com/gop-strategist-reminds-legislators-there-s-no-bad-ideas-1846449362/
@pftompkins.bsky.social I mean…you did do that one big movie.
February 11, 2026 at 3:16 AM
@pftompkins.bsky.social I mean…you did do that one big movie.
@taylorlorenz.bsky.social only if you subscribe to our independent substack newspaper.
February 11, 2026 at 3:12 AM
@taylorlorenz.bsky.social only if you subscribe to our independent substack newspaper.
Reposted by The Implication News
The young'uns that were hired for the previous MST3K reboot were all very talented, and did a great job, but this time around the concept is, "What if we gave the old farts from the original show a shot?" Why not, right? I think it's gonna be fun.
We're SO excited to announce Trace Beaulieu and Frank Conniff will be the guest bad guys on the fourth and final show of this run. In addition to that, Trace and Frank will be cowriting this episode along with the RiffTrax gang. We're over the moon!
February 10, 2026 at 6:29 PM
The young'uns that were hired for the previous MST3K reboot were all very talented, and did a great job, but this time around the concept is, "What if we gave the old farts from the original show a shot?" Why not, right? I think it's gonna be fun.
Reposted by The Implication News
Rival On AnimeNation.com Up To His Usual Horseshit https://theonion.com/rival-on-animenation-com-up-to-his-usual-horseshit/
February 10, 2026 at 10:00 PM
Rival On AnimeNation.com Up To His Usual Horseshit https://theonion.com/rival-on-animenation-com-up-to-his-usual-horseshit/
Reposted by The Implication News
Biggest news in Variety since Sticks Nix Hick Pix. variety.com/2026/tv/news...
‘Mystery Science Theater 3000’: Trace Beaulieu, Frank Conniff Set to Appear in RiffTrax Revival
Trace Beaulieu and Frank Conniff are set to appear in the upcoming revival of "Mystery Science Theater 3000"
variety.com
February 10, 2026 at 8:36 PM
Biggest news in Variety since Sticks Nix Hick Pix. variety.com/2026/tv/news...
Breaking News: Science
Scientists have found out that if you own a cat. The chances of you becoming a “Cat Lady” increases by 98%.
(There is a 2% margin of error in this study.)
Scientists have found out that if you own a cat. The chances of you becoming a “Cat Lady” increases by 98%.
(There is a 2% margin of error in this study.)
February 10, 2026 at 11:42 PM
Breaking News: Science
Scientists have found out that if you own a cat. The chances of you becoming a “Cat Lady” increases by 98%.
(There is a 2% margin of error in this study.)
Scientists have found out that if you own a cat. The chances of you becoming a “Cat Lady” increases by 98%.
(There is a 2% margin of error in this study.)
The Washington Post lays off a third of their staff due to budget cuts. Jeff Bezos confirmed to The Imp that he had to shrink down the organization due to a lack of funding and readership.
During the video call Mr. Bezos was able to find the funding between his couch cushions but shrugged it off.
During the video call Mr. Bezos was able to find the funding between his couch cushions but shrugged it off.
February 10, 2026 at 8:02 PM
The Washington Post lays off a third of their staff due to budget cuts. Jeff Bezos confirmed to The Imp that he had to shrink down the organization due to a lack of funding and readership.
During the video call Mr. Bezos was able to find the funding between his couch cushions but shrugged it off.
During the video call Mr. Bezos was able to find the funding between his couch cushions but shrugged it off.
Don lemons was arrested for insisting a riot in a church. The nail in the coffin was when he politely asked questions.
The arresting officer removed Lemon vowing to protect anyone from rights he didn’t fully understand.
The arresting officer removed Lemon vowing to protect anyone from rights he didn’t fully understand.
February 10, 2026 at 7:56 PM
Don lemons was arrested for insisting a riot in a church. The nail in the coffin was when he politely asked questions.
The arresting officer removed Lemon vowing to protect anyone from rights he didn’t fully understand.
The arresting officer removed Lemon vowing to protect anyone from rights he didn’t fully understand.
Trump will free federal funds to New York if he has his name on Penn Station and Washington Dulles airport.
The mayor has counter offered with adding his name to a collection of public toilets or if he really wants it, changing an island to Trump’s Oh, Brother Island.
The mayor has counter offered with adding his name to a collection of public toilets or if he really wants it, changing an island to Trump’s Oh, Brother Island.
February 10, 2026 at 7:52 PM
Trump will free federal funds to New York if he has his name on Penn Station and Washington Dulles airport.
The mayor has counter offered with adding his name to a collection of public toilets or if he really wants it, changing an island to Trump’s Oh, Brother Island.
The mayor has counter offered with adding his name to a collection of public toilets or if he really wants it, changing an island to Trump’s Oh, Brother Island.
United States are out gunned by the Mexican drug cartel. Promoting an Arms War.
Asked about the fight “they have so many guns. They are using a the latest in military equipment. I’m scared, at any moment my life could be taken away by some sniper!” Said an anonymous American soldier.
Asked about the fight “they have so many guns. They are using a the latest in military equipment. I’m scared, at any moment my life could be taken away by some sniper!” Said an anonymous American soldier.
February 10, 2026 at 7:42 PM
United States are out gunned by the Mexican drug cartel. Promoting an Arms War.
Asked about the fight “they have so many guns. They are using a the latest in military equipment. I’m scared, at any moment my life could be taken away by some sniper!” Said an anonymous American soldier.
Asked about the fight “they have so many guns. They are using a the latest in military equipment. I’m scared, at any moment my life could be taken away by some sniper!” Said an anonymous American soldier.
Breaking News: Entertainment
Josh D’Amaro has been crowned new CEO of the Disney Co. Excitement and cheer has been heard throughout the land as the hero returned after slaying the beast Chapekmansha.
He returned back from his quest and was excited to kiss a sleeping Bob Iger to claim his prize.
Josh D’Amaro has been crowned new CEO of the Disney Co. Excitement and cheer has been heard throughout the land as the hero returned after slaying the beast Chapekmansha.
He returned back from his quest and was excited to kiss a sleeping Bob Iger to claim his prize.
February 8, 2026 at 4:44 AM
Breaking News: Entertainment
Josh D’Amaro has been crowned new CEO of the Disney Co. Excitement and cheer has been heard throughout the land as the hero returned after slaying the beast Chapekmansha.
He returned back from his quest and was excited to kiss a sleeping Bob Iger to claim his prize.
Josh D’Amaro has been crowned new CEO of the Disney Co. Excitement and cheer has been heard throughout the land as the hero returned after slaying the beast Chapekmansha.
He returned back from his quest and was excited to kiss a sleeping Bob Iger to claim his prize.
Breaking News: Business
Minute Maid Frozen Orange Juice Concentrate to be discontinued by the end of the year. Reasons for its end ranged from low sales, consumer market more health focused and the fact that most cans became sentient and started attacking people as soon as they were opened.
Minute Maid Frozen Orange Juice Concentrate to be discontinued by the end of the year. Reasons for its end ranged from low sales, consumer market more health focused and the fact that most cans became sentient and started attacking people as soon as they were opened.
February 6, 2026 at 9:32 PM
Breaking News: Business
Minute Maid Frozen Orange Juice Concentrate to be discontinued by the end of the year. Reasons for its end ranged from low sales, consumer market more health focused and the fact that most cans became sentient and started attacking people as soon as they were opened.
Minute Maid Frozen Orange Juice Concentrate to be discontinued by the end of the year. Reasons for its end ranged from low sales, consumer market more health focused and the fact that most cans became sentient and started attacking people as soon as they were opened.
Breaking News: Science
An unregulated lab has been found in Vegas. Police quarantine locals including but not limited to Marty the dealer who ignores the “Wash After Restroom” sign and that lobster who’s been in the tank since Nixon. When asked about his stay, the lobster has said “Glub, Glub.”
An unregulated lab has been found in Vegas. Police quarantine locals including but not limited to Marty the dealer who ignores the “Wash After Restroom” sign and that lobster who’s been in the tank since Nixon. When asked about his stay, the lobster has said “Glub, Glub.”
February 6, 2026 at 8:41 PM
Breaking News: Science
An unregulated lab has been found in Vegas. Police quarantine locals including but not limited to Marty the dealer who ignores the “Wash After Restroom” sign and that lobster who’s been in the tank since Nixon. When asked about his stay, the lobster has said “Glub, Glub.”
An unregulated lab has been found in Vegas. Police quarantine locals including but not limited to Marty the dealer who ignores the “Wash After Restroom” sign and that lobster who’s been in the tank since Nixon. When asked about his stay, the lobster has said “Glub, Glub.”
Breaking News: Science
Fringe researchers co-opted The National Institutes of Health project to track brain development. The children's data, has been used from racist claims on social media, white nationalist message boards, to figuring out what pitch the Pied Piper used to steal children.
Fringe researchers co-opted The National Institutes of Health project to track brain development. The children's data, has been used from racist claims on social media, white nationalist message boards, to figuring out what pitch the Pied Piper used to steal children.
January 31, 2026 at 4:36 AM
Breaking News: Science
Fringe researchers co-opted The National Institutes of Health project to track brain development. The children's data, has been used from racist claims on social media, white nationalist message boards, to figuring out what pitch the Pied Piper used to steal children.
Fringe researchers co-opted The National Institutes of Health project to track brain development. The children's data, has been used from racist claims on social media, white nationalist message boards, to figuring out what pitch the Pied Piper used to steal children.
Breaking News: Tech
Bill Gates donates $2 billions to ex-wife foundation. The money will be going to forward thinking charitable causes and proving that no one can escape the clutches of a former lover.
Bill Gates donates $2 billions to ex-wife foundation. The money will be going to forward thinking charitable causes and proving that no one can escape the clutches of a former lover.
January 31, 2026 at 1:07 AM
Breaking News: Tech
Bill Gates donates $2 billions to ex-wife foundation. The money will be going to forward thinking charitable causes and proving that no one can escape the clutches of a former lover.
Bill Gates donates $2 billions to ex-wife foundation. The money will be going to forward thinking charitable causes and proving that no one can escape the clutches of a former lover.
Breaking News: Sports
The Winter Olympics have denounce ICE at the ceremonies. Officials worry agents wouldn’t be capable of understanding that they aren’t allowed to remove athletes off the field.
With one agent remarking “how am I to do my job efficiently with soooo many immigrants everywhere?”
The Winter Olympics have denounce ICE at the ceremonies. Officials worry agents wouldn’t be capable of understanding that they aren’t allowed to remove athletes off the field.
With one agent remarking “how am I to do my job efficiently with soooo many immigrants everywhere?”
January 30, 2026 at 7:49 PM
Breaking News: Sports
The Winter Olympics have denounce ICE at the ceremonies. Officials worry agents wouldn’t be capable of understanding that they aren’t allowed to remove athletes off the field.
With one agent remarking “how am I to do my job efficiently with soooo many immigrants everywhere?”
The Winter Olympics have denounce ICE at the ceremonies. Officials worry agents wouldn’t be capable of understanding that they aren’t allowed to remove athletes off the field.
With one agent remarking “how am I to do my job efficiently with soooo many immigrants everywhere?”