smugdingus
@smugdingus.bsky.social
Reposted by smugdingus
Man Hoping People Notice How Many Folding Chairs He’s Carrying At Once https://theonion.com/man-hoping-people-notice-how-many-folding-chairs-he-s-c-1819576444/
November 25, 2025 at 11:00 PM
Man Hoping People Notice How Many Folding Chairs He’s Carrying At Once https://theonion.com/man-hoping-people-notice-how-many-folding-chairs-he-s-c-1819576444/
If Kash Patel can’t keep his job then what chance do the rest of us squatty, criminally-unqualified, racist pieces of irredeemable human shit have? Scary times.
November 25, 2025 at 9:19 PM
If Kash Patel can’t keep his job then what chance do the rest of us squatty, criminally-unqualified, racist pieces of irredeemable human shit have? Scary times.
One thing I hate about holiday shopping is when the supermarket employees crank up the charm to obnoxious levels. I'm sure they've been told to put on bigger smiles during the season, but I'm just trying to survive in here, Brad the butcher. Stop yelling at me about BOGO shanks every time I walk by.
November 25, 2025 at 7:37 PM
One thing I hate about holiday shopping is when the supermarket employees crank up the charm to obnoxious levels. I'm sure they've been told to put on bigger smiles during the season, but I'm just trying to survive in here, Brad the butcher. Stop yelling at me about BOGO shanks every time I walk by.
I know the holidays are in full swing when I see a guy in a red white and blue Punisher t-shirt body slamming a shrieking elderly woman over a Hyvee parking space.
November 25, 2025 at 7:34 PM
I know the holidays are in full swing when I see a guy in a red white and blue Punisher t-shirt body slamming a shrieking elderly woman over a Hyvee parking space.
One thing I do love about holiday time is seeing husbands that haven't grocery shopped in 15 years staggering around the supermarket with a list and no idea what the fuck is happening. Saw a guy grab discount brand butter and was like "my dude, just no. She'll be sending your ass back for that."
November 25, 2025 at 7:29 PM
One thing I do love about holiday time is seeing husbands that haven't grocery shopped in 15 years staggering around the supermarket with a list and no idea what the fuck is happening. Saw a guy grab discount brand butter and was like "my dude, just no. She'll be sending your ass back for that."
Thank you for pardoning the turkeys, oh gracious and most powerful Gobbler Lord. May your wattle remain moist and your feathers dry.
November 25, 2025 at 5:53 PM
Thank you for pardoning the turkeys, oh gracious and most powerful Gobbler Lord. May your wattle remain moist and your feathers dry.
Within a week, we've gone from "release the files! What are you hiding?" to "they're gonna claim they can't release all of the files," to now democratic talking heads on TV saying, "even if they release it all, I doubt there's anything too juicy or sensational in there."
That was...quick.
That was...quick.
November 25, 2025 at 5:11 PM
Within a week, we've gone from "release the files! What are you hiding?" to "they're gonna claim they can't release all of the files," to now democratic talking heads on TV saying, "even if they release it all, I doubt there's anything too juicy or sensational in there."
That was...quick.
That was...quick.
Your gimmick is a ruffian but also you do 90's hip hop shtick and say shit like "big up" while finger wagging around the ring like you're in Naughty By Nature. Your main move is called BOMBACLAT. You're in a team with the gall to be named Knockout Brothers. I'm legally obligated to love you. #NJPW 🤼
November 25, 2025 at 3:02 AM
Your gimmick is a ruffian but also you do 90's hip hop shtick and say shit like "big up" while finger wagging around the ring like you're in Naughty By Nature. Your main move is called BOMBACLAT. You're in a team with the gall to be named Knockout Brothers. I'm legally obligated to love you. #NJPW 🤼
After I saw QAAETH I stopped.
the first 3 words you see will define your 2026 😭
Money
New car
Pussy
Money
New car
Pussy
November 25, 2025 at 2:47 AM
After I saw QAAETH I stopped.
Not so much "happy go lucky" as "content stay privileged."
November 25, 2025 at 2:29 AM
Not so much "happy go lucky" as "content stay privileged."
I honestly think Joe Buck pops an extra edible before some of these games.
November 25, 2025 at 2:15 AM
I honestly think Joe Buck pops an extra edible before some of these games.
I’d like to see both of these teams lose and/or just die.
November 25, 2025 at 2:08 AM
I’d like to see both of these teams lose and/or just die.
Reposted by smugdingus
Brock Purdy sounds like what a character in a Mark Twain novel calls a gemstone
November 25, 2025 at 2:06 AM
Brock Purdy sounds like what a character in a Mark Twain novel calls a gemstone
Ol Lollipop Purdy we call him. Fuckin Lollipop.
November 25, 2025 at 1:57 AM
Ol Lollipop Purdy we call him. Fuckin Lollipop.
CAPITAL ONE GUY: What’s in your wallet?
ME: Fuck off nerd.
JENNIFER GARNER: What’s in your wallet?
ME: None of your business.
SAMUEL L JACKSON: What’s in your wallet?
ME: Oh my god I don’t know here just take it sir!!!!
ME: Fuck off nerd.
JENNIFER GARNER: What’s in your wallet?
ME: None of your business.
SAMUEL L JACKSON: What’s in your wallet?
ME: Oh my god I don’t know here just take it sir!!!!
November 25, 2025 at 1:48 AM
CAPITAL ONE GUY: What’s in your wallet?
ME: Fuck off nerd.
JENNIFER GARNER: What’s in your wallet?
ME: None of your business.
SAMUEL L JACKSON: What’s in your wallet?
ME: Oh my god I don’t know here just take it sir!!!!
ME: Fuck off nerd.
JENNIFER GARNER: What’s in your wallet?
ME: None of your business.
SAMUEL L JACKSON: What’s in your wallet?
ME: Oh my god I don’t know here just take it sir!!!!
I wouldn’t know where start.
yes, hello, I would like to place an order for everyone’s funniest stories of holiday food-related family grudges / drama / chaotic incidents / lore
I feel like we need this
I feel like we need this
November 25, 2025 at 1:34 AM
I wouldn’t know where start.
The Super Bowl of terrible uniforms would be a Panthers v Patriots matchup for the ages.
November 25, 2025 at 1:33 AM
The Super Bowl of terrible uniforms would be a Panthers v Patriots matchup for the ages.
See ya in hell, ham.
with charity and goodwill, i must here part ways with rolls.
November 25, 2025 at 1:29 AM
See ya in hell, ham.
My only issue with Pluribus is basically my issue with every show. Who fuckin cares?
November 24, 2025 at 5:26 AM
My only issue with Pluribus is basically my issue with every show. Who fuckin cares?
This season feels so fuckin weird. By the time we get to the Super Bowl it’s gonna be like the Bears vs Ravens or some shit and that’s kinda awesome.
November 24, 2025 at 3:13 AM
This season feels so fuckin weird. By the time we get to the Super Bowl it’s gonna be like the Bears vs Ravens or some shit and that’s kinda awesome.
THERAPIST: Would you say you like taking shortcuts with tasks?
ME: Do you mean shortcuts like so I can complete a task faster? No. Or do you mean shortcuts as in cheating so I can actually accomplish my task because otherwise I wouldn't be able to? 100% yes.
THERAPIST: Interesting.
ME: Fuckin ay.
ME: Do you mean shortcuts like so I can complete a task faster? No. Or do you mean shortcuts as in cheating so I can actually accomplish my task because otherwise I wouldn't be able to? 100% yes.
THERAPIST: Interesting.
ME: Fuckin ay.
November 24, 2025 at 3:07 AM
THERAPIST: Would you say you like taking shortcuts with tasks?
ME: Do you mean shortcuts like so I can complete a task faster? No. Or do you mean shortcuts as in cheating so I can actually accomplish my task because otherwise I wouldn't be able to? 100% yes.
THERAPIST: Interesting.
ME: Fuckin ay.
ME: Do you mean shortcuts like so I can complete a task faster? No. Or do you mean shortcuts as in cheating so I can actually accomplish my task because otherwise I wouldn't be able to? 100% yes.
THERAPIST: Interesting.
ME: Fuckin ay.
Feel like the Cowboys are gonna throttle KC on Thursday. Thankfully, I’ll have died of a stuffing-induced heart attack by halftime. Yeah I said thankfully. It’s Thanksgiving. GET IT? You probably didn’t. You’re welcome all the same. Jesus Christ I’m so fucking talented and it’s totally wasted here.
November 24, 2025 at 3:02 AM
Feel like the Cowboys are gonna throttle KC on Thursday. Thankfully, I’ll have died of a stuffing-induced heart attack by halftime. Yeah I said thankfully. It’s Thanksgiving. GET IT? You probably didn’t. You’re welcome all the same. Jesus Christ I’m so fucking talented and it’s totally wasted here.
After watching so many murder docs about cruise ship disappearances, I'm only asking two questions if anybody asked me to go on one.
1. *to self* Okay does this person want to murder me?
2. *out loud* Are you fuckin kidding me?
1. *to self* Okay does this person want to murder me?
2. *out loud* Are you fuckin kidding me?
November 23, 2025 at 11:55 PM
After watching so many murder docs about cruise ship disappearances, I'm only asking two questions if anybody asked me to go on one.
1. *to self* Okay does this person want to murder me?
2. *out loud* Are you fuckin kidding me?
1. *to self* Okay does this person want to murder me?
2. *out loud* Are you fuckin kidding me?
I will now celebrate the day's improbable victory with the evening's inevitable beverages.
November 23, 2025 at 11:38 PM
I will now celebrate the day's improbable victory with the evening's inevitable beverages.
Reposted by smugdingus
Marjorie Taylor Greene came into Congress in 2021 worth about $700,000. She leaves five years later worth around $25,000,000. 😳 Congress is just a giant insider-trading scheme.
November 23, 2025 at 7:07 PM
Marjorie Taylor Greene came into Congress in 2021 worth about $700,000. She leaves five years later worth around $25,000,000. 😳 Congress is just a giant insider-trading scheme.