Matt Olson
@metalson.bsky.social
Freelance marine biologist, stoner doom zealot, annoying fuck. Parody account, not the real @metalson
Pinned
Matt Olson
@metalson.bsky.social
· Sep 17
I hope whoever ends up murdering me isn’t very attractive.
If you describe your first round of cannonball volleys against me as your “opening salvo”, fuck you.
December 22, 2025 at 5:06 AM
If you describe your first round of cannonball volleys against me as your “opening salvo”, fuck you.
28 Years Later (2025) Directed by Danny Boyle
December 19, 2025 at 11:29 PM
28 Years Later (2025) Directed by Danny Boyle
Posting a video of a kids in the hall sketch overlaid with a video of me snarkily commenting:
“Yeah, act completely insane towards strangers on the street, pretending to squish their heads even though all you’re doing is pinching your fingers in front of your face. Good job, you fucking genius.”
“Yeah, act completely insane towards strangers on the street, pretending to squish their heads even though all you’re doing is pinching your fingers in front of your face. Good job, you fucking genius.”
December 19, 2025 at 8:34 PM
Posting a video of a kids in the hall sketch overlaid with a video of me snarkily commenting:
“Yeah, act completely insane towards strangers on the street, pretending to squish their heads even though all you’re doing is pinching your fingers in front of your face. Good job, you fucking genius.”
“Yeah, act completely insane towards strangers on the street, pretending to squish their heads even though all you’re doing is pinching your fingers in front of your face. Good job, you fucking genius.”
Imagine if there was a page dedicated to being written on with a pencil or pen.
December 18, 2025 at 8:37 PM
Imagine if there was a page dedicated to being written on with a pencil or pen.
Spiral Architect by Black Sabbath is a Christmas carol.
December 18, 2025 at 7:46 PM
Spiral Architect by Black Sabbath is a Christmas carol.
People probably get dogpiled by Newsom fans on this app all the time without ever noticing, because the newsies all block them while doing it.
December 18, 2025 at 6:33 AM
People probably get dogpiled by Newsom fans on this app all the time without ever noticing, because the newsies all block them while doing it.
But doctor, I am the push that makes you move!
December 17, 2025 at 11:34 PM
But doctor, I am the push that makes you move!
Nick, you are about to see a horrible, horrible thing.
What’s that, Murray?
People going to post.
What’s that, Murray?
People going to post.
December 17, 2025 at 10:06 PM
Nick, you are about to see a horrible, horrible thing.
What’s that, Murray?
People going to post.
What’s that, Murray?
People going to post.
Um, it’s actually against my religion to be bound by laws and capital.
December 15, 2025 at 11:31 PM
Um, it’s actually against my religion to be bound by laws and capital.
I’m always asking myself: What would Riley Gale from Power Trip do? It’s my internal compass.
Unfortunately, in most situations I don’t have enough info to answer that question. But when there’s a mic stand in front of me and I’m debating whether to pick it up and pretend I’m about to throw it…
Unfortunately, in most situations I don’t have enough info to answer that question. But when there’s a mic stand in front of me and I’m debating whether to pick it up and pretend I’m about to throw it…
December 12, 2025 at 9:36 PM
I’m always asking myself: What would Riley Gale from Power Trip do? It’s my internal compass.
Unfortunately, in most situations I don’t have enough info to answer that question. But when there’s a mic stand in front of me and I’m debating whether to pick it up and pretend I’m about to throw it…
Unfortunately, in most situations I don’t have enough info to answer that question. But when there’s a mic stand in front of me and I’m debating whether to pick it up and pretend I’m about to throw it…
Minerva by Deftones is a Christmas carol.
December 9, 2025 at 8:07 PM
Minerva by Deftones is a Christmas carol.
Skipping to the end of an Alan Watts lecture and just listening to the last sentence 🙌
December 8, 2025 at 6:57 PM
Skipping to the end of an Alan Watts lecture and just listening to the last sentence 🙌
Stay strong! Don’t fuck around with the tedious chore of changing your clocks, just keep remembering it’s an hour ahead, you got this! Only 3 months to go!
December 4, 2025 at 8:22 PM
Stay strong! Don’t fuck around with the tedious chore of changing your clocks, just keep remembering it’s an hour ahead, you got this! Only 3 months to go!
Reposted by Matt Olson
Here’s my Spotify Wrapped 🎵✨
December 3, 2025 at 4:51 PM
Here’s my Spotify Wrapped 🎵✨
They should make it so you can get out of prison early if you can solve a series of puzzles.
December 3, 2025 at 10:45 PM
They should make it so you can get out of prison early if you can solve a series of puzzles.
Never tell me “I’m just being honest”. It’s my default assumption that you’re being honest. Let me know if you’re lying.
December 3, 2025 at 8:17 PM
Never tell me “I’m just being honest”. It’s my default assumption that you’re being honest. Let me know if you’re lying.
My most 12 year old opinion is traffic would not exist if everyone just agreed to drive faster.
December 1, 2025 at 1:30 AM
My most 12 year old opinion is traffic would not exist if everyone just agreed to drive faster.
There is a national conspiracy that has been going on for decades to fabricate the existence of Iwona B Horyn, for some unknown nefarious purpose. She’s not real. The more evidence you show me of her existence, that’s just more proof of how deep this cover-up goes.
November 26, 2025 at 7:37 AM
There is a national conspiracy that has been going on for decades to fabricate the existence of Iwona B Horyn, for some unknown nefarious purpose. She’s not real. The more evidence you show me of her existence, that’s just more proof of how deep this cover-up goes.
All the resources and top scientific minds have spent the last 5 years desperately trying to build AM but all they can come up with is a chatbot that tells you to kill yourself.
November 25, 2025 at 2:57 AM
All the resources and top scientific minds have spent the last 5 years desperately trying to build AM but all they can come up with is a chatbot that tells you to kill yourself.
Bubbles from Trailerpark Boys voice:
John W. Cre-e-easy!
John W. Cre-e-easy!
November 24, 2025 at 11:31 PM
Bubbles from Trailerpark Boys voice:
John W. Cre-e-easy!
John W. Cre-e-easy!
I’m not worried, even if it’s a meme format I don’t like. I got this:
November 24, 2025 at 9:38 PM
I’m not worried, even if it’s a meme format I don’t like. I got this:
Reposted by Matt Olson
I think it’s highly problematic that “The Chair Company” is encouraging young impressionable viewers to engage in retail development.
November 19, 2025 at 10:49 PM
I think it’s highly problematic that “The Chair Company” is encouraging young impressionable viewers to engage in retail development.
It’s always so embarrassing when you make a joke and someone responds by saying “well played”.
November 18, 2025 at 9:37 PM
It’s always so embarrassing when you make a joke and someone responds by saying “well played”.
They’re making Bluesky replies over on threads now, this place is cooked.
November 14, 2025 at 7:24 PM
They’re making Bluesky replies over on threads now, this place is cooked.