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metalson.bsky.social
Matt Olson
@metalson.bsky.social
440 followers 250 following 3.4K posts
LA based sketch comedy heretic, doom metal zealot and self-taught freelance marine biologist. Parody account, not the real @Metalson.bsky.social. he/him🖕
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metalson.bsky.social
Matt Olson @metalson.bsky.social · 28d
I hope whoever ends up murdering me isn’t very attractive.
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metalson.bsky.social
Matt Olson @metalson.bsky.social · 1h
You’ve come up with a perfect Jim Carey Mad TV character.
metalson.bsky.social
Matt Olson @metalson.bsky.social · 2h
Beautiful gargs
metalson.bsky.social
Matt Olson @metalson.bsky.social · 4h
I don’t think it really matters which microblog site you use they’re all basically the same.
metalson.bsky.social
Matt Olson @metalson.bsky.social · 4h
From his perspective everything he’s doing is working because donors continue to support him, and what other measure of success could there possibly be?
metalson.bsky.social
Matt Olson @metalson.bsky.social · 6h
It would be crazy if all this came on the heels of the government saying you’re a terrorist if you oppose Hitler’s political ideology.
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metalson.bsky.social
Matt Olson @metalson.bsky.social · 6h
Character in a self-tape that did not get me a callback from UCB:

(Dracula voice) “Ahhh, Boo-Boo! I vant to steal a pic-a-nic basket! Aaah aaah aaah!”
metalson.bsky.social
Matt Olson @metalson.bsky.social · 8h
Turns out genocide is not popular with the democratic base.
metalson.bsky.social
Matt Olson @metalson.bsky.social · 8h
The only marketing I saw about this movie was some kind of Tesla cross promotion. I knew nothing about it aside from that it was the Tesla movie, which presumably was the main thing the studio wanted me to know about it.
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metalson.bsky.social
Matt Olson @metalson.bsky.social · 9h
Replacing the Democratic Party with a party that doesn’t actually want federal agents disappearing people for having the wrong skin color would be a necessary first step.
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metalson.bsky.social
Matt Olson @metalson.bsky.social · 9h
UNMASKED federal agents kidnapping your neighbors off the street and taking them to death camps is the extent of what democrats are offering you, policy-wise.
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metalson.bsky.social
Matt Olson @metalson.bsky.social · 9h
I’m only staying on Bluesky until they bring Boxedthoughts back.
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metalson.bsky.social
Matt Olson @metalson.bsky.social · 10h
Yeah, we’ve all encountered conservatives before.
metalson.bsky.social
Matt Olson @metalson.bsky.social · 11h
Yes people will still get death threats for saying Witchcult Today is as good as Dopethrone, but we all know most of those threats won’t be followed through on.
metalson.bsky.social
Matt Olson @metalson.bsky.social · 11h
They should add a restriction that applies to all accounts where you can only post about Electric Wizard. Only Electric Wizard posts allowed! I know a lot of you don’t have anything to say about them, but I think this is the only way to heal us.
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metalson.bsky.social
Matt Olson @metalson.bsky.social · 22h
Intelligence and experience aren’t positive assets when they belong to a bad person who aims to do bad things.
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metalson.bsky.social
Matt Olson @metalson.bsky.social · 23h
I’ll believe it when I see it. There is no kind of person less capable of being honest than a billionaire who is about to run for President.
metalson.bsky.social
Matt Olson @metalson.bsky.social · 23h
Oh jeezus they’re protesting us by doing exactly what they would be doing anyway 🫣
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metalson.bsky.social
Matt Olson @metalson.bsky.social · 23h
People just like to hate on that calf cause they’re jealous.
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metalson.bsky.social
Matt Olson @metalson.bsky.social · 1d
(I cheated, I looked up the answer)
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metalson.bsky.social
Matt Olson @metalson.bsky.social · 1d
She’s nine.

Her father is a liar.

He is not her biological father.

She was stolen as an infant.

Her biological mother’s age is the father’s age plus the daughter’s age. (The real father not the kidnapper.)

The real father and the kidnapper were roommates in college.

They experimented.
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metalson.bsky.social
Matt Olson @metalson.bsky.social · 1d
I mean, “Scientific” sounds perfectly fine, but the word “American” being in there should’ve been a huge red flag.
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metalson.bsky.social
Matt Olson @metalson.bsky.social · 1d
“Copyright growing pains” such as, the underlying concept of intellectual property.
metalson.bsky.social
Matt Olson @metalson.bsky.social · 1d
🤠
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metalson.bsky.social
Matt Olson @metalson.bsky.social · 1d
Wait so the agriculture commissioner developed his own screwworm bait that he’s forcing on the state even though it doesn’t work, is it like, trademarked by him? Is there a profit motive?
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metalson.bsky.social
Matt Olson @metalson.bsky.social · 1d
His hell is more MC Esher than Hieronymus Bosch.
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