General Bonkers!

theonion.com/affluent-whi...

Mmm so leathery and dry

theonion.com/late-working...

based on my profile pic, you might be surprised by my answer but it's this

Gotta stop peeling your bananas

We can make fun of the Brits for not seasoning their food but the difference in meat quality between here and there is very noticeable

I actually feel bad for laughing

Lots of sadists working in grade schools unfortunately

He always gets a lil bit but today it’s not enough

He had 3 bites!

PRESIDENT’S PHYSICIAN: He’ll probably be out cold for a while; this last episode of diarrhea was quite painful for him.
STEPHEN MILLER: Hm. Is there any chance we can get him to say something incredibly racist at 3pm?
PHYSICIAN: (pulling out a syringe filled w/ liquid Adderall) I love what I do.

I just barely know what a prediction market is and yes, we’re gonna need a bigger reeducation camp

Who does Tarantino think he is? Has he ever watched himself on screen?

She’s playing with fire, the girls that work at that Burger King will beat the breaks off her. Unless it’s changed since I left home

Aw poor thing. All the sweet booze concoctions are probably irresistible to a raccoon

This idea was inspired by some freaks trying to figure out how to get some kids fired from their job at Burger King

Ftr I’m not being misogynistic, bitch is gender neutral

I think they’re cute