Drakyn this corpse all over town
@drakyn.bsky.social
Union Carpenter. Local Landmark. Stories about me are probably true but I tell them better.
3 y.o.: WINNIE DA POOH!
Me: Actually, that's the Haribo bear
3 y.o.: WHY NOT!?
Me: Well, unlike Haribo bear, Winnie doesn't have pierced nipples
Me: Actually, that's the Haribo bear
3 y.o.: WHY NOT!?
Me: Well, unlike Haribo bear, Winnie doesn't have pierced nipples
November 27, 2025 at 9:51 PM
3 y.o.: WINNIE DA POOH!
Me: Actually, that's the Haribo bear
3 y.o.: WHY NOT!?
Me: Well, unlike Haribo bear, Winnie doesn't have pierced nipples
Me: Actually, that's the Haribo bear
3 y.o.: WHY NOT!?
Me: Well, unlike Haribo bear, Winnie doesn't have pierced nipples
Every generation re-invents Elvis from first principles
November 27, 2025 at 8:23 PM
Every generation re-invents Elvis from first principles
I should be cooking but the toddler wants to give me a ballerina bun so what're ya gonna do?
November 27, 2025 at 3:27 PM
I should be cooking but the toddler wants to give me a ballerina bun so what're ya gonna do?
Reposted by Drakyn this corpse all over town
White House Reclassifies Nursing As Hobby https://theonion.com/white-house-reclassifies-nursing-as-hobby/
November 24, 2025 at 11:00 PM
White House Reclassifies Nursing As Hobby https://theonion.com/white-house-reclassifies-nursing-as-hobby/
Once, during a nervous breakdown I foiled a bank robbery by manically laughing uncontrollably and pointing wildly at the masked robber until he panicked and ran away before he got through the ATM lobby so I'm just saying maybe therapy is overrated
November 21, 2025 at 9:07 PM
Once, during a nervous breakdown I foiled a bank robbery by manically laughing uncontrollably and pointing wildly at the masked robber until he panicked and ran away before he got through the ATM lobby so I'm just saying maybe therapy is overrated
*My wife squinting at the blurry menu in the background of our favorite restaurant's social media posts*
Wife: I think when they re-open they're going have.... "Bicalla Toast?"
Me: You know they have an actual website, right?
Wife: I think when they re-open they're going have.... "Bicalla Toast?"
Me: You know they have an actual website, right?
November 17, 2025 at 11:26 PM
*My wife squinting at the blurry menu in the background of our favorite restaurant's social media posts*
Wife: I think when they re-open they're going have.... "Bicalla Toast?"
Me: You know they have an actual website, right?
Wife: I think when they re-open they're going have.... "Bicalla Toast?"
Me: You know they have an actual website, right?
One of the best Guy Fawkes' Days that I can remember
November 5, 2025 at 8:32 PM
One of the best Guy Fawkes' Days that I can remember
Reposted by Drakyn this corpse all over town
No matter how hard people try to convince us having empathy is wrong,
it is right.
No matter how hard people try to convince us that diversity is a weakness,
it is a strength.
No matter how hard people try to convince us that love is limited,
it is unlimited.
it is right.
No matter how hard people try to convince us that diversity is a weakness,
it is a strength.
No matter how hard people try to convince us that love is limited,
it is unlimited.
November 4, 2025 at 2:55 AM
No matter how hard people try to convince us having empathy is wrong,
it is right.
No matter how hard people try to convince us that diversity is a weakness,
it is a strength.
No matter how hard people try to convince us that love is limited,
it is unlimited.
it is right.
No matter how hard people try to convince us that diversity is a weakness,
it is a strength.
No matter how hard people try to convince us that love is limited,
it is unlimited.
Finally working on a crew where the day after election day won't get me fired*
*because foreman won't admit he's deaf and will interpret my wild gesticulations as enthusiasm for our local sports teams
*because foreman won't admit he's deaf and will interpret my wild gesticulations as enthusiasm for our local sports teams
November 5, 2025 at 3:06 AM
Finally working on a crew where the day after election day won't get me fired*
*because foreman won't admit he's deaf and will interpret my wild gesticulations as enthusiasm for our local sports teams
*because foreman won't admit he's deaf and will interpret my wild gesticulations as enthusiasm for our local sports teams
Bangs are the Moustache of the Forehead
October 30, 2025 at 11:51 PM
Bangs are the Moustache of the Forehead
I decided I really don't care if this job lays me off or not so naturally they put me in charge of everything.
October 29, 2025 at 9:36 PM
I decided I really don't care if this job lays me off or not so naturally they put me in charge of everything.
Brought my toddler to watch the game so she can learn how to spell E-A-G-L-E-S EAGLES!
October 26, 2025 at 6:32 PM
Brought my toddler to watch the game so she can learn how to spell E-A-G-L-E-S EAGLES!
I gathered all the kids in the campground for impromptu trick or treating and have been made an enemy of so many parents.
Too bad. Good luck getting past my army of tiny terrors who would die for me(or anyone else with candy)
Too bad. Good luck getting past my army of tiny terrors who would die for me(or anyone else with candy)
October 19, 2025 at 4:21 PM
I gathered all the kids in the campground for impromptu trick or treating and have been made an enemy of so many parents.
Too bad. Good luck getting past my army of tiny terrors who would die for me(or anyone else with candy)
Too bad. Good luck getting past my army of tiny terrors who would die for me(or anyone else with candy)
Once the steroids and adrenaline wear off and they suddenly realize they might face consequences one day a LOT of ICE/militia guys will convince each other to kill themselves before "the mob" can get them
The sad thing is a lot of them will take their families out with them
The sad thing is a lot of them will take their families out with them
October 12, 2025 at 3:52 PM
Once the steroids and adrenaline wear off and they suddenly realize they might face consequences one day a LOT of ICE/militia guys will convince each other to kill themselves before "the mob" can get them
The sad thing is a lot of them will take their families out with them
The sad thing is a lot of them will take their families out with them
Foreman won't admit he's deaf. He vanished so we called him just as he was walking back in. He made up a whole fake conversation unaware he was talking to us as he was looking at us
Unreal
Unreal
October 6, 2025 at 9:32 PM
Foreman won't admit he's deaf. He vanished so we called him just as he was walking back in. He made up a whole fake conversation unaware he was talking to us as he was looking at us
Unreal
Unreal
My bio-mom has a travel puzzle board in her car.
Can you imagine being stuck in traffic, looking over to the car in the next lane and there's a lady casually doing a jigsaw puzzle? I would immediately sell my car
Can you imagine being stuck in traffic, looking over to the car in the next lane and there's a lady casually doing a jigsaw puzzle? I would immediately sell my car
October 5, 2025 at 6:46 PM
My bio-mom has a travel puzzle board in her car.
Can you imagine being stuck in traffic, looking over to the car in the next lane and there's a lady casually doing a jigsaw puzzle? I would immediately sell my car
Can you imagine being stuck in traffic, looking over to the car in the next lane and there's a lady casually doing a jigsaw puzzle? I would immediately sell my car
Reposted by Drakyn this corpse all over town
greta ily what an outfit
October 4, 2025 at 12:58 PM
greta ily what an outfit
I get to go camping next week with my kid, the in-laws, and my bio-fam. I am vibrating out of my skin with excitement
October 5, 2025 at 9:14 AM
I get to go camping next week with my kid, the in-laws, and my bio-fam. I am vibrating out of my skin with excitement
I know one way to find out, and that's asking a Lot
Post: Damn, salt really does make everything better 😂
Reply: Really. What about the death of a loved one
Reply: Really. What about the death of a loved one
October 5, 2025 at 12:47 AM
I know one way to find out, and that's asking a Lot
Did you hear donald trump died? No? Damn.... I'll check again tomorrow
October 4, 2025 at 10:12 PM
Did you hear donald trump died? No? Damn.... I'll check again tomorrow
New dad friend told me his kid LOVES Edward Scissorhands and I was just "That can't be good for 3 year olds" but we're halfway through and talking about kindness and how "nice-acting" people can be mean and I do not think she's noticed he has freaking knives for hands
September 27, 2025 at 9:51 PM
New dad friend told me his kid LOVES Edward Scissorhands and I was just "That can't be good for 3 year olds" but we're halfway through and talking about kindness and how "nice-acting" people can be mean and I do not think she's noticed he has freaking knives for hands
I forgot that my friends now have grown-up money without ever having grown up and I might have led one of them into buying a life-size dinosaur statue
September 26, 2025 at 3:04 AM
I forgot that my friends now have grown-up money without ever having grown up and I might have led one of them into buying a life-size dinosaur statue
I KNEW the Eagles would pull off that ridiculous shit but it was still incredible to watch
September 21, 2025 at 8:11 PM
I KNEW the Eagles would pull off that ridiculous shit but it was still incredible to watch
Flu shot: woke up past noon for the first time in years. Family is at the tractor show. Ambled down to the bar for the Eagles game. Wife brings kid there for lunch and I chase her around the canal for an hour.
Aside from the game a pretty perfect Sunday afternoon
Aside from the game a pretty perfect Sunday afternoon
September 21, 2025 at 7:05 PM
Flu shot: woke up past noon for the first time in years. Family is at the tractor show. Ambled down to the bar for the Eagles game. Wife brings kid there for lunch and I chase her around the canal for an hour.
Aside from the game a pretty perfect Sunday afternoon
Aside from the game a pretty perfect Sunday afternoon
Got the covid, flu, and TDAP shot yesterday. So after taking my kid to the harvest festival today I spent the afternoon watching all the anime on Criterion. Highly recommend...
....Fuck my arms hurt
....Fuck my arms hurt
September 21, 2025 at 2:40 AM
Got the covid, flu, and TDAP shot yesterday. So after taking my kid to the harvest festival today I spent the afternoon watching all the anime on Criterion. Highly recommend...
....Fuck my arms hurt
....Fuck my arms hurt