Doug Hand Turkey
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dougmakingstuff.com
Doug Hand Turkey
@dougmakingstuff.com
610 followers 560 following 3.8K posts
Full-stack developer living in Portland. Avid reader, coffee drinker, Pikmin wrangler. I watch a lot of MST3K and Columbo
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dougmakingstuff.com
Continuing with the #MST3K shorts-a-thon: "Are You Ready for Marriage?"

"It's Bobby Orr's Electric Marriage! Real marriage action!"
A dullard and his girlfriend visit a marriage counselor after they want to get married at 18 and 19. The counselor brings out this contraption to show how far apart mentally they are through the phases of their life. Two dolls (one male, one female) are placed on a board at the base. To their left, the Y axis is measured in ten-year increments, starting at 0 and ending at 80. Attached to the two dolls are pieces of string, with larger versions of the dolls at the end. The path of the string indicates how far they are apart over time along the X axis. I'm sure it makes sense to him.
November 17, 2025 at 5:26 AM
dougmakingstuff.com
Oh, and get a good wire rack!

From the #MST3K short "Speech: Using Your Voice"
Tom Servo, Joel, and Crow watch as they learn that their speech must be: Heard Understood Pleasing Those three words are on placards on a rack of the desk of E.C. Buehler, who wants us to be better at speaking.
November 17, 2025 at 4:49 AM
dougmakingstuff.com
If you see this, post a #StarTrek
Panel of the Star Trek comic, featuring Lt Naraht, a Horta whose mother is the creature from "Devil in the Dark" and a friend of Admiral Kirk. Naraht, a Horta, is seated in a starship's command position, a special vocoder on his torso communicates to the crew. Elsewhere on the bridge, two officers crew the helm, navigation, and science stations. I swear there's one of him covered in cats, but I don't recall where my collected editions are at the moment.
November 12, 2025 at 10:42 PM
dougmakingstuff.com
A possible mockup:
In the style of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles logo: A red polygon with white lettering reads: "Nuremberg Trials: The" Below that, in green block letters roughly resembling a turtle shell: "MODERATE POSITION"
November 12, 2025 at 6:50 PM
dougmakingstuff.com
I'm not even smiling.
Right after the glorious entry of Field Marshal Zhukov (played by Jason Isaacs), he confronts Khrushchev and Beria about why the NKVD are in charge of the train stations and not his troops. Zhukov is wearing an entire chest full of medals on a navy uniform with golden epaulets. (Actually far fewer than the real Zhukov wore.) Caption reads: "I mean, I'm smiling, but I am very fucking furious."
November 10, 2025 at 3:58 AM
dougmakingstuff.com
OK one more and then maybe I should think about dinner.
Sign in the classic Mamdani for New York font. On a blue background, yellow letters with an orange drop-shadow spell out the first part. The second line is entirely yellow in mixed case, without a drop-shadow. Reads THE POISON for KUZCO. THE POISON CHOSEN ESPECIALLY TO KILL KUZCO. KUZCO'S POISON.
November 9, 2025 at 2:21 AM
dougmakingstuff.com
You're correct, this is handy!
Sign in the classic Mamdani for New York font. On a blue background, yellow letters with an orange drop-shadow spell out the first part. The second line is entirely yellow in mixed case, without a drop-shadow. Reads THE HAGUE for ELON and TRUMP
November 9, 2025 at 2:06 AM
dougmakingstuff.com
Real Alliance of Magicians energy here
GOB from Arrested Development and the Alliance of Magicians, who demand to be taken seriously. One is dressed in an opera cape, another in a full-on Merlin outfit. Not a single dove in sight, though. I dunno what you expected...
November 5, 2025 at 8:11 PM
dougmakingstuff.com
Jet Jaguar approves this message!
Jet Jaguar, the robot from GODZILLA VS MEGALON, smiles against a blue sky backgrop as he contemplates an all-Godzilla marathon.
November 3, 2025 at 11:41 PM
dougmakingstuff.com
I never drank coffee much when I lived in the Midwest, combination of mediocre coffee and a Diet Coke obsession.

Then I moved to Portland, forecasts like this made me finally get it.
Portland forecast for the next ten days Rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, clouds, clouds, rain, rain, rain… Highest temp is 61, there is a low in the 40s for Saturday night. And it’s raining now as well. So now I got that to worry about.
November 3, 2025 at 10:09 PM
dougmakingstuff.com
Fantastic as always. Also you couldn’t have had nicer weather.
All-you-can-eat sausage and sauerkraut, plus salad, applesauce, mashed potatoes, green beans, roll, coffee, and pie. Looking westward across the fields, I wanna come back and try to paint all of this.
November 1, 2025 at 11:38 PM
dougmakingstuff.com
As is the fall tradition, it is time for all the sausage and sauerkraut I can eat. Gotta get that protein so I don’t leave gains on the table! #VerboortSausageFestival
Ticket for the Verboort Sausage Festival, always the first Saturday in November! Not pictured: the field of mud where we parked, glad my friend has all-wheel drive.
November 1, 2025 at 9:28 PM
dougmakingstuff.com
Looking for a chest freezer for the basement (for reasons) and I have come across one of the most American charts I think I've ever seen. How much of a cow CAN I stuff into this thing?
Guide from Lowe's about how much can fit into various freezers, with a helpful column listing "pounds of beef" one can fit in, with a silhouette of a cow shaded in from the smallest (1/16) to the largest (whole). Apparently how much of a single cow's... um... output you can fit in it. Though with the price of beef going through the fucking roof, they might want to consider an alternative measurement unit.
October 31, 2025 at 8:50 PM
dougmakingstuff.com
Nobody likes this guy, and yet the news stories all read like the planted question Lisa has to read to Mr Burns.
Lisa Simpson reads a prepared question to Mr Burns, who is visiting her home. "Mr Burns, your campaign seems to have 'the momentum of a runaway freight train.' Why are you so popular?"
October 28, 2025 at 8:00 PM
dougmakingstuff.com
From Police Squad, a title card. text is on top of a background shot of a police station: tonight's episode: THE WRITER'S BARELY-DISGUISED FETISH
October 28, 2025 at 5:57 PM
dougmakingstuff.com
Screenshot from Fallout 4, reading [Everyone disliked that.]
October 21, 2025 at 11:37 PM
dougmakingstuff.com
My favorite signs from Portland’s #NoKings march that I remembered to snap photos of:
Protest sign reading: They’re eating the CHECKS They’re eating the BALANCES Three people in T-Rex costumes holding signs. T-Rex? YES Tyrrany NO And TYRRANY NO T-REX YES Dinos for Democracy An inflatable penguin holds a sign reading “Things are so bad, even the introverts are here.” Next to them, an inflatable shark holds a sign that “Hate will not make us great”
October 19, 2025 at 12:06 AM
dougmakingstuff.com
The very first Hong Kong film I ever saw was THE LEGEND OF FONG SAI YUK (later US editions shorten the title to THE LEGEND) and it made me a Jet Li fan for life.

I've seen many HK films since—this one has a special significance because it launched my quest to find more awesome films like this one.
Cover of the UltraHD version of The Legend of Fong Sai Yuk, featuring Jet Li wearing black and white and performing the character's signature pose. Each of the cast members appear below in various stances and the villain is in the background, glaring at Fong Sai Yuk. See this film, the battle where neither fighter can touch the ground is amazing.
October 17, 2025 at 7:52 PM
dougmakingstuff.com
If you want your coffee to taste like transphobia, Coffeemate has you covered!

OMG please stop buying this crap and read a different series. For example, there are 41 Discworld novels! You'll be busy for weeks and Granny Weatherwax has some life lessons you need to hear. Plus Gaspode!
Coffee-Mate ad on Reddit for Harry-Potter-inspired coffee flavors. Comes in the form of a fake newspaper. The two flavors they promote: White Chocolate Pepperming Toad and Toffee Cauldron Cake. I am begging people to read any other series. My gods, make it stop.
October 5, 2025 at 5:06 AM
dougmakingstuff.com
As Troy McClure said in the Simpsons 138th Episode Spectacular....

"Who knows what adventures they'll have between now and the time the show becomes unprofitable?"
Hi, I'm Troy McClure, you may remember me from such specials as "Alien Nose Job" and "Five Fabulous Weeks of the Chevy Chase Show." He stands on the staircase of the Simpsons' house, with portraits of them as they originally appeared on the Tracy Ullman show and then in season 7. "Who knows what adventures they'll have between now and the time the show becomes unprofitable?"
September 30, 2025 at 2:33 AM
dougmakingstuff.com
OK well at least the kitchen smells like hot sauce. This won’t break any records but it is tasty.
Retrieved the blender from its exile to make a mostly-green hot sauce with some stuff from our CSA.
September 21, 2025 at 11:40 PM
dougmakingstuff.com
Movie Madness is a Portland treasure—video store, tiny theater, and movie memorabilia collection.

They just unveiled their latest acquisition, a sign from #BigTroubleInLittleChina. Gonna take crackerjack timing, Wang.
One of the key settings for Big Trouble in Little China is the Dragon of the Black Pool restaurant. Movie Madness has acquired the neon sign from the set, advertising Cantonese cuisine.
September 11, 2025 at 1:42 AM
dougmakingstuff.com
Much Ado About Nothing is so much fun and Denzel is at peak handsome
Actors in the Kenneth Branagh film adaptation of Much Ado About Nothing. Denzel is particularly handsome in this one.
September 4, 2025 at 8:12 PM
dougmakingstuff.com
I call it... Hot Ham Water
September 4, 2025 at 6:48 PM
dougmakingstuff.com
Celebrating the inclusion of .gifs by uploading Dueling Twains: one of my favorite bits from #LowerDecks.
September 3, 2025 at 11:52 PM