bryan (Christmas Version 🎄)
@bryan.town
retired sock model | my rat name is “patty cake”
he/him
🏳️🌈 🏳️⚧️
he/him
🏳️🌈 🏳️⚧️
ever since I was a little boy I wanted to check a box to receive email updates about new products and sales
November 29, 2025 at 7:26 PM
ever since I was a little boy I wanted to check a box to receive email updates about new products and sales
babe is everything okay? you’ve barely touched that massive steam library full of unplayed games you keep buying on sale
November 29, 2025 at 7:17 PM
babe is everything okay? you’ve barely touched that massive steam library full of unplayed games you keep buying on sale
in the bible, “fish and bread” is a mistranslation in the parable where jesus fed the crowd. he actually fed them air-fried fish sticks
November 29, 2025 at 2:38 AM
in the bible, “fish and bread” is a mistranslation in the parable where jesus fed the crowd. he actually fed them air-fried fish sticks
[sneezing uncontrollably at the squat rack]
why does god give me his hardest battles
why does god give me his hardest battles
November 29, 2025 at 2:20 AM
[sneezing uncontrollably at the squat rack]
why does god give me his hardest battles
why does god give me his hardest battles
my strongest fashion opinion is that stiletto heels should be made with real stilettos
November 28, 2025 at 6:08 PM
my strongest fashion opinion is that stiletto heels should be made with real stilettos
it seems like wolverine would have a moral imperative to donate as many kidneys as he could
November 28, 2025 at 2:25 PM
it seems like wolverine would have a moral imperative to donate as many kidneys as he could
this thanksgiving we have so much to be thankful for
🇺🇸RONALD REAGAN FUN FACT🇺🇸
he’s still dead :)
he’s still dead :)
November 28, 2025 at 2:15 AM
this thanksgiving we have so much to be thankful for
Reposted by bryan (Christmas Version 🎄)
COOKING TIP: plastic wrap can sense fear, make sure your head is calm and your heart is pure when you go to wrap things up
November 27, 2025 at 8:14 PM
COOKING TIP: plastic wrap can sense fear, make sure your head is calm and your heart is pure when you go to wrap things up
Reposted by bryan (Christmas Version 🎄)
why does aquarium gravel look like that if i’m not supposed to eat it
October 27, 2025 at 4:27 PM
why does aquarium gravel look like that if i’m not supposed to eat it
COOKING TIP: plastic wrap can sense fear, make sure your head is calm and your heart is pure when you go to wrap things up
November 27, 2025 at 8:14 PM
COOKING TIP: plastic wrap can sense fear, make sure your head is calm and your heart is pure when you go to wrap things up
Reposted by bryan (Christmas Version 🎄)
My smoke alarm thinks it’s quite the highbrow food critic
November 27, 2025 at 5:26 PM
My smoke alarm thinks it’s quite the highbrow food critic
COOKING TIP: mix your apple pie filling ahead of time so it has time to get nice and juicy. add a splash of lemon juice to it for a more intense apple flavor
November 27, 2025 at 4:38 PM
COOKING TIP: mix your apple pie filling ahead of time so it has time to get nice and juicy. add a splash of lemon juice to it for a more intense apple flavor
COOKING TIP: if you’re making pumpkin pie from the recipe on the can, double the spices it calls for and add 1/4 - 1/2 tsp nutmeg
November 27, 2025 at 4:35 PM
COOKING TIP: if you’re making pumpkin pie from the recipe on the can, double the spices it calls for and add 1/4 - 1/2 tsp nutmeg
COOKING TIP: you can make your own evaporated milk substitute by gently simmering regular milk in a sauce pan until it reduces 60%
November 27, 2025 at 4:34 PM
COOKING TIP: you can make your own evaporated milk substitute by gently simmering regular milk in a sauce pan until it reduces 60%
Reposted by bryan (Christmas Version 🎄)
*julie andrews voice*
THE HILLS ARE ALIVE
WITH THE THANKS OF GIVING
THE HILLS ARE ALIVE
WITH THE THANKS OF GIVING
November 27, 2025 at 6:39 AM
*julie andrews voice*
THE HILLS ARE ALIVE
WITH THE THANKS OF GIVING
THE HILLS ARE ALIVE
WITH THE THANKS OF GIVING
swallowing my gummy vitamins like a pill just to feel something
November 27, 2025 at 3:54 PM
swallowing my gummy vitamins like a pill just to feel something
Reposted by bryan (Christmas Version 🎄)
“thanksgiving” actually stands for “tom hanks giving” most people don’t know that
November 26, 2025 at 4:09 PM
“thanksgiving” actually stands for “tom hanks giving” most people don’t know that
*julie andrews voice*
THE HILLS ARE ALIVE
WITH THE THANKS OF GIVING
THE HILLS ARE ALIVE
WITH THE THANKS OF GIVING
November 27, 2025 at 6:39 AM
*julie andrews voice*
THE HILLS ARE ALIVE
WITH THE THANKS OF GIVING
THE HILLS ARE ALIVE
WITH THE THANKS OF GIVING
“thanksgiving” actually stands for “tom hanks giving” most people don’t know that
November 26, 2025 at 4:09 PM
“thanksgiving” actually stands for “tom hanks giving” most people don’t know that
giving animals cooked food must be crazy for them, like they can see gross (to them) stuff go in the pan and then you magically transmute it into delicious food
November 26, 2025 at 2:43 PM
giving animals cooked food must be crazy for them, like they can see gross (to them) stuff go in the pan and then you magically transmute it into delicious food
cooking tip: add unpopped popcorn to your hamburger patties to give the person grilling them a fun surprise
November 26, 2025 at 2:42 PM
cooking tip: add unpopped popcorn to your hamburger patties to give the person grilling them a fun surprise
“organic natural flavor” is such a funny ingredient, it’s like “here we put some random chemicals in your food to make it taste good but don’t worry! they’re organic :)”
November 26, 2025 at 2:05 AM
“organic natural flavor” is such a funny ingredient, it’s like “here we put some random chemicals in your food to make it taste good but don’t worry! they’re organic :)”
Reposted by bryan (Christmas Version 🎄)
Date: I don’t believe in drugs
Me, super high: oh they’re out there
Me, super high: oh they’re out there
February 25, 2025 at 6:46 PM
Date: I don’t believe in drugs
Me, super high: oh they’re out there
Me, super high: oh they’re out there
just one more stellar find in tj maxx could fix me
November 25, 2025 at 9:08 PM
just one more stellar find in tj maxx could fix me