Andre the Viking
@andre-the-viking.bsky.social
I have joined this app to use it as a platform to apologise for the behaviour of my Viking ancestors towards the good people of Northumbria in 865AD.
Pinned
I built an electric fence around our house. My neighbour’s dead against it.
Reposted by Andre the Viking
Found your Wikipedia page
December 7, 2025 at 12:58 PM
Found your Wikipedia page
Last night my wife asked me if I fancied swinging. I said yes, only to spend a lonely evening in our local playground. I had a right go at her, when she got home this morning. Turns out she’d been round our neighbours all night. They don’t even have a swing! Just a run down trampoline.
December 3, 2025 at 10:28 AM
Last night my wife asked me if I fancied swinging. I said yes, only to spend a lonely evening in our local playground. I had a right go at her, when she got home this morning. Turns out she’d been round our neighbours all night. They don’t even have a swing! Just a run down trampoline.
Just caught up on the news about the UK budget leak and want to let my British chums know I empathise with you all x I’m sure your Government is doing their best for you at all times.
November 29, 2025 at 12:57 AM
Just caught up on the news about the UK budget leak and want to let my British chums know I empathise with you all x I’m sure your Government is doing their best for you at all times.
ChatGPT… show me Kim Jong Un as a robin redbreast.
November 28, 2025 at 10:50 PM
ChatGPT… show me Kim Jong Un as a robin redbreast.
I would like to take this moment to thank you, my disappointed followers, and give something back. As a bona fide Viking, here’s a trick to see what your Viking name would’ve been: simply add ‘the Viking’ to your username. For example; mine would be Andre the Viking the Viking. See you in Valhalla x
November 28, 2025 at 10:47 PM
I would like to take this moment to thank you, my disappointed followers, and give something back. As a bona fide Viking, here’s a trick to see what your Viking name would’ve been: simply add ‘the Viking’ to your username. For example; mine would be Andre the Viking the Viking. See you in Valhalla x
Really looking forward to tomorrow. Had a long couple of weeks recently so have planned a perfect day of relaxation and ‘me time’. I’m excited to tell my wife about my plans for a ‘perfect day’ and I will… once she’s finished writing that list she’s been working on for the last two hours.
November 28, 2025 at 10:42 PM
Really looking forward to tomorrow. Had a long couple of weeks recently so have planned a perfect day of relaxation and ‘me time’. I’m excited to tell my wife about my plans for a ‘perfect day’ and I will… once she’s finished writing that list she’s been working on for the last two hours.
‘We hope it’s chips, it’s chips.’
November 28, 2025 at 8:37 PM
‘We hope it’s chips, it’s chips.’
Reposted by Andre the Viking
Me, flirting
November 28, 2025 at 8:28 AM
Me, flirting
Reposted by Andre the Viking
I built an electric fence around our house. My neighbour’s dead against it.
May 4, 2025 at 11:34 AM
I built an electric fence around our house. My neighbour’s dead against it.
Einstein suffered from premature ejaculation and worked on the speed of light to prove to girls he wasn’t the fastest thing ever.
November 28, 2025 at 8:23 PM
Einstein suffered from premature ejaculation and worked on the speed of light to prove to girls he wasn’t the fastest thing ever.
I woke up feeling grumpy, this morning. The other six dwarves remained silent, chained up in the wardrobe.
November 28, 2025 at 8:22 PM
I woke up feeling grumpy, this morning. The other six dwarves remained silent, chained up in the wardrobe.
Reposted by Andre the Viking
you call it diarrhoea I call it
November 27, 2025 at 5:44 PM
you call it diarrhoea I call it
Reposted by Andre the Viking
I’ve opened my daughters’ advent calendar. I’m going to be in a lot of trouble. I should probably go and wake her now and tell her the truth about Father Christmas. It’ll help take the edge of the whole ‘chocolate’ thing, in the morning. Parenting is tough.
November 24, 2025 at 11:39 PM
I’ve opened my daughters’ advent calendar. I’m going to be in a lot of trouble. I should probably go and wake her now and tell her the truth about Father Christmas. It’ll help take the edge of the whole ‘chocolate’ thing, in the morning. Parenting is tough.
“I've seen things you people wouldn't believe.
Boarded replacement bus services, driven by a Ryan.
I watched vomit glitter in the dark… near Notting Hill Gate.
All those moments will be lost in time, like tears...in...rain. When I commute.”
#Bladecommuter
Boarded replacement bus services, driven by a Ryan.
I watched vomit glitter in the dark… near Notting Hill Gate.
All those moments will be lost in time, like tears...in...rain. When I commute.”
#Bladecommuter
November 18, 2025 at 8:59 PM
“I've seen things you people wouldn't believe.
Boarded replacement bus services, driven by a Ryan.
I watched vomit glitter in the dark… near Notting Hill Gate.
All those moments will be lost in time, like tears...in...rain. When I commute.”
#Bladecommuter
Boarded replacement bus services, driven by a Ryan.
I watched vomit glitter in the dark… near Notting Hill Gate.
All those moments will be lost in time, like tears...in...rain. When I commute.”
#Bladecommuter
I have a spring in my step, this morning. Because my watch exploded.
November 18, 2025 at 9:53 AM
I have a spring in my step, this morning. Because my watch exploded.
Pleased to announce that my new book “Where There’s Muck, There’s Brass - An Investigation Into The Use of French Horns in Pornography” will be available in hardback from all reputable booksellers this Monday!
November 14, 2025 at 10:04 PM
Pleased to announce that my new book “Where There’s Muck, There’s Brass - An Investigation Into The Use of French Horns in Pornography” will be available in hardback from all reputable booksellers this Monday!
Reposted by Andre the Viking
Happy Partially Muscled Skeleton Standing By The Perimeter Fence And Screaming For Thirty Seconds Before Vanishing Day today all who celebrate
November 14, 2025 at 5:16 PM
Happy Partially Muscled Skeleton Standing By The Perimeter Fence And Screaming For Thirty Seconds Before Vanishing Day today all who celebrate
Since I joined Bluesky I feel I’ve been lacking in my duty to promote the beauty of my homeland, Norway. It is a truly majestic country and tourists are always welcome.
October 18, 2025 at 8:52 PM
Since I joined Bluesky I feel I’ve been lacking in my duty to promote the beauty of my homeland, Norway. It is a truly majestic country and tourists are always welcome.
Reposted by Andre the Viking
My favourite moment in science is when Italian scientists at CERN used the LHC to collide two buffet trolleys and discovered antipasti.
May 28, 2025 at 9:46 PM
My favourite moment in science is when Italian scientists at CERN used the LHC to collide two buffet trolleys and discovered antipasti.
Throwback to when my mum began the menopause.
October 18, 2025 at 8:31 PM
Throwback to when my mum began the menopause.
Great to hear they are touring again 🎶 That's neat, that's neat, that's neat, that's neat
I really love your tiger feet, I really love your #tigerfeet🎶
I really love your tiger feet, I really love your #tigerfeet🎶
September 29, 2025 at 8:22 PM
Great to hear they are touring again 🎶 That's neat, that's neat, that's neat, that's neat
I really love your tiger feet, I really love your #tigerfeet🎶
I really love your tiger feet, I really love your #tigerfeet🎶