@aliasincognito.bsky.social
I’m not the person you’re thinking of, but just in case, I hear that guy has an above average wiener
Reposted
Finna BM in your DM
January 16, 2026 at 4:32 AM
Finna BM in your DM
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Converting the local hospital's dialysis machine into a moonshine still.
January 15, 2026 at 9:19 PM
Converting the local hospital's dialysis machine into a moonshine still.
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I once dated an astronaut. But she said I was too grounded for her.
I once dated a massage therapist, but he was too knead-y
I once dated a psychic medium, but she ghosted me
January 15, 2026 at 9:25 PM
I once dated an astronaut. But she said I was too grounded for her.
Sex on Fully closed
antidepressants pistachio
🤝
I wanna nut but can’t make it happen
antidepressants pistachio
🤝
I wanna nut but can’t make it happen
January 16, 2026 at 3:21 AM
Sex on Fully closed
antidepressants pistachio
🤝
I wanna nut but can’t make it happen
antidepressants pistachio
🤝
I wanna nut but can’t make it happen
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Just found out that boobs are real
January 13, 2026 at 10:36 PM
Just found out that boobs are real
I’m obsessed with the fact that there’s a city in Sweden that builds a large straw goat for Christmas every year and people constantly attempt to set it on fire
December 28, 2025 at 5:00 PM
I’m obsessed with the fact that there’s a city in Sweden that builds a large straw goat for Christmas every year and people constantly attempt to set it on fire
So like a Hallmark Christmas movie but rather than the handsome local guy kissing a woman returning to her small town and rekindling her Christmas spirit it’s just me drunkenly eating an entire honey baked ham by myself and crying
December 25, 2025 at 6:37 PM
So like a Hallmark Christmas movie but rather than the handsome local guy kissing a woman returning to her small town and rekindling her Christmas spirit it’s just me drunkenly eating an entire honey baked ham by myself and crying
Dads on Me with
Christmas your mom
🤝
Tearing up box
Christmas your mom
🤝
Tearing up box
December 25, 2025 at 6:25 PM
Dads on Me with
Christmas your mom
🤝
Tearing up box
Christmas your mom
🤝
Tearing up box
What happened next, well in Whoville they say, the Grinch got wasted day drinking and ruined Christmas dinner with crazy political conspiracy theories
December 25, 2025 at 6:24 PM
What happened next, well in Whoville they say, the Grinch got wasted day drinking and ruined Christmas dinner with crazy political conspiracy theories
Still my favorite Christmas decoration!
December 25, 2025 at 6:19 PM
Still my favorite Christmas decoration!
Last night I was visited by 3 ghosts but all they did was talk about my drinking… come to think of it, that may have been an intervention
December 25, 2025 at 6:07 PM
Last night I was visited by 3 ghosts but all they did was talk about my drinking… come to think of it, that may have been an intervention
It’s that time of year to catch stays for some shit that Professor Snape did with a necklace in 2003
December 25, 2025 at 4:03 AM
It’s that time of year to catch stays for some shit that Professor Snape did with a necklace in 2003
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It's Codependency, Charlie Brown!
December 24, 2025 at 2:00 AM
It's Codependency, Charlie Brown!
In an attempt to address the problematic nature of “Baby It’s Cold Outside,” I’ve rewritten it in the hopes that everyone can enjoy the new and improved “Bitch You’ll Freeze Your Tits Off Out There”
December 24, 2025 at 4:16 AM
In an attempt to address the problematic nature of “Baby It’s Cold Outside,” I’ve rewritten it in the hopes that everyone can enjoy the new and improved “Bitch You’ll Freeze Your Tits Off Out There”
I forget I have this account
December 22, 2025 at 4:07 AM
I forget I have this account
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I've never had sex before
December 21, 2025 at 10:33 PM
I've never had sex before
Yeah, Long Covid is rough, but have you heard about Girthy Covid?
November 18, 2025 at 2:09 AM
Yeah, Long Covid is rough, but have you heard about Girthy Covid?
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Muted but not silenced.
You might not see it, but I am going to talk about butts, AGAIN.
You might not see it, but I am going to talk about butts, AGAIN.
November 17, 2025 at 5:03 AM
Muted but not silenced.
You might not see it, but I am going to talk about butts, AGAIN.
You might not see it, but I am going to talk about butts, AGAIN.
Me: As you can see from my yearbook, I was named most likely to succeed
Her: This is a police report saying you were arrested at McDonalds for exposing yourself to Grimace
Me: Successfully I might add!
Her: This is a police report saying you were arrested at McDonalds for exposing yourself to Grimace
Me: Successfully I might add!
September 20, 2025 at 7:43 PM
Me: As you can see from my yearbook, I was named most likely to succeed
Her: This is a police report saying you were arrested at McDonalds for exposing yourself to Grimace
Me: Successfully I might add!
Her: This is a police report saying you were arrested at McDonalds for exposing yourself to Grimace
Me: Successfully I might add!
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Me walking back into the party after clogging the host's toilet.
a man wearing a vest and a white shirt is standing with his arms outstretched
ALT: a man wearing a vest and a white shirt is standing with his arms outstretched
media.tenor.com
June 28, 2025 at 10:53 PM
Me walking back into the party after clogging the host's toilet.
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The rainbow was a promise from God to Noah that the next flood would be much more gay.
June 3, 2025 at 4:14 AM
The rainbow was a promise from God to Noah that the next flood would be much more gay.
Reposted
Millions hate me because I pee in the shower when I'm pressed for time. Or drunk. Or sick. Or just whenever I am taking a shower. Or whenever I have to pee.
May 29, 2025 at 3:23 AM
Millions hate me because I pee in the shower when I'm pressed for time. Or drunk. Or sick. Or just whenever I am taking a shower. Or whenever I have to pee.
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Pushing on a pull door is how my shame spiral started this morning
March 16, 2025 at 12:49 PM
Pushing on a pull door is how my shame spiral started this morning
Me trying to mentally force the Teams meeting to end because my morning coffee is making me have to poo real bad
a man is holding his head with his eyes closed and the words focus focus focus behind him .
ALT: a man is holding his head with his eyes closed and the words focus focus focus behind him .
media.tenor.com
May 29, 2025 at 4:05 AM
Me trying to mentally force the Teams meeting to end because my morning coffee is making me have to poo real bad