Zoe Thorne
@zoethorne.bsky.social
Educational writer & composer. Ex developer, ex 🇫🇷 & 🇩🇪 teacher and general language nerd. Occasional comedian, sometimes intentionally. She/her.
Currently reading: Nexus by Yuval Noah Harari
Currently reading: Nexus by Yuval Noah Harari
I've always said I don't want to do anything with standup beyond a hobby. But then you go see a gig and, like the witches in Macbeth, a voice in your head goes, "Yeah but what if you got to come out on stage through a giant inflatable funfair with demonic effigies of your face on it?"
November 29, 2025 at 11:15 AM
I've always said I don't want to do anything with standup beyond a hobby. But then you go see a gig and, like the witches in Macbeth, a voice in your head goes, "Yeah but what if you got to come out on stage through a giant inflatable funfair with demonic effigies of your face on it?"
The words to that ABBA Christmas song are, "Happy new year, happy new year, may we all have a big shit now and then," and I will not be told otherwise. Listen and tell me I'm wrong.
November 28, 2025 at 9:15 AM
The words to that ABBA Christmas song are, "Happy new year, happy new year, may we all have a big shit now and then," and I will not be told otherwise. Listen and tell me I'm wrong.
Reposted by Zoe Thorne
We did it joe
November 27, 2025 at 6:34 PM
We did it joe
Why yes, I am still up and scrolling because the baby keeps crying every ten minutes because - and I cannot overstate this - FUCK teeth. It's torture sleeping in 9 minute doses so might as well stay up for the second night running. 2 more hours until I swap shifts with Mr Zoe.
November 27, 2025 at 11:55 PM
Why yes, I am still up and scrolling because the baby keeps crying every ten minutes because - and I cannot overstate this - FUCK teeth. It's torture sleeping in 9 minute doses so might as well stay up for the second night running. 2 more hours until I swap shifts with Mr Zoe.
I have never before seen a bird that looked exactly like my own crappy attempt to draw a bird.
November 27, 2025 at 11:52 PM
I have never before seen a bird that looked exactly like my own crappy attempt to draw a bird.
I swear to god, if I find out it happened in broad daylight and the password to the safe with all the snails in it was 'escargot'-
Thieves have stolen €90,000 worth of fine French snails destined for some of the country’s most prestigious restaurants
Thieves take €90,000 of snails meant for Michelin-starred restaurants
French police are on the trail of ‘experienced’ criminals who stole a whole year’s worth of produce from Jean-Mathieu Dauvergne’s L’Escargot des Grands Crus
www.thetimes.com
November 27, 2025 at 11:02 PM
I swear to god, if I find out it happened in broad daylight and the password to the safe with all the snails in it was 'escargot'-
Reposted by Zoe Thorne
Seen on Reddit:
"42 is just old people 6 7"
And... well... yeah. Can't really argue.
"42 is just old people 6 7"
And... well... yeah. Can't really argue.
November 27, 2025 at 6:44 PM
Seen on Reddit:
"42 is just old people 6 7"
And... well... yeah. Can't really argue.
"42 is just old people 6 7"
And... well... yeah. Can't really argue.
Reposted by Zoe Thorne
When preparing a Nativity scene this year, don’t forget to leave space for… *checks notes* …Andy Zaltzman being given a bath in a giant teacup.
November 27, 2025 at 11:44 AM
When preparing a Nativity scene this year, don’t forget to leave space for… *checks notes* …Andy Zaltzman being given a bath in a giant teacup.
I mean yes, that is how sponges work.
November 27, 2025 at 7:43 PM
I mean yes, that is how sponges work.
And in either case, what the hell is a funicular?
Are trains sideways lifts or are lifts upways trains
November 27, 2025 at 3:57 PM
And in either case, what the hell is a funicular?
I have just found out that the German for glaucoma is "grüner Star" and I am equally entertained and baffled.
November 27, 2025 at 1:10 PM
I have just found out that the German for glaucoma is "grüner Star" and I am equally entertained and baffled.
Call me Wokey McSnowflake but I don't think we should be eating any kids, real or otherwise.
November 27, 2025 at 1:01 PM
Call me Wokey McSnowflake but I don't think we should be eating any kids, real or otherwise.
Reposted by Zoe Thorne
Annoying everyone I know by repeatedly announcing, "Girl, it's giving thanks." I live in London.
November 27, 2025 at 8:50 AM
Annoying everyone I know by repeatedly announcing, "Girl, it's giving thanks." I live in London.
🧵So, fun story from my teaching days that I was reminded of by a conversation with old teacher friends this morning. First of all, let's be clear - most teachers absolutely hate having to enforce uniform rules, especially nonsensical ones like not wearing coats in the corridors. But we have to.
November 27, 2025 at 11:18 AM
🧵So, fun story from my teaching days that I was reminded of by a conversation with old teacher friends this morning. First of all, let's be clear - most teachers absolutely hate having to enforce uniform rules, especially nonsensical ones like not wearing coats in the corridors. But we have to.
Last night, I checked in on my kid before going to bed and was (actually not that) surprised to find a shape huddled under the duvet and the glow of a torch.
Me: Are you still up reading?
Kid: Guilty! *light goes off*
I don't think I could love her more.
Me: Are you still up reading?
Kid: Guilty! *light goes off*
I don't think I could love her more.
November 27, 2025 at 10:48 AM
Last night, I checked in on my kid before going to bed and was (actually not that) surprised to find a shape huddled under the duvet and the glow of a torch.
Me: Are you still up reading?
Kid: Guilty! *light goes off*
I don't think I could love her more.
Me: Are you still up reading?
Kid: Guilty! *light goes off*
I don't think I could love her more.
Read a post just now (quote skeets turned off, which is fair enough) about using a mandolin to cut onions and I got VERY confused until I found out there is a kitchen utensil with the same name as the instrument. Every day's a school day.
November 26, 2025 at 9:13 AM
Read a post just now (quote skeets turned off, which is fair enough) about using a mandolin to cut onions and I got VERY confused until I found out there is a kitchen utensil with the same name as the instrument. Every day's a school day.
I promise I'll just post this once now and I won't bang on about it any more until the new year but, once again, OH MY FUCKING GOD 🤩
November 25, 2025 at 10:56 PM
I promise I'll just post this once now and I won't bang on about it any more until the new year but, once again, OH MY FUCKING GOD 🤩
Oh my fucking GOD 🤩
November 25, 2025 at 9:46 PM
Oh my fucking GOD 🤩
Reposted by Zoe Thorne
🎵
AND I SAID
WHAT ABOUT...
AND I SAID
WHAT ABOUT...
bovril amphetemines
November 25, 2025 at 8:03 AM
🎵
AND I SAID
WHAT ABOUT...
AND I SAID
WHAT ABOUT...
Indeed it is!
(And some in French and German too 😉)
(And some in French and German too 😉)
November 24, 2025 at 12:45 PM
Indeed it is!
(And some in French and German too 😉)
(And some in French and German too 😉)
Baby: Apple.
Me: No, it's not time for an apple. We've just had breakfast.
Baby: Bikkit.
Me: No, you're not having a biscuit either.
Baby: Cake?
She definitely needs to work on her negotiating technique. I kind of respect the gumption, though.
Me: No, it's not time for an apple. We've just had breakfast.
Baby: Bikkit.
Me: No, you're not having a biscuit either.
Baby: Cake?
She definitely needs to work on her negotiating technique. I kind of respect the gumption, though.
November 24, 2025 at 9:04 AM
Baby: Apple.
Me: No, it's not time for an apple. We've just had breakfast.
Baby: Bikkit.
Me: No, you're not having a biscuit either.
Baby: Cake?
She definitely needs to work on her negotiating technique. I kind of respect the gumption, though.
Me: No, it's not time for an apple. We've just had breakfast.
Baby: Bikkit.
Me: No, you're not having a biscuit either.
Baby: Cake?
She definitely needs to work on her negotiating technique. I kind of respect the gumption, though.
I find the current marketing trend of smug posts that begin "We're sorry..." and go on to fake apologise for all the amazing benefits their product has apparently brought you extremely irritating.
November 23, 2025 at 9:15 PM
I find the current marketing trend of smug posts that begin "We're sorry..." and go on to fake apologise for all the amazing benefits their product has apparently brought you extremely irritating.
Beautiful moment this evening when I was cuddling the baby and singing her a lullaby before bed. She pressed her forehead to mine and we stayed there, faces tenderly close as I sang softly to her - until she bit my nose and cackled with laughter.
November 22, 2025 at 7:35 PM
Beautiful moment this evening when I was cuddling the baby and singing her a lullaby before bed. She pressed her forehead to mine and we stayed there, faces tenderly close as I sang softly to her - until she bit my nose and cackled with laughter.
Reposted by Zoe Thorne
UK immigration consultation. Designed terribly and probably intentionally to make it difficult to disagree, but worth doing if you do.
Here's the link if you would like to have a go:
Earned settlement
The government is consulting on how the current settlement system should be reformed and how those reforms should be implemented.
www.gov.uk
November 22, 2025 at 11:35 AM
UK immigration consultation. Designed terribly and probably intentionally to make it difficult to disagree, but worth doing if you do.