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Zach the Soulstealer

@zachthenarratorguy.bsky.social

4.9K followers 4.7K following 4K posts

Just a blue guy in a blue town in a blue state. I love family, my doggy, movies, the theater, a good mocha, narrating audiobooks and my town. No patience for any MAGA fuckery.m. You voted against people I care about. He/him. No DMs until I get to know you.

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Zach the Soulstealer @zachthenarratorguy.bsky.social · Dec 13

My favorite #movie: Vertigo #Hitchcock
My favorite book: A Tale of Two Cities #Dickens
My favorite t.v show: the original #TwilightZone
My favorite actor: #CharlieChaplin
My favorite flavor of ice cream: fresh raspberry.

These are a few of #myfavoritethings

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Zach the Soulstealer @zachthenarratorguy.bsky.social · 4h

Day…what, thirteen of the #GOPShutdown? Look, I am not religious but it seems all too clear to me that the J man on the big T would be storming the goddamn Capitol and slapping every turned cheek until they #releasetheEpsteinfiles.

Hey, I’ve seen Jesus Christ Superstar. That guy had a temper.

Zach the Soulstealer @zachthenarratorguy.bsky.social · 7h

“And the greatest of these is hop.”

youtu.be/6HVClB6wPrA?...

Seventh-day Advent Hoppists

YouTube video by Josh Follmann

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Zach the Soulstealer @zachthenarratorguy.bsky.social · 7h

I was born in 1981… I'm choosing one movie per day from each year to today.

2010. The Secret World of Arietty. One of the more charming, non-Miyazaki directed gems from #StudioGhibli. I love the friendship Arietty has with Shawn. And the animation is brilliant. #movies #moviechallenge

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Zach the Soulstealer @zachthenarratorguy.bsky.social · 18h

The only thing better than Monk is Monk with special guest star #TimCurry #watchingtonight #tvsky

Zach the Soulstealer @zachthenarratorguy.bsky.social · 20h

Benny…cupcake…who was president on January 6th, 2020?

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Zach the Soulstealer @zachthenarratorguy.bsky.social · 20h

If you actually thought Carlos Santana was going to go after #BadBunny for performing at the Super Bowl what can I say but…you’ve got to change your evil ways…baaaby. Before I stop lovin’ you.

Oh, who am I kidding? I could never stop lovin’ you. But #fuckCharlieKirk and that entire organization.

Zach the Soulstealer @zachthenarratorguy.bsky.social · 21h

Joe Rogan: shah, bra. You know all that crazy violent shit Trump said repeatedly he was going to do and I voted for him and got a lot of insecure and racist young men to vote for him? Well now that I’m seeing it that shit is, like, crazy and bad and stuff.

All my reactions to #MAGAmorons 👇

Zach the Soulstealer @zachthenarratorguy.bsky.social · 21h

And it’s fucking creepy!!!!!

Zach the Soulstealer @zachthenarratorguy.bsky.social · 21h

Mike “the Only Pockets I’m Not in Are Hot Pockets” Tiny Johnson.

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Zach the Soulstealer @zachthenarratorguy.bsky.social · 22h

Suspiria and White Zombie for me tonight. I forgot how beautifully Suspirias cinematography was!

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Zach the Soulstealer @zachthenarratorguy.bsky.social · 22h

Mike “Please Don’t Ask if I Can Get Weirder Than Me And My Son Monitoring Each Others Porn Because BY GOD I WILL GET WEIRDER” Johnson.

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Zach the Soulstealer @zachthenarratorguy.bsky.social · 22h

All looking like Caspers uncircumcised penis but somehow whiter.

Zach the Soulstealer @zachthenarratorguy.bsky.social · 22h

Dario Argentos Suspiria makes all other witch movies look like a fucking Barney episode. Right from the opening scene you KNOW you’re gonna be seeing some insanely fucked up shit. You do…and it doesn’t let up. #movies #horror #filmsky #watchingtonight.

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Zach the Soulstealer @zachthenarratorguy.bsky.social · 1d

Return of the King.

Look, I know that Tolkien liked to talk (and talk…and talk…and talk…) but that goddamn thing had like 23 endings.

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Zach the Soulstealer @zachthenarratorguy.bsky.social · 1d

#ColumbusDay is the celebration of a man who was such a violent, racist rapist/genocidal maniac even the perpetrators of the always unexpected Spanish Inquisition were looking at him saying “DUDE!!! FUCKING PACE YOURSELF, BRO!!!”

Or as #MAGAmorons/ PraegerU would say “a really great guy.”

Zach the Soulstealer @zachthenarratorguy.bsky.social · 1d

All this talk about people dressing up as frogs in #Portland and nobody has thought to make this #RedDwarf reference? FOR SHAAAAAAAAME!!!! #humor

youtu.be/6HVClB6wPrA?...

Seventh-day Advent Hoppists

YouTube video by Josh Follmann

youtu.be

Zach the Soulstealer @zachthenarratorguy.bsky.social · 1d

MUST….MAKE…RED DWARF REFERENCE!!!! youtu.be/6HVClB6wPrA?...

Seventh-day Advent Hoppists

YouTube video by Josh Follmann

youtu.be

Zach the Soulstealer @zachthenarratorguy.bsky.social · 1d

Suspiria. One of the few horror #movies that successfully got a “WHAT THE FUUUUUUUUUUUCK” out of me.

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Zach the Soulstealer @zachthenarratorguy.bsky.social · 1d

“And a constitutional republic is a form of—-why are you sticking your fingers in your ears and going ‘LALALALALALA’? That’s very annoying.”

Zach the Soulstealer @zachthenarratorguy.bsky.social · 1d

I read the news today (oh boy.) First headline was Trump cutting programs for special needs kids. Guaranteed every #MAGAmoron thought it wouldn’t affect them. Their kids are the HEIGHT of not disabled. There’s no way they could be defective.

#FuckMAGA and #FuckRFKjunior from this autistic man.

Zach the Soulstealer @zachthenarratorguy.bsky.social · 1d

Oh, but MAGA Christians are “the real victims.” 🙄

Scott Smith @canaansdad1987.bsky.social · 1d

If you don't like someone's sexual orientation, then don't speak with them. A person's sexual orientation is no judgment on how they were raised. I try to use myself as an example. My sons were raised by an openly gay father and they are both straight.
#USDemocracy

cwbchicago.com/2025/10/man-...

Man shot daughter, fired at her girlfriend during dispute over same-sex relationship, prosecutors say - CWB Chicago

A Humboldt Park man accused of shooting his 18-year-old daughter and firing at her girlfriend because he was displeased with their same-sex relationship is in custody after officials tracked him down ...

cwbchicago.com

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Zach the Soulstealer @zachthenarratorguy.bsky.social · 1d

I was born in 1981… I'm choosing one movie per day from each year to today.

2009, 2012. It’s shit…but it’s ENTERTAINING shit. I am convinced that Roland Emmerich is the all-hailing king of entertaining shit. #movies #filmsky #moviechallenge

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Zach the Soulstealer @zachthenarratorguy.bsky.social · 1d

I love it too.

But I wish that leading lady would, you know…SHUT THE BLOODY FUCK UP!!!!! I think she wins the most aggravating character in a zombie film.

Zach the Soulstealer @zachthenarratorguy.bsky.social · 1d

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Zach the Soulstealer @zachthenarratorguy.bsky.social · 1d

What I wouldn’t give to bring back the style of William Castle movie theaters.