Janel Comeau 🍁
@verybadllama.bsky.social
Writer, comedian, illustrator, blogger and international woman of mystery. Sworn enemy of the Swedish Yule Goat. Writer of jokes in The Beaverton and Cracked. 🇨🇦
Apple Music does not have to calculate a “listening age” because everyone who uses Apple Music is roughly 34 years old
December 3, 2025 at 10:04 PM
Apple Music does not have to calculate a “listening age” because everyone who uses Apple Music is roughly 34 years old
Unbelievably thrilled to be nominated for this year’s Best Small Fictions by @inkinthirds.bsky.social!!
Thank you for giving a home to my weird poetry about working at a defunct Canadian department store!
Thank you for giving a home to my weird poetry about working at a defunct Canadian department store!
Noms for BSF 2026 @altcurrent.bsky.social Congrats & good luck!
* Cutie With the... by Janel Comeau
* I Ran Into Your New Girlfriend... by Nora Wagner
* On the bright side… by Naa Asheley Ashitey
* Rotting by Jamie Vincent
* The Air by Nicole Callihan
The Marionette by Ivan Niccolai made 𝐁𝐒𝐅 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟓!
* Cutie With the... by Janel Comeau
* I Ran Into Your New Girlfriend... by Nora Wagner
* On the bright side… by Naa Asheley Ashitey
* Rotting by Jamie Vincent
* The Air by Nicole Callihan
The Marionette by Ivan Niccolai made 𝐁𝐒𝐅 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟓!
December 3, 2025 at 9:36 PM
Unbelievably thrilled to be nominated for this year’s Best Small Fictions by @inkinthirds.bsky.social!!
Thank you for giving a home to my weird poetry about working at a defunct Canadian department store!
Thank you for giving a home to my weird poetry about working at a defunct Canadian department store!
if I managed to produce a piece of writing that proved beyond any reasonable doubt that I had the brain of a steamed tilapia, I just don’t think I would be in a hurry to make that my Whole Thing
December 3, 2025 at 4:03 AM
if I managed to produce a piece of writing that proved beyond any reasonable doubt that I had the brain of a steamed tilapia, I just don’t think I would be in a hurry to make that my Whole Thing
imagine working on Franklin the Turtle and suddenly getting called into an emergency meeting to discuss the US government’s fan art of your beloved Canadian cartoon turtle carrying out extrajudicial killings in Venezuela
December 2, 2025 at 9:56 PM
imagine working on Franklin the Turtle and suddenly getting called into an emergency meeting to discuss the US government’s fan art of your beloved Canadian cartoon turtle carrying out extrajudicial killings in Venezuela
I am once again taking every available opportunity to make fun of Tim Hortons in North America’s Trusted Source of News
Tim Hortons reminds Campbell’s customers that they also make bad soup for poor slobs
Tim Hortons reminds Campbell's customers that they also make bad soup for poor slobs
TORONTO - Following the news that a top Campbell’s executive was fired after being caught on microphone calling the company’s soups “shit for poor people”, Tim Hortons have released a statement remind...
www.thebeaverton.com
December 1, 2025 at 9:59 PM
I am once again taking every available opportunity to make fun of Tim Hortons in North America’s Trusted Source of News
my algorithm keeps serving me ads for wire-free “comfort bras” and I cannot overstate how much I want wires in there. I want the structural support beams they use in bridge construction. I want to see my tits at the bottom of my vision like I have them equipped in Skyrim.
November 29, 2025 at 11:59 PM
my algorithm keeps serving me ads for wire-free “comfort bras” and I cannot overstate how much I want wires in there. I want the structural support beams they use in bridge construction. I want to see my tits at the bottom of my vision like I have them equipped in Skyrim.
Reposted by Janel Comeau 🍁
Danielle Smith uses notwithstanding clause to declare herself premier of B.C.
Danielle Smith uses notwithstanding clause to declare herself premier of B.C.
Prime Minister Mark Carney disagrees with the concept of a premier of one province unilaterally taking over a different province but his hands are tied by his unwillingness to do anything about it.
www.thebeaverton.com
November 28, 2025 at 5:03 PM
Danielle Smith uses notwithstanding clause to declare herself premier of B.C.
~20 years from now we're all going to hear a teenager say "I was born in the wrong generation, I'm jealous of everyone who got to live through the 2020s" and I think we should promise each other that when that day comes, we'll try not to throw this person directly into the sun
November 28, 2025 at 10:46 PM
~20 years from now we're all going to hear a teenager say "I was born in the wrong generation, I'm jealous of everyone who got to live through the 2020s" and I think we should promise each other that when that day comes, we'll try not to throw this person directly into the sun
when my ancestors ground their bones to dust toiling in farms and factories in the hopes that their descendants might someday claw their way up to bask in the light of literacy, I don't think they ever dreamed I would use that gift to read this particular combination of words
November 26, 2025 at 7:30 PM
when my ancestors ground their bones to dust toiling in farms and factories in the hopes that their descendants might someday claw their way up to bask in the light of literacy, I don't think they ever dreamed I would use that gift to read this particular combination of words
[with all the venom I can muster] I would NOT give up forever to touch you
November 26, 2025 at 6:04 AM
[with all the venom I can muster] I would NOT give up forever to touch you
I've seen people say that getting attached to ChatGPT is like "believing the stripper really loves you", but that's not true. It's more like believing that the dryer personally composed that little jingle on a lonely sockless night just to win your affections.
November 26, 2025 at 1:55 AM
I've seen people say that getting attached to ChatGPT is like "believing the stripper really loves you", but that's not true. It's more like believing that the dryer personally composed that little jingle on a lonely sockless night just to win your affections.
Reposted by Janel Comeau 🍁
God rest ye merry gentlemen
Let nothing you dismay
For some songs like old Yoda talk
About that Christmas Day
Let nothing you dismay
For some songs like old Yoda talk
About that Christmas Day
November 25, 2025 at 9:00 AM
God rest ye merry gentlemen
Let nothing you dismay
For some songs like old Yoda talk
About that Christmas Day
Let nothing you dismay
For some songs like old Yoda talk
About that Christmas Day
as a Canadian, I’ve never been able to wrap my mind around the idea of garbage disposals. what do you mean the right to bear arms also applies to your sink.
November 24, 2025 at 4:33 AM
as a Canadian, I’ve never been able to wrap my mind around the idea of garbage disposals. what do you mean the right to bear arms also applies to your sink.
I think the Americans have the right idea putting a major holiday in between Halloween and Christmas. Join me this week, fellow Canadians, as we celebrate in the inaugural Feast of Mr. Dressup. We will eat ketchup chips with puppets and hold the Christmas music at bay.
November 23, 2025 at 3:16 AM
I think the Americans have the right idea putting a major holiday in between Halloween and Christmas. Join me this week, fellow Canadians, as we celebrate in the inaugural Feast of Mr. Dressup. We will eat ketchup chips with puppets and hold the Christmas music at bay.
Reposted by Janel Comeau 🍁
I would not, could not, in my docs
Please get out of Firefox
I would not, could not, on the phone
Please just leave my calls alone
I will not, will not, even free
LLMs, just leave me be!
Please get out of Firefox
I would not, could not, on the phone
Please just leave my calls alone
I will not, will not, even free
LLMs, just leave me be!
I do not like your AI slop
I do not want this worthless glop
I do not read its overviews
I don't care what Grok says is true
I do not like it here nor there
I'm tired of it everywhere
I do not want this worthless glop
I do not read its overviews
I don't care what Grok says is true
I do not like it here nor there
I'm tired of it everywhere
November 22, 2025 at 2:29 AM
I would not, could not, in my docs
Please get out of Firefox
I would not, could not, on the phone
Please just leave my calls alone
I will not, will not, even free
LLMs, just leave me be!
Please get out of Firefox
I would not, could not, on the phone
Please just leave my calls alone
I will not, will not, even free
LLMs, just leave me be!
I do not like your AI slop
I do not want this worthless glop
I do not read its overviews
I don't care what Grok says is true
I do not like it here nor there
I'm tired of it everywhere
I do not want this worthless glop
I do not read its overviews
I don't care what Grok says is true
I do not like it here nor there
I'm tired of it everywhere
November 22, 2025 at 1:15 AM
I do not like your AI slop
I do not want this worthless glop
I do not read its overviews
I don't care what Grok says is true
I do not like it here nor there
I'm tired of it everywhere
I do not want this worthless glop
I do not read its overviews
I don't care what Grok says is true
I do not like it here nor there
I'm tired of it everywhere
my mom finally convinced my dad to go thrifting with her and he found the greatest thrift store find of all time on his very first try
November 19, 2025 at 10:16 PM
my mom finally convinced my dad to go thrifting with her and he found the greatest thrift store find of all time on his very first try
when you call a Canadian hotline and you have to press 2 for English
November 18, 2025 at 9:45 PM
when you call a Canadian hotline and you have to press 2 for English
Really can't overstate how rancid you have to be to make young women lose interest in relationships. When was 21 I moved in with a man whose only employment was freelance unicycling because I thought it might be fun to teach him table manners like Belle from Beauty and the Beast.
November 18, 2025 at 2:04 AM
Really can't overstate how rancid you have to be to make young women lose interest in relationships. When was 21 I moved in with a man whose only employment was freelance unicycling because I thought it might be fun to teach him table manners like Belle from Beauty and the Beast.
Reposted by Janel Comeau 🍁
It needs to be emphasized that this paragraph is about Robert F. Kennedy Jr.
November 17, 2025 at 3:43 PM
It needs to be emphasized that this paragraph is about Robert F. Kennedy Jr.
setting “not now kitten, daddy’s busy” as my out-of-office message at work
November 17, 2025 at 2:11 AM
setting “not now kitten, daddy’s busy” as my out-of-office message at work
I've given it some thought, and I think the funniest possible outcome is if they somehow decide to impeach Bill Clinton again
November 15, 2025 at 6:08 AM
I've given it some thought, and I think the funniest possible outcome is if they somehow decide to impeach Bill Clinton again
It's a great cosmic joke that neurodivergence both runs in families and gets diagnosed based on parent reports. I was diagnosed at 30 because a man who has eaten potatoes every day for 57 years and a woman who collects loose buttons decided I was a perfectly normal child.
November 15, 2025 at 5:10 AM
It's a great cosmic joke that neurodivergence both runs in families and gets diagnosed based on parent reports. I was diagnosed at 30 because a man who has eaten potatoes every day for 57 years and a woman who collects loose buttons decided I was a perfectly normal child.
when I travel back in time to 2016 and people ask if the candidate who wins the election is the one who has been sexually intimate with Bill Clinton
November 15, 2025 at 1:26 AM
when I travel back in time to 2016 and people ask if the candidate who wins the election is the one who has been sexually intimate with Bill Clinton