The Beaverton
@thebeaverton.com
North America’s Trusted Source Of News
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Merch: https://the-beaverton.myshopify.com/
Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/thebeaverton
Merch: https://the-beaverton.myshopify.com/
Trump demands Carney give him his standing ovation from Davos
Trump demands Carney give him his standing ovation from Davos
DAVOS, SWITZERLAND - Following his poorly-received and rambling address at the World Economic Forum, U.S. President Donald Trump angrily demanded that Canadian Prime Minister Mark Carney personally gi...
www.thebeaverton.com
January 21, 2026 at 6:49 PM
Trump demands Carney give him his standing ovation from Davos
New pod!
-Carney takes centre stage at Davos
-Trump focuses in on Greenland, with Canada apparently next
-Poilievre looks for a new riding...again
+More
Listen: open.spotify.com/episode/7KyD...
-Carney takes centre stage at Davos
-Trump focuses in on Greenland, with Canada apparently next
-Poilievre looks for a new riding...again
+More
Listen: open.spotify.com/episode/7KyD...
January 21, 2026 at 4:05 PM
New pod!
-Carney takes centre stage at Davos
-Trump focuses in on Greenland, with Canada apparently next
-Poilievre looks for a new riding...again
+More
Listen: open.spotify.com/episode/7KyD...
-Carney takes centre stage at Davos
-Trump focuses in on Greenland, with Canada apparently next
-Poilievre looks for a new riding...again
+More
Listen: open.spotify.com/episode/7KyD...
Emboldened Mark Carney delivers encore WEF speech about TFSA planning
Emboldened Mark Carney delivers encore WEF speech about TFSA planning
DAVOS, SWITZERLAND - Following a headline-making speech about middle powers of the world uniting against hegemonic power, an amped up Mark Carney returned to the stage for a fiery encore speech about ...
www.thebeaverton.com
January 21, 2026 at 1:10 AM
Emboldened Mark Carney delivers encore WEF speech about TFSA planning
Dermatologist gives up on your stupid face
Dermatologist gives up on your stupid face
TORONTO - Citing an exhaustive battery of treatment, dermatologist Dr. Barbara Sanders has officially terminated all care of your profoundly and irredeemably stupid face.
www.thebeaverton.com
January 20, 2026 at 11:51 PM
Dermatologist gives up on your stupid face
Trump tells everyone not to worry about his large box labeled "Plans to Take Over the World"
Trump tells everyone not to worry about his large box labeled "Plans to Take Over the World"
WASHINGTON, D.C. - With President Trump sharing an image of Canada, Venezuela, and Greenland as captured U.S. territory, journalists are starting to ask follow up questions about his large, ominous bo...
www.thebeaverton.com
January 20, 2026 at 5:25 PM
Trump tells everyone not to worry about his large box labeled "Plans to Take Over the World"
Serial killer’s cat insists on lying right across the warm corpse he’s working on
Serial killer’s cat insists on lying right across the warm corpse he’s working on
“Aw, jeez, Ruffles, not there,” the Mauler said.
www.thebeaverton.com
January 20, 2026 at 12:00 AM
Serial killer’s cat insists on lying right across the warm corpse he’s working on
Viewers can’t get enough of those sexy Canadian hockey boys smooching, and we discuss why that is. Luke, Ian, and @clareblackwood.bsky.social take… *ahem*… a purely professional interest.
January 19, 2026 at 11:10 PM
Viewers can’t get enough of those sexy Canadian hockey boys smooching, and we discuss why that is. Luke, Ian, and @clareblackwood.bsky.social take… *ahem*… a purely professional interest.
Ford to Carney: “Interfering in lower orders of government is MY thing!”
Ford to Carney: “Interfering in lower orders of government is MY thing!”
QUEEN'S PARK - As Prime Minister Mark Carney inks a deal with Chinese President Xi Jinping to integrate their countries' electric vehicle sectors, possibly impacting Ontario's car manufacturing, Premi...
www.thebeaverton.com
January 19, 2026 at 2:40 PM
Ford to Carney: “Interfering in lower orders of government is MY thing!”
Report: The only thing that loves you unconditionally also loves licking its own butthole
Report: The only thing that loves you unconditionally also loves licking its own butthole
VANCOUVER - Researchers at the University of British Columbia Faculty of Science report that the only thing that loves you without question feels the same way about tonguing its tuchus.
www.thebeaverton.com
January 17, 2026 at 8:00 PM
Report: The only thing that loves you unconditionally also loves licking its own butthole
Conservative pundit who tried hate-watching Heated Rivalry openly weeping at end of episode 5
Conservative pundit who tried hate-watching Heated Rivalry openly weeping at end of episode 5
NEW YORK CITY - As the Canadian hockey romance Heated Rivalry gains popularity in the United States, conservative pundit Kirk Burnham's attempt to stir up controversy over the show's gay themes ended ...
www.thebeaverton.com
January 17, 2026 at 4:12 PM
Conservative pundit who tried hate-watching Heated Rivalry openly weeping at end of episode 5
Reposted by The Beaverton
Shovelling snow found to be number 1 cause of Canadians muttering ‘fuck this fucking shit’ over and over
Shovelling snow found to be number 1 cause of Canadians muttering 'fuck this fucking shit' over and over
OTTAWA - A new study indicates that the biggest cause of Canadians repeatedly exclaiming 'fuck this fucking shit' is shovelling snow.
www.thebeaverton.com
January 15, 2026 at 3:36 PM
Shovelling snow found to be number 1 cause of Canadians muttering ‘fuck this fucking shit’ over and over
Canada chooses lawful evil over chaotic evil (podcast)
Canada chooses lawful evil over chaotic evil
“We looked around for a neutral evil country to trade with, but couldn’t find one.” Luke and the Panel (Ian MacIntyre, Clare Blackwood and Nile Seguin) talk about the horrific ICE shooting of Renee Good, Mark Carney’s trade visit to China, the protests in Iran, and Trump’s obsession with interest rates. Then the Approximately 10 […]
thebeaverton.com
January 15, 2026 at 5:21 PM
Canada chooses lawful evil over chaotic evil (podcast)
Shovelling snow found to be number 1 cause of Canadians muttering ‘fuck this fucking shit’ over and over
Shovelling snow found to be number 1 cause of Canadians muttering 'fuck this fucking shit' over and over
OTTAWA - A new study indicates that the biggest cause of Canadians repeatedly exclaiming 'fuck this fucking shit' is shovelling snow.
www.thebeaverton.com
January 15, 2026 at 3:36 PM
Shovelling snow found to be number 1 cause of Canadians muttering ‘fuck this fucking shit’ over and over
Reposted by The Beaverton
Legault resigns to spend more time privately hounding minorities
Legault resigns to spend more time privately hounding minorities
QUEBEC CITY - Quebec Premier François Legault announced his resignation today, explaining that he plans to bring his famed enthusiasm for attacking basic human rights to the private sector.
www.thebeaverton.com
January 14, 2026 at 9:05 PM
Legault resigns to spend more time privately hounding minorities
2026 showrunners caught reusing 2025 scripts
2026 showrunners caught reusing 2025 scripts
Washington, DC – In breaking news, showrunners for the year 2026 have been caught quietly reusing large portions of 2025’s scripts, prompting renewed concern that the coming season will once again fea...
www.thebeaverton.com
January 14, 2026 at 10:40 PM
2026 showrunners caught reusing 2025 scripts
Legault resigns to spend more time privately hounding minorities
Legault resigns to spend more time privately hounding minorities
QUEBEC CITY - Quebec Premier François Legault announced his resignation today, explaining that he plans to bring his famed enthusiasm for attacking basic human rights to the private sector.
www.thebeaverton.com
January 14, 2026 at 9:05 PM
Legault resigns to spend more time privately hounding minorities
New Pod!
-ICE declares war on Americans
-Trump declares war on the fed chair
-Carney declares trade with China
+More
Spotify: open.spotify.com/episode/7fJh...
-ICE declares war on Americans
-Trump declares war on the fed chair
-Carney declares trade with China
+More
Spotify: open.spotify.com/episode/7fJh...
January 14, 2026 at 3:51 PM
New Pod!
-ICE declares war on Americans
-Trump declares war on the fed chair
-Carney declares trade with China
+More
Spotify: open.spotify.com/episode/7fJh...
-ICE declares war on Americans
-Trump declares war on the fed chair
-Carney declares trade with China
+More
Spotify: open.spotify.com/episode/7fJh...
Snowbirds struggle to find sun destination not being invaded by the US
Snowbirds struggle to find sun destination not being invaded by the US
Cornwall, Prince Edward Island - Terry and Linda Haddad say their annual New Year’s tradition of booking a sale on an all inclusive resort was hampered this year when they woke up to news that the Uni...
www.thebeaverton.com
January 13, 2026 at 11:04 PM
Snowbirds struggle to find sun destination not being invaded by the US
Hey Edmonton, the Beaverton is coming to YOU!
We're doing a LIVE SHOW as part of @winterruptionyeg.com Saturday January 24th! We'll have newsdesk jokes plus a live podcast taping with a SPECIAL SURPRISE GUEST! Feat. Luke, Ian, and @clareblackwood.bsky.social!
Tickets going fast!
We're doing a LIVE SHOW as part of @winterruptionyeg.com Saturday January 24th! We'll have newsdesk jokes plus a live podcast taping with a SPECIAL SURPRISE GUEST! Feat. Luke, Ian, and @clareblackwood.bsky.social!
Tickets going fast!
January 13, 2026 at 9:50 PM
Hey Edmonton, the Beaverton is coming to YOU!
We're doing a LIVE SHOW as part of @winterruptionyeg.com Saturday January 24th! We'll have newsdesk jokes plus a live podcast taping with a SPECIAL SURPRISE GUEST! Feat. Luke, Ian, and @clareblackwood.bsky.social!
Tickets going fast!
We're doing a LIVE SHOW as part of @winterruptionyeg.com Saturday January 24th! We'll have newsdesk jokes plus a live podcast taping with a SPECIAL SURPRISE GUEST! Feat. Luke, Ian, and @clareblackwood.bsky.social!
Tickets going fast!