her: there’s not even a bed in here
me: are you sure? *pulls a bed out from behind her ear*
her: holy shit!
studio exec: what’s it about?
me: world war two
adrien brody: *falling through the ceiling* did someone call me?
studio exec: what’s it about?
me: world war two
adrien brody: *falling through the ceiling* did someone call me?
me: *neurospicy* i got this
friend: okay. cool. thank you
(fifteen minutes later alone in my car)
me: i GOT this
I got this
I got THIS
i got THis
i GoT ThIS
me: *neurospicy* i got this
friend: okay. cool. thank you
(fifteen minutes later alone in my car)
me: i GOT this
I got this
I got THIS
i got THis
i GoT ThIS
friend: i think someone has broken into my house
me: *four months later* neat
friend: i think someone has broken into my house
me: *four months later* neat
me: i’m not going to lie, pretty easily
me: i’m not going to lie, pretty easily
me: is this a normal “corny” festival or a “human sacrifice to ensure good harvest” festival?
townsfolk: which will entice you to be there?
me: oh i’m going regardless
me: is this a normal “corny” festival or a “human sacrifice to ensure good harvest” festival?
townsfolk: which will entice you to be there?
me: oh i’m going regardless
me: yeah. me too
boss: i like employees who speak their mind
me: yeah. they’re the best
boss: you get me
me: yep
me: yeah. me too
boss: i like employees who speak their mind
me: yeah. they’re the best
boss: you get me
me: yep
me: remember how I really wanted a riding lawnmower, but we couldn’t afford one?
spouse: yeah
me: well, for entirely unrelated reasons I stole a cow
me: remember how I really wanted a riding lawnmower, but we couldn’t afford one?
spouse: yeah
me: well, for entirely unrelated reasons I stole a cow
me: well, first I take some nyquil-
boss: you can't sleep at work
me: you can if you try!
me: well, first I take some nyquil-
boss: you can't sleep at work
me: you can if you try!
kid: you really don’t need to do this anymore
kid’s spouse: you don’t even live here
kid: you really don’t need to do this anymore
kid’s spouse: you don’t even live here
me: my sword
interviewer: uh...okay. and what’s your greatest weakness?
me: i don’t know how to use a sword
me: my sword
interviewer: uh...okay. and what’s your greatest weakness?
me: i don’t know how to use a sword
me: *pikachu noises*
me: *pikachu noises*