Author | Lightnews

Reposted by Randy Tayler

Dr. Bucky Isotope, PhD, BOFA @buckyisotope.bsky.social · 6h

I want a girl with a short skirt and a lonnnnnnnnnnng john silver's gift card

Randy Tayler @randytayler.com · 4h

When KINGDOM OF THE CRYSTAL SKULL came out, I was so happy, because TEMPLE OF DOOM - which I loved - was no longer the worst Indiana Jones movie

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Randy Tayler @randytayler.com · 5h

Okay. Too much doomscrolling. I overdoomed, and now I want to fight somebody. Preferably somebody in worse shape than me. Any disabled ICE agents wanna go?

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Randy Tayler @randytayler.com · 14h

Broccoli florets and baby carrots are just Fun-Sized® veggies

(Unlike with candy, the smaller the serving of a vegetable, the more fun it is)

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Reposted by Randy Tayler

Tade Thompson @tadethompson.bsky.social · 18h

Apparently it needs to be said: The best (and possibly only) living conditions for humanity are on Earth.

Space wants to kill you all the fucking time. You can visit, but not for significant portions of your lifespan.

Seriously, look it up.

Fix, cherish, and live on Earth. Visit space.

a black and white photo of a man in a suit standing in front of a white background .

Alt: a black and white photo of a man in a suit standing in front of a white background . Prince slides across the scene, pitying you

media.tenor.com

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Randy Tayler @randytayler.com · 17h

Oh I don't care about it being a GOOD game. (Frankly, people might buy it just for the nostalgia or something.) I just think it should have been recreated by now.

Building a Bluetooth opium delivery system might be tricky tho...

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Randy Tayler @randytayler.com · 1d

Why doesn't getting angry feel like such a moral failure? You'd think I must've hurt someone. Nope, all this guilt is from just feeling angry.

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Randy Tayler @randytayler.com · 1d

I would like the tune to be arranged in a round, plz. (Whenever your 3yo has time)

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Randy Tayler @randytayler.com · 1d

I like to imagine that it was at this point that a staffer tried to wrestle the phone away from him

Randy Tayler @randytayler.com · 1d

No, I was not saving those plums for breakfast! Me and the boys were gonna go plum houses on Halloween! The whole holiday is ruined. Thanks for nothing, William.

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Reposted by Randy Tayler

Jeff Stormer @jeffstormer.gobirds.online · 1d

Everyone please diligently check your candy this year. I cracked open a snickers bar and not only did I find a copper ingot, but it was of poor quality.

Worse still, when my man Nanni confronted my neighbor about it, he was treated with disdain.

A snickers bar split open, with a JPEG of a copper ingot exposed in the middle

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Reposted by Randy Tayler

josh (oldfriend99) @oldfriend99.bsky.social · 1d

In my opinion, scapegoats are at the root of many of society's problems

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Randy Tayler @randytayler.com · 1d

Why has no one recreated the augmented reality game that gave the Next Generation crew so much trouble?

Somebody stop me.

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Randy Tayler @randytayler.com · 2d

One consolation in all this: the asshole contractors who took the job demolishing the White House will NEVER get paid whatever Trump promised them.

From 2016:

www.usatoday.com/story/news/p...

USA TODAY exclusive: Hundreds allege Donald Trump doesn’t pay his bills

Among those who say billionaire didn't pay: dishwashers, painters, waiters

www.usatoday.com

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Randy Tayler @randytayler.com · 2d

In other news, I'm actually down 30 pounds since end of April

Randy Tayler @randytayler.com · 2d

ME: You can't have bacon at dinner every day, but you're definitely allowed to eat bacon at /breakfast/ every day.

DOCTOR: Your cholesterol gummed up our blood testing machine again

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Randy Tayler @randytayler.com · 2d

ME: You can't have bacon at dinner every day, but you're definitely allowed to eat bacon at /breakfast/ every day.

DOCTOR: Your cholesterol gummed up our blood testing machine again

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Randy Tayler @randytayler.com · 3d

The whole heist turns out to be a promo for a new reality TV competition called SO YOU THINK YOU CAN INVESTIGATE

Randy Tayler @randytayler.com · 3d

Now if it had been the WEST Wing, sure, okay. But even then it damn well better be occupied

Randy Tayler @randytayler.com · 4d

Samuel Beckett wrote WAITING FOR GODOT just a few years after the success of Sartre's NO EXIT.

He should've capitalized on that and called his Godot-less play NO ENTRANCE.

(Maybe then it could've been famous.)