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퓨̸크̸ "Games No One Likes" Puke

@puke.bsky.social

660 followers 200 following 9.3K posts

Scooby-Doo's Mystery Machine without the t - Misanthropy is misunderstood idealism 🧑🏻 NBi Sometimes video game stuff person, filed under👉 #chosting #retro 🎮 https://backloggd.com/u/Daav 🎥 https://letterboxd.com/daavpuke

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퓨̸크̸ "Games No One Likes" Puke @puke.bsky.social · 9d

We should probably address the big ticket. With Electronic Arts selling for $55 billion, we are going towards a trend of a game company selling for an extra zero.

What will be the first game company to sell for $100 billion?

Sharing really helps, thank you 💜

medium.com/@daavpuke/wh...

What Will Be The First $100 Billion Gaming Buyout?

We have to talk about the $100 billion sticker shock we're about to see.

medium.com

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퓨̸크̸ "Games No One Likes" Puke @puke.bsky.social · 12h

You might just like hanging out with your friends in a room where a N64 is also present. Which is cool

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퓨̸크̸ "Games No One Likes" Puke @puke.bsky.social · 12h

I will take your expert word for it 🙏

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퓨̸크̸ "Games No One Likes" Puke @puke.bsky.social · 14h

Done. Well that was easy. Sort of. I'm sure I'll brick my playthrough two steps from now, but that's one success story that will have to do for now.

퓨̸크̸ "Games No One Likes" Puke @puke.bsky.social · 15h

I've restarted Outward and now I'm only 23 silver away from my initial goal, by thieving the entire town clean and selling the goods back to them. I'm sure this isn't the intended way of playing, but I feel a lot more optimistic about scrounging 23 silver than I was before.

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퓨̸크̸ "Games No One Likes" Puke @puke.bsky.social · 16h

Here's the demo gameplay for Milo's Astro Lanes. Looking back, it looks so much like a fake video game now. I know my standards for Nintendo 64 are low, but even I think this one is a little egregious. It feels like you'd find it in Hypnospace Outlaw. Imagine getting this for Christmas.

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퓨̸크̸ "Games No One Likes" Puke @puke.bsky.social · 16h

EGM had four people assign it a review score. All four of them flunked the game. Player 1 developed EOS: Exhibition of Speed on Sega Dreamcast in 2001, published by Titus, before deciding they sucked at this. Creative director George Weising, who named his baby Milo, is in the Stellar Blade credits.

From Electric Gaming Monthly, February 1999, a page of short reviews for Magical Tetris Challenge, Milo's Astro Lanes and NBA Jam 99, reviewed by four people each. Only Milo's Astro Lanes has below average scores: 3, 3.5, 3.5 and 4.5

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퓨̸크̸ "Games No One Likes" Puke @puke.bsky.social · 16h

Magazine advertisement for Milo's Astro Lanes. A European Nintendo 64 game I haven't heard about? That's rare, since they only released like 200 games here. Maybe for good cause, since it fails the low bar of N64 trash. Developer Player 1 also made the N64 classic, Blues Brothers 2000...

#chosting

From Nintendo Power, November 1998, magazine advertisement for Milo's Astro Lanes of plasticine 3D characters bowling over an alien tongue. An alien down the lane is holding a bomb.

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퓨̸크̸ "Games No One Likes" Puke @puke.bsky.social · 17h

Ok Sans, kinda collateral damage there, buddy 😔

퓨̸크̸ "Games No One Likes" Puke @puke.bsky.social · 17h

That's what I'm saying! If you wanna just play horny trash, guess what? Your cup floweth over with possibilities, without having to shoehorn it every place that makes no sense. You're not the first to think about boobs!

Except for Daytona USA, of course. What where they thinking? 😔

퓨̸크̸ "Games No One Likes" Puke @puke.bsky.social · 18h

The game you actually want already exists. It's called Onechanbara and you didn't play it, because no one is shoving them in the culture wars. They make a ton of those, if you had the braincells to look for them. Here's the disc for one of them:

The disc for Onechanbara Chaos 2 on PlayStation 2, which has the barely clothed protagonist crouched, legs open, to have the hole of the Blu-ray be suggestively positioned on their crotch

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퓨̸크̸ "Games No One Likes" Puke @puke.bsky.social · 18h

I looked up the origin of this meme (which I correctly identified as NOT a joke, this time!)

One, of course it's Twitter. It's always Twitter. Two, it is just so exhausting to be in the same space as these losers at this point. What does "with gamers in mind" even mean here? That looks terrible.

The designed with gamers/"activists"(?) in mind meme of the Ghost of Yotei protagonist, edited to look like a whitewashed child with tits literally bigger than her face, as indicated by physics defying cleavage

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Reposted by 퓨̸크̸ "Games No One Likes" Puke

퓨̸크̸ "Games No One Likes" Puke @puke.bsky.social · 1d

I don't wanna keep doing spooky stuff all month, so here's one last one: the Nokia N-Gage really only had one scary game and it's Ashen.

A shooter akin to your Quake and whatnot, but on your phone in 2004. It even had multiplayer. Developer for hire, Torus Games, still exists!

#chosting

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퓨̸크̸ "Games No One Likes" Puke @puke.bsky.social · 18h

Well, I already fucked up my Outward playthrough so much that I'll need to start a new game and redo the two hours of prep. So far, exactly the game I expected.

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퓨̸크̸ "Games No One Likes" Puke @puke.bsky.social · 20h

Better than the Roblox chaser bot amirite 🥁

Thank you, I'll be here all week (I'm terminally online)

Reposted by 퓨̸크̸ "Games No One Likes" Puke

퓨̸크̸ "Games No One Likes" Puke @puke.bsky.social · 1d

It's scary...how horny the magazine advertisements in 2002 were. Granted, the entirety of Bloodrayne was built around circulating the blood away from your brain. To your dick, if you catch my drift. It's very subtle.

Ass, titties, guns; this game has it all!

#gaming #retro 🎮

Magazine advertisement for Bloodrayne on PS2, Xbox and Nintendo GameCube. The titular booby vampire is straddling a Nazi, crotch to crotch, while shooting a gun. The text reads:

She pressed against him
He could not resist her needs
He would die for her

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퓨̸크̸ "Games No One Likes" Puke @puke.bsky.social · 22h

"Parappa, you gotta believe...in finding a donor for a liver transplant. I'm dying, Parappa."

The Um Jammer Lammy alarm clock with the character's eyes yellowed out

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퓨̸크̸ "Games No One Likes" Puke @puke.bsky.social · 22h

And yes, they gave alarm clock Parappa a girlfriend later on. Unfortunately, Um Jammer Lammy has Super Nintendo eyes. By which I mean that it's pretty hard to still find one without the faulty plastics having yellowed. They gave my poor girl jaundice 😭

An Um Jammer Lammy alarm clock, with a box that has the character say: All right, Thank you, OK

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퓨̸크̸ "Games No One Likes" Puke @puke.bsky.social · 22h

The virgin €100 Nintendo Alarmo versus the chad €40 Parappa the Rapper clock

#gaming #retro #PlayStation 🎮

From Jugemu March 1998, magazine page of Parappa the Rapper game merchandising, including mugs, keychains and a clock

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퓨̸크̸ "Games No One Likes" Puke @puke.bsky.social · 1d

I bought Outward. They made a conscious choice here that for it to run on a Nintendo Switch, it would look like the worst PS3 port you've ever witnessed. It's hilariously poor quality. And it was the right call probably. Also, this SunnO))) ass soundtrack is incredible.

Reposted by 퓨̸크̸ "Games No One Likes" Puke

퓨̸크̸ "Games No One Likes" Puke @puke.bsky.social · 2d

Here's what the game looks like in screenshots, in case you don't like old game intros. I don't know why you wouldn't, but here you go.

Screenshot for Disney's The Haunted Mansion in GameCube, featuring the protagonist holding a lamp, in a spooky mansion, facing various ghosts and undead stuff

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Reposted by 퓨̸크̸ "Games No One Likes" Puke

퓨̸크̸ "Games No One Likes" Puke @puke.bsky.social · Dec 13

What's the best way to advertise the Nintendo GameCube? Somehow, it's also Final Fantasy Tactics Advance! With a few extra steps, thanks to the Game Boy Player. It's just the best game, what can I say? 🤷‍♂️

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퓨̸크̸ "Games No One Likes" Puke @puke.bsky.social · 1d

a cartoon of a rabbit with the words aww shucks written above it

Alt: a cartoon of a rabbit with the words aww shucks written above it

media.tenor.com

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Reposted by 퓨̸크̸ "Games No One Likes" Puke

퓨̸크̸ "Games No One Likes" Puke @puke.bsky.social · 2d

Post a random game in your collection, here on Saturday

It's spooky month, so for #RandomGameSaturday here's a game I think is real stupid, but people like it. Everyone just copies Resident Evil forever, so Capcom thought they'd do it themselves but with dinosaurs. That's it. That's the game 🤷

A PlayStation copy of Dino Crisis with the box art being a dinosaur foot

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퓨̸크̸ "Games No One Likes" Puke @puke.bsky.social · 1d

Can I interest you in a Girls of Gaming magazine? Yes, it's exactly what you think it is. They put one out every year for a while.

archive.org/details/girl...

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퓨̸크̸ "Games No One Likes" Puke @puke.bsky.social · 1d

The Missing JJ Macfield deer phone emoji that says: Let's Dance

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