Alan
@oraclecrank.bsky.social
chattanooga, tn | 🍞🏴🏳️🌈 | he/him
have you guys ever noticed that rich people are soulless husks with no human value whatsoever
December 13, 2025 at 1:38 PM
have you guys ever noticed that rich people are soulless husks with no human value whatsoever
I was so hungover watching a matinee of Punisher: Warzone that I urped on myself, left the theater, went to Sears, bought and changed into a new outfit, came back to the movie, and fell asleep
Raising the always fun question: What are your most memorable theater-going experiences?
Mine also include The Matrix, Blair Witch, and being way too stoned in Belgium when Fellowship of the Ring was sold out so we sat in the back row for Mulholland Drive instead.
Mine also include The Matrix, Blair Witch, and being way too stoned in Belgium when Fellowship of the Ring was sold out so we sat in the back row for Mulholland Drive instead.
It was hands-down one of the most memorable theater-going experiences I can remember, a collective 30-minute butt-clench/armrest-grab for the final climb. And we knew he lived! Wild.
December 12, 2025 at 11:37 PM
I was so hungover watching a matinee of Punisher: Warzone that I urped on myself, left the theater, went to Sears, bought and changed into a new outfit, came back to the movie, and fell asleep
I want one of those jobs where you just stomp around in a room full of monitors yelling I NEED EYES ON THE TARGET PEOPLE,
December 12, 2025 at 6:09 PM
I want one of those jobs where you just stomp around in a room full of monitors yelling I NEED EYES ON THE TARGET PEOPLE,
Reposted by Alan
I'm sorry you seemingly don't have anyone you can trust to intervene and persuade you not to do things like this.
December 7, 2025 at 11:57 PM
I'm sorry you seemingly don't have anyone you can trust to intervene and persuade you not to do things like this.
partner is teaching a class this morning and the dog is pining
December 6, 2025 at 3:44 PM
partner is teaching a class this morning and the dog is pining
Reposted by Alan
That's so something the kwisatz haderach would say
December 3, 2025 at 9:35 PM
That's so something the kwisatz haderach would say
the one I would NOT like to attend is any of the parties in Eyes Wide Shut !!
What's a fictional holiday party you would love to attend?
My answers:
--the Christmas party from Fanny and Alexander
--the Yule feast in Nicola Griffith's Hild
--the Baileys' "welcome home" party for Harry in It's a Wonderful Life
--the office party in Die Hard; I'm sure nothing will go wrong
My answers:
--the Christmas party from Fanny and Alexander
--the Yule feast in Nicola Griffith's Hild
--the Baileys' "welcome home" party for Harry in It's a Wonderful Life
--the office party in Die Hard; I'm sure nothing will go wrong
December 6, 2025 at 10:31 AM
the one I would NOT like to attend is any of the parties in Eyes Wide Shut !!
'western civilization is collapsing because of unproductive useless eaters'
--guy whose job is to sell pieces of paper with made up numbers on them to other guys who sell pieces of paper with made up numbers on them
--guy whose job is to sell pieces of paper with made up numbers on them to other guys who sell pieces of paper with made up numbers on them
December 3, 2025 at 12:21 PM
'western civilization is collapsing because of unproductive useless eaters'
--guy whose job is to sell pieces of paper with made up numbers on them to other guys who sell pieces of paper with made up numbers on them
--guy whose job is to sell pieces of paper with made up numbers on them to other guys who sell pieces of paper with made up numbers on them
it's crazy how dick cheney's corpse just burst open at his funeral and exploded rotting goo on everyone like william the conqueror's
November 20, 2025 at 7:34 PM
it's crazy how dick cheney's corpse just burst open at his funeral and exploded rotting goo on everyone like william the conqueror's
the epstein Hoax is now DEVASTATING darlings of the Far Left like Larry summers
November 19, 2025 at 3:34 PM
the epstein Hoax is now DEVASTATING darlings of the Far Left like Larry summers
this is what happens when you only sacrifice 999 psykers
November 4, 2025 at 4:22 PM
this is what happens when you only sacrifice 999 psykers
heaven has a new #Resistance angel 🙏
November 4, 2025 at 1:33 PM
heaven has a new #Resistance angel 🙏
If you see this, quote with a robot that isn't from "Star Wars," "Star Trek," "Dr. Who," or "Transformers.
November 3, 2025 at 7:20 PM
If you see this, quote with a robot that isn't from "Star Wars," "Star Trek," "Dr. Who," or "Transformers.
brutal lmao
This Washington Post article about MAGA people trying and failing to date in Washington is...really something
www.removepaywall.com/search?url=h...
www.removepaywall.com/search?url=h...
November 3, 2025 at 7:10 PM
brutal lmao
Reposted by Alan
How do I carry this weight around? Mostly on my Royal Cart, which is of Ixian manufacture.
October 27, 2025 at 3:42 AM
How do I carry this weight around? Mostly on my Royal Cart, which is of Ixian manufacture.
Reposted by Alan
The Giedi Prime investment has been written off.
October 26, 2025 at 9:55 PM
The Giedi Prime investment has been written off.
it's too late bro I've already depicted myself as the $99 fancy corn snake and you as the lowly $89 assorted corn snake
October 26, 2025 at 9:20 PM
it's too late bro I've already depicted myself as the $99 fancy corn snake and you as the lowly $89 assorted corn snake
boyfriend said I look really gay today??
October 25, 2025 at 6:20 PM
boyfriend said I look really gay today??
once again thinking about soviet bread
October 23, 2025 at 11:18 PM
once again thinking about soviet bread
gimme the treats boys
October 23, 2025 at 10:53 AM
gimme the treats boys
My union is finally having a strike authorization vote next week!
October 22, 2025 at 7:32 PM
My union is finally having a strike authorization vote next week!
can I see your phone?
um sure one second
um sure one second
October 21, 2025 at 2:55 PM
can I see your phone?
um sure one second
um sure one second
actually my satire is neither mistaken for nor does it contribute to that which it intends to criticize even it when it lacks a clarity of purpose and target but I'm built different 💪
October 20, 2025 at 5:06 PM
actually my satire is neither mistaken for nor does it contribute to that which it intends to criticize even it when it lacks a clarity of purpose and target but I'm built different 💪
something
is working toward you
right now
no no, not YOU personally, not like that
don't worry about it
is working toward you
right now
no no, not YOU personally, not like that
don't worry about it
October 20, 2025 at 2:34 PM
something
is working toward you
right now
no no, not YOU personally, not like that
don't worry about it
is working toward you
right now
no no, not YOU personally, not like that
don't worry about it
ogden nash [gay]
the problem with a twink is that
eventually he becomes a brat
the problem with a twink is that
eventually he becomes a brat
October 18, 2025 at 10:27 AM
ogden nash [gay]
the problem with a twink is that
eventually he becomes a brat
the problem with a twink is that
eventually he becomes a brat