Jess Whitecroft (she/her)
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jesswhitecroft.bsky.social
Jess Whitecroft (she/her)
@jesswhitecroft.bsky.social
1.2K followers 380 following 7K posts
Writes romance and horror. Sometimes combines the two in a horrible romance. Gluten-free. May contain nuts. No DMs, please, because the UK has determined I'm not adult enough to read them.
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jesswhitecroft.bsky.social
TBF he seems like kind of a crêpe.
November 30, 2025 at 9:29 AM
jesswhitecroft.bsky.social
My feet and my brain feel like they're trying to work out which hates me the most right now. And my lower spine is eagerly chiming in on the shittalk.
November 29, 2025 at 10:22 PM
jesswhitecroft.bsky.social
I do enjoy his baseball bat thing, but I think if he wants to get really serious he should hammer a bunch of nails into it. You know. For those who need it.
conorsmith.ie Conor Smith @conorsmith.ie · 15h
"No more Pope Innocent"
The Pope on a plane holding a baseball bat
November 29, 2025 at 9:03 PM
jesswhitecroft.bsky.social
Unseasoned, basic, dry, totally lacking in taste. And don't even get me started on the food.
jackiantonovich.bsky.social Jacqueline Antonovich @jackiantonovich.bsky.social · 16h
Karoline Leavitt's Thanksgiving spread. Please dissect.
www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article...
A Thanksgiving spread of foods.
November 29, 2025 at 7:30 PM
Reposted by Jess Whitecroft (she/her)
catacalypto.bsky.social
A story Stoppard told several times, in several places:
"Years and years ago, there was a production of The Tempest, out of doors, at an Oxford college on a lawn, which was the stage, and the lawn went back towards the lake in the grounds of the college, and the play began in natural light. But as it developed, and as it became time for Ariel to say his farewell to the world of The Tempest, the evening had started to close in and there was some artificial lighting coming on. And as Ariel uttered his last speech, he turned and he ran across the grass, and he got to the edge of the lake and he just kept running across the top of the water — the producer having thoughtfully provided a kind of walkway an inch beneath the water. And you could see and you could hear the plish, plash as he ran away from you across the top of the lake, until the gloom enveloped him and he disappeared from your view. And as he did so, from the further shore, a firework rocket was ignited, and it went whoosh into the air, and high up there it burst into lots of sparks, and all the sparks went out, and he had gone. "When you look up the stage directions, it says, 'Exit Ariel.”
November 29, 2025 at 6:10 PM
Reposted by Jess Whitecroft (she/her)
philoof.bsky.social
Quokkas can’t juggle but they do enjoy watching
November 29, 2025 at 3:17 PM
Reposted by Jess Whitecroft (she/her)
unicornsrockuk.bsky.social
Just over 600 more signatures to get to 100k. Please consider signing if you're eligible, or sharing if you're not.

Let's try to shine a light on the traitors!
petition.parliament.uk/petitions/74...
Petition: Call a public inquiry into Russian influence on UK politics & democracy
We are concerned about reported efforts from Russia to influence democracy in the US, UK, Europe and elsewhere. We believe we must establish the depth and breadth of possible Russian influence campaig...
petition.parliament.uk
November 29, 2025 at 3:23 PM
jesswhitecroft.bsky.social
Look, I know how when the going gets tough the tough tend to turn into the People's Front of Judea, but there's absolutely no reason to go this hard.
November 29, 2025 at 2:47 PM
jesswhitecroft.bsky.social
Still have to frost a birthday cake, too. I need a nap.
November 29, 2025 at 2:43 PM
jesswhitecroft.bsky.social
I KNOW, I KNOW, I MADE SHIT MACARONS. NOW TELL ME USEFUL THINGS TO DO WITH THEIR SHITTY CORPSES INSTEAD OF YELLING AT ME UNTIL I AM INSPIRED TO DO SOMETHING IMMODERATE AND TURN MY RECYCLING BIN INTO A MACARON NGANGA. IT'S FUELLED BY SPITE AND PROTEIN AND YOU WILL NOT LIKE IT.
November 29, 2025 at 2:42 PM
jesswhitecroft.bsky.social
Just spent two hours on macaron necromancy and couldn't create a stable crust out of their remains. This might not have happened if every single fucking article about how to repurpose shit macarons spent more time telling you how to do that instead of scolding you for making shit macarons.
November 29, 2025 at 2:40 PM
Reposted by Jess Whitecroft (she/her)
debjitduttaart.bsky.social
What a great headline
November 28, 2025 at 3:49 PM
jesswhitecroft.bsky.social
So dinner was an early Christmas gift - a nine course menu of the kind of food that drove Carmy insane. I can't even begin to imagine what it's like to have so much talent that you can turn Brussels sprouts into a delicacy.
November 28, 2025 at 10:53 PM
jesswhitecroft.bsky.social
"Confidence is the preference of the habitual voyeur of what is known as..."
goingmedieval.bsky.social Dr Eleanor Janega @goingmedieval.bsky.social · 1d
"Leave it, he's not worth it!"
November 28, 2025 at 5:02 PM
jesswhitecroft.bsky.social
Hazing ritual. Definitely. Now to figure out how to repurpose their flat, footless little corpses. I'm thinking some kind of ganache-filled tartlets, but that will have to happen tomorrow.
Fucked up macaron shells
November 28, 2025 at 3:51 PM
jesswhitecroft.bsky.social
Air bubbles. Fuck it all.
November 28, 2025 at 3:37 PM
jesswhitecroft.bsky.social
Oh, and I forgot to drop the macarons. Is this a cookie or a hazing ritual?
November 28, 2025 at 3:27 PM
Reposted by Jess Whitecroft (she/her)
afterthehavoc.cryptoanarchy.network
Maybe don't print THE CURSED BLACK SPEECH OF MORDOR ON YOUR UNDERWEAR.
jamberee13.bsky.social Fossilized Tree Resin @jamberee13.bsky.social · Dec 30
I think I might need LotR underwear but they should say something like “speak friend and enter” or “no admittance except on party business”
One ring underwear from a banner ad
November 28, 2025 at 2:47 PM
jesswhitecroft.bsky.social
The fussiest, silliest French princes of stupid fucking biscuits now have to sit out and dry like baking drag queens before they go into the oven to give me even worse anxiety than they have already. (And yes, I know my spice rack is a joke.)
Trays of pink, green and yellow macarons ready for baking, and all the subsequent palpitations that go with their ridiculously stressful baking. I might hate them. A bit.
November 28, 2025 at 2:44 PM
jesswhitecroft.bsky.social
Welp, fuck me sideways. Somebody's having scrambled eggs tomorrow. The yolk broke TWICE.
A very failed attempt to separate eggs
November 28, 2025 at 1:49 PM
jesswhitecroft.bsky.social
Great. Meringue fail straight out of the gate. Hope everyone likes Eton Mess.
November 28, 2025 at 1:19 PM
jesswhitecroft.bsky.social
Psyching myself up for the meringue nightmare ahead. It's macarons time.
November 28, 2025 at 1:08 PM
Reposted by Jess Whitecroft (she/her)
greenparty.org.uk
Hope is here.

Help us beat Reform in May. Donate today ⤵️
November 28, 2025 at 7:31 AM
Reposted by Jess Whitecroft (she/her)
unamccormack.bsky.social
Shit on the tennis courts
katie0martin.ft.com Katie Martin @katie0martin.ft.com · 2d
install a conservatory to own the libs. perfect.

www.thetimes.com/life-style/p...
November 27, 2025 at 3:50 PM
jesswhitecroft.bsky.social
This is very good, although the opening paragraph feels like a hazing ritual you have to get through to deserve the rest. At least the writer apologises for the sexual imagery being incredibly disgusting, which is more than RFK Jr ever did.
November 27, 2025 at 1:12 PM