Jess Whitecroft (she/her)
@jesswhitecroft.bsky.social
Writes romance and horror. Sometimes combines the two in a horrible romance. Gluten-free. May contain nuts. No DMs, please, because the UK has determined I'm not adult enough to read them.
Hazing ritual. Definitely. Now to figure out how to repurpose their flat, footless little corpses. I'm thinking some kind of ganache-filled tartlets, but that will have to happen tomorrow.
November 28, 2025 at 3:51 PM
Hazing ritual. Definitely. Now to figure out how to repurpose their flat, footless little corpses. I'm thinking some kind of ganache-filled tartlets, but that will have to happen tomorrow.
The fussiest, silliest French princes of stupid fucking biscuits now have to sit out and dry like baking drag queens before they go into the oven to give me even worse anxiety than they have already. (And yes, I know my spice rack is a joke.)
November 28, 2025 at 2:44 PM
The fussiest, silliest French princes of stupid fucking biscuits now have to sit out and dry like baking drag queens before they go into the oven to give me even worse anxiety than they have already. (And yes, I know my spice rack is a joke.)
Welp, fuck me sideways. Somebody's having scrambled eggs tomorrow. The yolk broke TWICE.
November 28, 2025 at 1:49 PM
Welp, fuck me sideways. Somebody's having scrambled eggs tomorrow. The yolk broke TWICE.
I know I bitch a LOT about Americans and their weird cup witchcraft, but I'm hoping these take away the pain of translating from metric when I inevitably lose my mind and start trying America's Test Kitchen stunts later this week.
November 26, 2025 at 3:27 PM
I know I bitch a LOT about Americans and their weird cup witchcraft, but I'm hoping these take away the pain of translating from metric when I inevitably lose my mind and start trying America's Test Kitchen stunts later this week.
Still driving myself slowly insane with furry dice, I'm afraid. It's a sickness at this point.
November 15, 2025 at 1:01 PM
Still driving myself slowly insane with furry dice, I'm afraid. It's a sickness at this point.
New booze obsession. Think Baileys, but made with rum instead of whisky. Background spice is very chai-like. Just dumped some in a panna cotta, to be topped off with bananas roasted in brown sugar.
November 8, 2025 at 2:20 PM
New booze obsession. Think Baileys, but made with rum instead of whisky. Background spice is very chai-like. Just dumped some in a panna cotta, to be topped off with bananas roasted in brown sugar.
When I was designing the cover for my last book I needed a booking number to make the mugshot image really pop. I was clearly ahead of the curve with the message the number cipher spells out.
November 2, 2025 at 2:53 PM
When I was designing the cover for my last book I needed a booking number to make the mugshot image really pop. I was clearly ahead of the curve with the message the number cipher spells out.
Today is the 99th anniversary of Houdini's death. He left instructions with his widow Bess to hold seances for him every Halloween, in case he decided to get in touch. He didn't.
October 31, 2025 at 12:52 PM
Today is the 99th anniversary of Houdini's death. He left instructions with his widow Bess to hold seances for him every Halloween, in case he decided to get in touch. He didn't.
Pumpkin now serving 'elevator doesn't go all the way to the top floor'. I have no idea where the LED lights are, either.
October 28, 2025 at 4:45 PM
Pumpkin now serving 'elevator doesn't go all the way to the top floor'. I have no idea where the LED lights are, either.
A little guy from last year. Hang on in there.
October 22, 2025 at 10:57 PM
A little guy from last year. Hang on in there.
Happy eightieth birthday to a queen who was gone too soon, and who knew exactly what was up.
October 19, 2025 at 3:38 PM
Happy eightieth birthday to a queen who was gone too soon, and who knew exactly what was up.
Friendship with wube (wool cube) ended. Woctohedron is my best friend now.
September 28, 2025 at 2:35 PM
Friendship with wube (wool cube) ended. Woctohedron is my best friend now.
My favourite slur at Thurne. And some ducks. #ShitBirdPhotos
September 20, 2025 at 4:38 PM
My favourite slur at Thurne. And some ducks. #ShitBirdPhotos
September 18, 2025 at 6:49 PM
Swanning around. Looks tranquil, doesn't it? The 45mph winds came later.
September 16, 2025 at 12:17 PM
Swanning around. Looks tranquil, doesn't it? The 45mph winds came later.
Did a bit of overdue admin this weekend.
September 14, 2025 at 8:13 PM
Did a bit of overdue admin this weekend.
Wube* is back. Tell a friend.
*cube made of wool. Wool cube. Wube. The wube has in no way made me insane.
*cube made of wool. Wool cube. Wube. The wube has in no way made me insane.
September 7, 2025 at 2:33 PM
Wube* is back. Tell a friend.
*cube made of wool. Wool cube. Wube. The wube has in no way made me insane.
*cube made of wool. Wool cube. Wube. The wube has in no way made me insane.
I suspect the Wikipedia page on The Gathering might need an edit and will definitely get one. Which is a shame, as 'honking his toot box' should live forever.
September 2, 2025 at 9:43 AM
I suspect the Wikipedia page on The Gathering might need an edit and will definitely get one. Which is a shame, as 'honking his toot box' should live forever.
Smoked haddock, cod, and chip shop chips. I usually freeze my leftover chips from the chippy and use them for bubble & squeak, but this time I ground them up in the food processor and used them in place of mashed potatoes. They lend all that lovely junk food salt & vinegar flavour to the mix.
August 26, 2025 at 2:59 PM
Smoked haddock, cod, and chip shop chips. I usually freeze my leftover chips from the chippy and use them for bubble & squeak, but this time I ground them up in the food processor and used them in place of mashed potatoes. They lend all that lovely junk food salt & vinegar flavour to the mix.
Mikey is a liar. I've never met a common prostitute on this app. They've all been very classy and unusual. (Mikey is also a foaming antisemite, so proceed with caution, moderation, and judicious use of the block button.)
August 24, 2025 at 1:43 PM
Mikey is a liar. I've never met a common prostitute on this app. They've all been very classy and unusual. (Mikey is also a foaming antisemite, so proceed with caution, moderation, and judicious use of the block button.)
Family is visiting. Cake happened.
August 16, 2025 at 3:02 PM
Family is visiting. Cake happened.
It's giving 70s Good Housekeeping, but it's a cheddar cheese crust, too. Shouldn't be wanting for flavour.
August 10, 2025 at 2:41 PM
It's giving 70s Good Housekeeping, but it's a cheddar cheese crust, too. Shouldn't be wanting for flavour.
I made a cube out of wool. Wool cube. Wube.
August 8, 2025 at 12:46 PM
I made a cube out of wool. Wool cube. Wube.
This is what the box suggested I make. I had other ideas.
August 7, 2025 at 5:40 PM
This is what the box suggested I make. I had other ideas.
It's my sister's fault. She bought me a needle felt kit for Christmas. It was supposed to be a sloth but it looked like a grey-blue sausage with limbs, and I was like 'I'm sure I can make this look more slothly'. Several million tiny stabbings later I had this hanging off a houseplant.
August 7, 2025 at 4:03 PM
It's my sister's fault. She bought me a needle felt kit for Christmas. It was supposed to be a sloth but it looked like a grey-blue sausage with limbs, and I was like 'I'm sure I can make this look more slothly'. Several million tiny stabbings later I had this hanging off a houseplant.