I know his face is not his fault, but that man has the look of a cornered polecat. And it looks like he's been making his anger all of our problem.

"An expert says parents need their children." Okay, this is a direct lie, because the only expert they cite in this article says no, please stop doing this.

It's very rude.

Look, I love a good garden centre as much as anyone nudging 50, but I pray NEVER to be old enough for Michael McIntyre.

Leftover yolks = mayonnaise or cookie dough, and leftover egg whites freeze very well. I usually keep a couple in the freezer for quick and dirty meringues or for clarifying stocks.

Ego is always a problem with those old school brocialist types, unfortunately. Saw too much of that shit with my dad, and Your Party have a strong whiff of it.

It's the surprise more than anything else. Like I don't usually scream at spiders, but one night when I looked down and saw a massive house spider crawling across my cleavage you'd better believe I made one of the weirdest Sasquatch noises I've ever made in my life.

I hate them. They've consumed far too much of my time and energy. Now I have to fuck about with pate sucree instead. Little pastel douchebags.

Hi. Also a member of Team Flat Chewy Biscuit. We're good people. Just not very good at macarons.

I'm already doing normal Eton Mess things with the meringues I had to make when my first attempt went south. Anyway, they're now in the bin, where they can't mess with me anymore. I've got too many other things to do.

You want hash browns with that?