Breaking: An Epstein survivor just silenced press conference attendees when she delivered the following remarks:

“Today we stand in a moment that will decide whether our government belongs to the American people, or to those who prey on them.”

stream my song open.spotify.com/track/7705AD...

someone was breathing heavily on the other end of the mcdonald's drive thru, no answer so i pull up to the window and no one's there, i drive home, there's a big mac smeared across the garage door, i open the door and fries are everywhere, the phone rings, a voice says "you should have used the app"

i don't think about politicians at all, i think about cool guy shit like burgers and hot babes or hot babes eating burgers or anthropomorphic burgers eating hot babes

might delete all this shit and just mail everyone my posts handwritten on toilet paper

We've two goldfish, often I forget to feed 'em till late at night, usually when I want to go to bed. I feel guilty adding food to their tank then turning off the light in case they can't see it. So I have to stand with them till they are finished, Don't want them to think I'm a nob

pre save my song
push.fm/ps/linger

i just saw a guy wearing a plain black t shirt that said nothing but the word soil in all caps and plain white text

If you’re driving around in unmarked cars, wearing masks, and kidnapping people, you’re not one of the good guys.

Getting your nazi tat covered up with a celtic knot is a gag they'd have Mr. Peanut Butter do in Bojack Horseman.

how do i change my username

It is a well known fact in my household.

If you’re curious, this week—like every week—is an excellent time to write sad, panicked stories about real life disguised as weird, speculative stories about something strange and terrifying that bears no resemblance to reality but still screams with the same mouth.

Pants has declared you are all her subjects and she is now Queen. I tried to explain to her that we don’t do monarchies here but she refuses to believe me.