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fesshole 🧻

@fesshole.bsky.social

98K followers 3 following 11K posts

Confess your sins anonymously - will the internet absolve you? Buy show tickets 2025: sites.google.com/view/fesshole Add confession forms.gle/qqBxEsJ31Uawv6EY7 Buy book amazon.co.uk/s?k=very+best+of+fesshole&tag=b3ta-21 Run @robmanuelyeah.bsky.social

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fesshole 🧻 @fesshole.bsky.social · Sep 4

Add your fess: forms.gle/qqBxEsJ31Uawv6EY7

FESSHOLE LIVE TICKETS: sites.google.com/view/fesshole
BOOK(s): amazon.co.uk/s?k=very+best+of+fesshole&tag=b3ta-21
FAQ: docs.google.com/document/d/1xbmKWlosI_Ac6NMi8PzxupaIH-_twlp4ZGJE961X5wE
PODCAST: audioboom.com/channels/5133334-fesshole-the-podcast

It's dates for the live show

Diss (Norfolk/East Anglia) - The Corn Hall - 10th September 2025
Worthing (West Sussex) - The Factory Live - 15th October 2025
Liverpool - Hot Water Comedy - 12th Nov 2025
Leeds - The Old Woolen - 4th March 2026

fesshole 🧻 @fesshole.bsky.social · 1m

I'm Head of Marketing in a ~£1b/year turnover company. One of the best things about reaching this height is you don't have to go to meetings anymore. You have an army of minions to send in your place. My diary looks busy, but it's pretty empty.

fesshole 🧻 @fesshole.bsky.social · 9h

I deliberately delayed the release of my album so as not to clash with the recent Taylor Swift release. I only have 3 listeners on Spotify, but you never know. Just takes one to catch fire.

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fesshole 🧻 @fesshole.bsky.social · 10h

Having spotted our most idiotic director in somebody else's office, I noticed he had left his mug in the canteen waiting for the kettle to boil. I made myself a drink and poured the rest of the contents of the kettle down the sink. You send me petty emails, I make petty gestures

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fesshole 🧻 @fesshole.bsky.social · 11h

The bin men didn't come until after 8pm last week. This made me realise how boring I am because it was one of the most interesting things that have happened in a while.

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fesshole 🧻 @fesshole.bsky.social · 12h

I gave my partner a worming tablet because I kept finding these blue spirals in the toilet bowl slowly moving in the water. They were flushing their dental floss.

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fesshole 🧻 @fesshole.bsky.social · 13h

Caught my colleague siphoning projects with big bonuses attached off me without telling me. So for the last year have been deleting, moving, renaming and swapping documents in his files, letting him think he's going senile and letting him take the flak from the bosses.

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fesshole 🧻 @fesshole.bsky.social · 14h

A few years ago I rented out a room on AirBnB in my flat but I only have one bathroom. One morning after a huge coffee I needed to take an emergency dump but the toilet was occupied. I have two cats so I ran to their litter box in the hallway and took a shit in it.

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fesshole 🧻 @fesshole.bsky.social · 15h

Short-term flat rental websites have ruined my city: extortionate house prices, over-tourism, few long-term lets. I protest, write letters, put up posters. I've booked a lovely cheap apartment for a weekend in Madrid, but I'm telling nobody.

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fesshole 🧻 @fesshole.bsky.social · 16h

Got back from the pub after a good night. Felt the need to empty my bowels. Also felt the need for some science. Laid a good sized turn in the dishwasher, put in a tablet with a powerball, turned it on. The morning was dreadful. In future I'll rely on thought experiments.

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fesshole 🧻 @fesshole.bsky.social · 16h

Lighten your mind with a confession. Drop it in here Google form: https://forms.gle/qqBxEsJ31Uawv6EY7

fesshole 🧻 @fesshole.bsky.social · 17h

I started watching football at university to fit in with my first year flatmates, but actually hated it. We're meeting up for the first time in five years and they want to watch football at a pub. I'm now revising the last five years of football

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fesshole 🧻 @fesshole.bsky.social · 18h

Until very recently I thought belly button fluff was a bodily function and always wondered why it was different colours all the time. I'm 45 and my have 2 nurses in my family.

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fesshole 🧻 @fesshole.bsky.social · 19h

Worked at a supermarket. The manager, Cath, was absolutely vile to me. I called her "Beth" once by mistake and she went absolutely crazy, so I kept doing it. She kept threatening disciplinary action, but I kept pretending I just forgot her name. I didn't forget, Beth.

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fesshole 🧻 @fesshole.bsky.social · 20h

A bastard burgled my house while I was at work. Saw it all on my home CCTV & called the police. The police caught the burglar because he was having so much fun playing with our Golden Retriever, Daisy, that he didn't realise the cops had surrounded the place.

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fesshole 🧻 @fesshole.bsky.social · 21h

I was always forgetting the names of our elderly neighbours until I realised that it's just like saying "packet of crisps" in a very loose Glasgow accent. Their names are Pat & Chris.

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fesshole 🧻 @fesshole.bsky.social · 22h

Five years ago, car hire company hit me with a spurious cleaning fee, so I've been throwing away the wheel nut lock key of every single one I hire.

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fesshole 🧻 @fesshole.bsky.social · 23h

Bought an endoscope to look inside my ears. Didn't expect them to be full of blackheads. Why didn't anyone tell me?

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fesshole 🧻 @fesshole.bsky.social · 23h

Call centre worker here. I record a tally when the customer, before providing their email address, state 'all in lower case'. No Doreen, your email address is case-insensitive. Highest count in a day is 24. We need to educating the UK public.

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