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esham.io
Ben
@esham.io
50 followers 120 following 51 posts
He/him

Mastodon: https://functional.cafe/@bde
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Reposted by Ben
unenthusiast.com
w/ alt-txt
STATEMENT FROM MATT MOBERG, CHAPLAIN OF THE MINNESOTA TIMBERWOLVES IF YOU'RE A CHURCH POSTING PRAYERS FOR PEACE AND UNITY TODAY WHILE MY CITY BLEEDS IN THE STREET. MISS ME WITH THAT SOFTNESS YOU ONLY WEAR WHEN IT COSTS YOU NOTHING. DON'T DRESS AVOIDANCE UP AS HOLINESS. DON'T CALL SILENCE "PEACEMAKING." DON'T LIGHT A CANDLE AND THINK IT SUBSTITUTES FOR SHOWING UP. TONIGHT AN ICE AGENT TOOK A PHOTO OF ME NEXT TO MY CAR, LOOKED ME IN THE EYE AND TOLD ME, "WE'LL BE SEEING YOU SOON." NOT METAPHOR. NOT HYPERBOLE. A THREAT DRESSED UP IN A BADGE AND A PAYCHECK. PEACE ISN'T WHAT YOU ASK FOR WHEN THE BOOT IS ALREADY ON SOMEONE'S NECK. PEACE IS WHAT THE POWERFUL ASK FOR WHEN THEY DON'T WANT TO BE INTERRUPTED. UNITY ISN'T NEUTRAL. UNITY THAT REFUSES TO NAME VIOLENCE IS JUST LOYALTY TO THE ONES HOLDING THE WEAPONS. STOP USING SCRIPTURE LIKE CHLOROFORM. STOP CALLING YOUR FEAR "WISDOM." STOP PRETENDING JESUS WAS CRUCIFIED BECAUSE HE PREACHED GOOD VIBES AND PERSONAL GROWTH. YOU DON'T GET TO QUOTE SCRIPTURE LIKE A LULLABY, WHILE INJUSTICE STAYS WIDE AWAKE. YOU DON'T GET TO ASK GOD TO "HEAL THE LAND" IF YOU WON'T EVEN LOOK AT THE WOUND. THERE IS A KIND OF PEACE THAT ONLY EXISTS BECAUSE IT REFUSES TO TELL THE TRUTH. THAT PEACE IS A LIE. AND LIES DON'T GROW ANYTHING WORTH SAVING. THE SCRIPTURES YOU LOVE WEREN'T WRITTEN TO KEEP THINGS CALM. THEY WERE WRITTEN TO SET THINGS RIGHT. AND SOMETIMES THE MOST FAITHFUL THING YOU CAN DO IS STOP PRAYING AROUND THE PAIN AND START STANDING INSIDE IT. IF THAT MAKES YOU UNCOMFORTABLE-GOOD. GROWTH ALWAYS IS.
January 25, 2026 at 10:52 PM
esham.io
Original Gangster

Imitation Gangster

Gangster Naturally Flavored With Other Natural Flavors
January 1, 2026 at 1:42 AM
esham.io
I’m glad someone is finally saying this
December 21, 2025 at 3:50 PM
Reposted by Ben
brendelbored.bsky.social
Every state in the United States has a disgusting soda that only they know about and that’s kind of beautiful
December 14, 2025 at 2:39 AM
esham.io
they’re good dogs brent
December 8, 2025 at 3:08 AM
esham.io
you’re probably right. I don’t actually know rust!
December 7, 2025 at 9:28 PM
esham.io
well, at least it doesn’t use unsafe,
December 7, 2025 at 9:17 PM
esham.io
ME AT 7: Only three more sleeps til Christmas! 😃🤩😊

ME AT 37: Only three more therapy appointments til Christmas 😬
December 6, 2025 at 9:05 PM
esham.io
my girlfriend? oh you wouldn’t know her, she edits a different wikipedia
December 3, 2025 at 10:03 PM
esham.io
CHRISTIANS: Make a jofyful noise unto the Lord ☺️

THE LORD: [receiving millions of joyful noises simultaneously] AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaa
December 3, 2025 at 12:36 AM
esham.io
Workshopping a baking competition show called Petit Fours, Grand Larceny
November 30, 2025 at 7:20 PM
esham.io
Wednesday with Friday Characteristics
November 26, 2025 at 3:18 PM
Reposted by Ben
jeannedsnark.bsky.social
The moo deng fandom is dying. Reskeet if youre a *real* dengist
The pygmy hippo, moo deng, covered in grass clippings and hunting for the blood of the innocent
November 25, 2025 at 5:22 PM
esham.io
wow, thanks for recommending this. one quick question; what the FUCK
November 11, 2025 at 1:59 AM
esham.io
the guardian gave it zero stars on a scale of one to five
November 7, 2025 at 1:50 AM
esham.io
It looks like it starts with an exhibit/epigraph, too. Is that also unusual for a ruling?
September 30, 2025 at 5:14 PM
esham.io
I can’t tell what that shirt is made out of. Chambray?
September 18, 2025 at 11:52 PM
Reposted by Ben
ceej.online
people only become left handed if the mirror baby crawls out when nobody is looking and pushes the normal baby into the mirror dimension. it’s a sign of bad parenting
April 27, 2025 at 1:13 AM
esham.io
[eighteen years later]

Brand: We’ve Updated Our Terms And Our Privacy Policy
September 14, 2025 at 6:05 PM
esham.io
what rough beast, its hour come round at last, slouch— oh wait, that’s just the dog. haha, I thought you were downstairs, buddy!
September 10, 2025 at 6:35 PM
Reposted by Ben
frovo.bsky.social
ME: if an apple a day keeps the doctor away then 365 apples in one day should keep them away for a whole year

DR: *pumping my stomach* yeah that’s a common misunderstanding
September 10, 2025 at 3:05 PM
esham.io
“2 Faust 2 Furious” was right there, but ok
Faust, Part Two Faust: The Second Part of the Tragedy (German: Faust. Der Tragödie zweiter Teil in fünf Akten.) is the second part of the tragic play Faust by Johann Wolfgang von Goethe. It was published in 1832, the year of Goethe's death.
August 23, 2025 at 6:46 PM
esham.io
It’s such a bizarre thing to say that I can’t *not* read it as a weird euphemism.
August 21, 2025 at 5:23 PM
esham.io
I don’t mean to discourage anyone from writing more! I just don’t want RSS and Atom to go away 😅
August 20, 2025 at 3:05 PM
esham.io
Yeah, very fair point. And most people *want* to be able to favorite posts, or reply to them, or repost them! RSS/Atom is the right trade-off for me as a blogger with a small audience, but it is still a trade-off.
August 20, 2025 at 2:52 PM