Pinned
Crab Man
@crabman.bsky.social
· Feb 4
.... .... .... .... .... .... .
If a bruh moment ever happens to me I'm giving up forever. I'm done.
November 29, 2025 at 10:29 AM
If a bruh moment ever happens to me I'm giving up forever. I'm done.
My girl always complains that I finish too quickly in the bedroom. But like, that's literally the best part?
November 29, 2025 at 6:52 AM
My girl always complains that I finish too quickly in the bedroom. But like, that's literally the best part?
Reposted by Crab Man
im going virile. And the many children born of me as a result will like all my posts
November 28, 2025 at 11:15 PM
im going virile. And the many children born of me as a result will like all my posts
My father, my father's father, my father's father's father, all killed by falling anvils.
November 28, 2025 at 11:44 PM
My father, my father's father, my father's father's father, all killed by falling anvils.
Reposted by Crab Man
today is to american thanksgiving as the day after christmas is to christmas
November 28, 2025 at 10:58 PM
today is to american thanksgiving as the day after christmas is to christmas
Reposted by Crab Man
i’ve sat on the couch several times in my life. and possibly more
November 28, 2025 at 9:18 PM
i’ve sat on the couch several times in my life. and possibly more
Reposted by Crab Man
My favourite cold weather comfort food is gube. I shouldn't touch the stuff but oh one little big bite can't hurt, right
November 28, 2025 at 9:21 PM
My favourite cold weather comfort food is gube. I shouldn't touch the stuff but oh one little big bite can't hurt, right
Me: and I don't think its shame, or guilt. I think it is genuine self-hatred, or at least acknowledgement, that my anhedonic depression is meaningless. It's an infinitesimal speck in an unfathomable universe.
Noodle Man: for sure, I had an idea for a cool new name for our galaxy: Noodle Galaxy.
Noodle Man: for sure, I had an idea for a cool new name for our galaxy: Noodle Galaxy.
November 28, 2025 at 10:33 AM
Me: and I don't think its shame, or guilt. I think it is genuine self-hatred, or at least acknowledgement, that my anhedonic depression is meaningless. It's an infinitesimal speck in an unfathomable universe.
Noodle Man: for sure, I had an idea for a cool new name for our galaxy: Noodle Galaxy.
Noodle Man: for sure, I had an idea for a cool new name for our galaxy: Noodle Galaxy.
There was a Michael Jackson impersonator at my 8th grade dance. Not a joke. Not sure why he was there.
November 28, 2025 at 9:38 AM
There was a Michael Jackson impersonator at my 8th grade dance. Not a joke. Not sure why he was there.
I know one day this non-alcoholic sparkling fruit juice is gonna kill me.
November 28, 2025 at 7:55 AM
I know one day this non-alcoholic sparkling fruit juice is gonna kill me.
Reposted by Crab Man
are crab man and snakeroot best friends or enemies i can never tell
November 28, 2025 at 6:52 AM
are crab man and snakeroot best friends or enemies i can never tell
Reposted by Crab Man
Watch your back Crab Man
November 28, 2025 at 6:42 AM
Watch your back Crab Man
The Generous Conniver has secretly placed a 100$ bill under your pillow.
November 28, 2025 at 2:17 AM
The Generous Conniver has secretly placed a 100$ bill under your pillow.
(At night)
I feel like you don't hear much about the sun anymore.
I feel like you don't hear much about the sun anymore.
November 28, 2025 at 12:06 AM
(At night)
I feel like you don't hear much about the sun anymore.
I feel like you don't hear much about the sun anymore.
I am thankful for terrific fun. I love having that.
November 27, 2025 at 8:45 PM
I am thankful for terrific fun. I love having that.
Reposted by Crab Man
Snakeroot just came up with the funniest thing to put in the greatest post of all time, but sadly we can't use it. It was so good though.
November 27, 2025 at 10:12 AM
Snakeroot just came up with the funniest thing to put in the greatest post of all time, but sadly we can't use it. It was so good though.
Police Detective: I'm gonna ask you one last time, and I expect you to answer me! Where were you on the night of August 9th?
Mime: I keep telling you, I didn't see anything! I wasn't even there!
Mime: I keep telling you, I didn't see anything! I wasn't even there!
November 27, 2025 at 2:44 AM
Police Detective: I'm gonna ask you one last time, and I expect you to answer me! Where were you on the night of August 9th?
Mime: I keep telling you, I didn't see anything! I wasn't even there!
Mime: I keep telling you, I didn't see anything! I wasn't even there!
Reposted by Crab Man
As far back as i can remember I always wanted to be president of an HOA. To me, Being president of an HOA was better than being President of the United States
November 27, 2025 at 12:07 AM
As far back as i can remember I always wanted to be president of an HOA. To me, Being president of an HOA was better than being President of the United States
Reposted by Crab Man
Everybody knows it's chips for dinner on the night before the Thanksgiving feast
November 26, 2025 at 10:39 PM
Everybody knows it's chips for dinner on the night before the Thanksgiving feast
I just came up with an amazing twist to add into the greatest post of all time.
November 26, 2025 at 9:54 PM
I just came up with an amazing twist to add into the greatest post of all time.
Shout out to some of you. Feel free to @ someone and link this post to them if you want it to feel like I'm shouting them out.
November 26, 2025 at 9:25 PM
Shout out to some of you. Feel free to @ someone and link this post to them if you want it to feel like I'm shouting them out.
Reposted by Crab Man
door dash guy pulled up with one billion women all partying in his car and he just keeps waving his bottle of ciroc at me and yelling "WOOOOO! WOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" while thousands of babes perpetually cascade out of his windows
November 26, 2025 at 9:17 PM
door dash guy pulled up with one billion women all partying in his car and he just keeps waving his bottle of ciroc at me and yelling "WOOOOO! WOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" while thousands of babes perpetually cascade out of his windows