Wilder Newyear
@wildernewyear.bsky.social
He/Him. Everyone's seventh or eighth favorite Waukegan resident. I do something with business software for a living, and like to pretend I'm a voice actor too. Expect Wrestling, Magic: the Gathering, and Chicago Sports. I'm not the Thai BL Drama actor
Reposted by Wilder Newyear
The single most cursed bit of knowledge I've come across during my career is that Slot Machine Tournaments are not only A Thing That Exists, but are prevalent enough that multiple companies account for them in their sales software.
February 3, 2026 at 3:05 AM
The single most cursed bit of knowledge I've come across during my career is that Slot Machine Tournaments are not only A Thing That Exists, but are prevalent enough that multiple companies account for them in their sales software.
Three of them are easy: the Norwegian and German branches were pre-WWI immigrants and the Slovenians were fleeing the collapse of the Australian empire.
Then there's the Bryans, who were exiled to the states due to infighting among the Tudors. At least Grampy Francis had a cool eye patch.
Then there's the Bryans, who were exiled to the states due to infighting among the Tudors. At least Grampy Francis had a cool eye patch.
February 3, 2026 at 12:58 AM
Three of them are easy: the Norwegian and German branches were pre-WWI immigrants and the Slovenians were fleeing the collapse of the Australian empire.
Then there's the Bryans, who were exiled to the states due to infighting among the Tudors. At least Grampy Francis had a cool eye patch.
Then there's the Bryans, who were exiled to the states due to infighting among the Tudors. At least Grampy Francis had a cool eye patch.
Come on, WotC. Leave the satire to the professionals.
Prints Charming just dropped in Secret Lair's Chaos Vault, with a twist! This time, you’re going to see a lot of the same drop at a lot of different prices. This is very much on purpose; we promise!
More details here: magic.wizards.com/en/news/anno...
More details here: magic.wizards.com/en/news/anno...
February 2, 2026 at 6:34 PM
Come on, WotC. Leave the satire to the professionals.
Out: Pulling a groundhog out of a cage every year to try and predict the weather.
In: Pulling Jeb Bush out of retirement every year to try and get a crowd to clap.
In: Pulling Jeb Bush out of retirement every year to try and get a crowd to clap.
February 2, 2026 at 3:40 PM
Out: Pulling a groundhog out of a cage every year to try and predict the weather.
In: Pulling Jeb Bush out of retirement every year to try and get a crowd to clap.
In: Pulling Jeb Bush out of retirement every year to try and get a crowd to clap.
On one hand, this is a bigger Opp than Samoa Joe. On the other, I believe in our ability to chase Jack off a THIRD platform he made.
February 1, 2026 at 11:43 PM
On one hand, this is a bigger Opp than Samoa Joe. On the other, I believe in our ability to chase Jack off a THIRD platform he made.
Reposted by Wilder Newyear
FBI official doesn't know where Wisconsin is, per Epstein release.
"I just googled because I really didnt know lol. Looks northwest of Chicago"
"I just googled because I really didnt know lol. Looks northwest of Chicago"
February 1, 2026 at 6:10 PM
FBI official doesn't know where Wisconsin is, per Epstein release.
"I just googled because I really didnt know lol. Looks northwest of Chicago"
"I just googled because I really didnt know lol. Looks northwest of Chicago"
Five Courses you took in College:
Metaphysics*
Cryptography
Theory of Computation*
Intro to Writing Fiction
Combinatorics
*These were the same semester. I wrote my final paper on Turing.
Metaphysics*
Cryptography
Theory of Computation*
Intro to Writing Fiction
Combinatorics
*These were the same semester. I wrote my final paper on Turing.
Film History
Audio Production
Sociology
Macroeconomics
Post-Civil War American History
Audio Production
Sociology
Macroeconomics
Post-Civil War American History
Never mind the jobs you had, tell me five classes you took in college.
Geography of the developing world
Latin American politics
History of the Mexican Revolution
Urban politics
Various political theory and econ classes
Geography of the developing world
Latin American politics
History of the Mexican Revolution
Urban politics
Various political theory and econ classes
January 31, 2026 at 2:05 AM
Five Courses you took in College:
Metaphysics*
Cryptography
Theory of Computation*
Intro to Writing Fiction
Combinatorics
*These were the same semester. I wrote my final paper on Turing.
Metaphysics*
Cryptography
Theory of Computation*
Intro to Writing Fiction
Combinatorics
*These were the same semester. I wrote my final paper on Turing.
Reposted by Wilder Newyear
“Our ideal recruit is a moron nobody likes with an inferiority complex who recklessly escalates every situation they’re in. Tell me you haven’t seen at least one of those at your LGS.”
Untapped Mountain Only Justification ICE Agent Needs | Commander's Herald
Our ideal recruit is a moron nobody likes who recklessly escalates every situation they're in. Tell me you haven't seen at least one of those at your LGS.
commandersherald.com
January 30, 2026 at 4:59 PM
“Our ideal recruit is a moron nobody likes with an inferiority complex who recklessly escalates every situation they’re in. Tell me you haven’t seen at least one of those at your LGS.”
Reposted by Wilder Newyear
You know this has to be satire, because the investor class isn't impressed by the shiny new object.
My latest at Commander's Herald:
commandersherald.com/litigious-sh...
My latest at Commander's Herald:
commandersherald.com/litigious-sh...
Litigious Shareholders Unmoved by Offer To Turn Favorite IPs into UB sets | Commander's Herald
PROVIDENCE, RI — Late in January, a group of Hasbro shareholders sued the company, alleging that Hasbro had been overprinting Magic: the Gathering sets to hide losses elsewhere in the company. Since t...
commandersherald.com
January 29, 2026 at 5:26 PM
You know this has to be satire, because the investor class isn't impressed by the shiny new object.
My latest at Commander's Herald:
commandersherald.com/litigious-sh...
My latest at Commander's Herald:
commandersherald.com/litigious-sh...
Reposted by Wilder Newyear
friend of mine is an undocumented immigrant and has been hiding in Melania theaters bc he knows people assume no one is in there
January 29, 2026 at 9:34 PM
friend of mine is an undocumented immigrant and has been hiding in Melania theaters bc he knows people assume no one is in there
Angie, honey, I know you're in love, but I beg of you to look into what Hugh did as NXT Trainer back in 2015. 🤼
January 29, 2026 at 6:47 PM
Angie, honey, I know you're in love, but I beg of you to look into what Hugh did as NXT Trainer back in 2015. 🤼
You know this has to be satire, because the investor class isn't impressed by the shiny new object.
My latest at Commander's Herald:
commandersherald.com/litigious-sh...
My latest at Commander's Herald:
commandersherald.com/litigious-sh...
Litigious Shareholders Unmoved by Offer To Turn Favorite IPs into UB sets | Commander's Herald
PROVIDENCE, RI — Late in January, a group of Hasbro shareholders sued the company, alleging that Hasbro had been overprinting Magic: the Gathering sets to hide losses elsewhere in the company. Since t...
commandersherald.com
January 29, 2026 at 5:26 PM
You know this has to be satire, because the investor class isn't impressed by the shiny new object.
My latest at Commander's Herald:
commandersherald.com/litigious-sh...
My latest at Commander's Herald:
commandersherald.com/litigious-sh...
Reposted by Wilder Newyear
Reposted by Wilder Newyear
We are just one effect simulating the Laplace Transform away from a Zimone deck being able to break standard encryption.
This is some of the dumbest text I've ever seen on a card and I absolutely love it. Magic needs to be dumber.
January 27, 2026 at 6:38 PM
We are just one effect simulating the Laplace Transform away from a Zimone deck being able to break standard encryption.
Reposted by Wilder Newyear
"I swear to God if those bastards at IDW are trying to pull some Penders bullshit, I’m going to lose my goddamn mind! I knew letting Lanolin the Sheep fly was a mistake! I want Ian Flynn’s head on a pike NOW!”
Second Round of Sonic The Hedgehog Secret Lair Draws Fire for Being Entirely Fan OC's | Commander's Herald
Who the hell is Gexby and why isn't it Rouge the Bat? Hell, I'd have settled for Honey the Cat. But this is just absurd.
commandersherald.com
January 27, 2026 at 5:05 PM
"I swear to God if those bastards at IDW are trying to pull some Penders bullshit, I’m going to lose my goddamn mind! I knew letting Lanolin the Sheep fly was a mistake! I want Ian Flynn’s head on a pike NOW!”
Yes, fire Noem and fire Stephen Miller. But while we're at it, go ahead and fire Rahm Emmanuel too. There's no reason the guy who was tied to a police-led black site facility should have any prominence in national politics on either side of the aisle.
January 27, 2026 at 3:46 PM
Yes, fire Noem and fire Stephen Miller. But while we're at it, go ahead and fire Rahm Emmanuel too. There's no reason the guy who was tied to a police-led black site facility should have any prominence in national politics on either side of the aisle.
Reposted by Wilder Newyear
A reminder to all the Pokemon players out there that Shiny mechanics don't always translate across games. Especially the paper TCG.
The latest from Commander Herald is out now.
The latest from Commander Herald is out now.
“He just kept tossing the packs that didn’t have a foil and saying he was ‘increasing his chain’. No one could get in or out until he pulled one after 40 attempts. The shop still smells like curry from his foil hunting experiments last weekend.”
Pokemon Shiny Hunter Unsure How To Raise Foil Card Odds | Commander's Herald
GURNEE, IL — A fervor has fallen over local game store Riverside Comics and Games, as local Pokemon Shiny Hunter and newfound TCG collector Miguel Norton had gone to extraordinary lengths to try and o...
commandersherald.com
January 26, 2026 at 5:15 PM
A reminder to all the Pokemon players out there that Shiny mechanics don't always translate across games. Especially the paper TCG.
The latest from Commander Herald is out now.
The latest from Commander Herald is out now.
A reminder to all the Pokemon players out there that Shiny mechanics don't always translate across games. Especially the paper TCG.
The latest from Commander Herald is out now.
The latest from Commander Herald is out now.
“He just kept tossing the packs that didn’t have a foil and saying he was ‘increasing his chain’. No one could get in or out until he pulled one after 40 attempts. The shop still smells like curry from his foil hunting experiments last weekend.”
Pokemon Shiny Hunter Unsure How To Raise Foil Card Odds | Commander's Herald
GURNEE, IL — A fervor has fallen over local game store Riverside Comics and Games, as local Pokemon Shiny Hunter and newfound TCG collector Miguel Norton had gone to extraordinary lengths to try and o...
commandersherald.com
January 26, 2026 at 5:15 PM
A reminder to all the Pokemon players out there that Shiny mechanics don't always translate across games. Especially the paper TCG.
The latest from Commander Herald is out now.
The latest from Commander Herald is out now.
Reposted by Wilder Newyear
The only president to keep the Patriots out of the Super Bowl this century? Joe Biden
January 25, 2026 at 11:00 PM
The only president to keep the Patriots out of the Super Bowl this century? Joe Biden
"Okay, I'm going to play Flagstones of Trokair for turn, then remove Simian Spirit Guide to cast Boom."
~ Words a 2007 me said often
~ Words a 2007 me said often
January 25, 2026 at 10:50 PM
"Okay, I'm going to play Flagstones of Trokair for turn, then remove Simian Spirit Guide to cast Boom."
~ Words a 2007 me said often
~ Words a 2007 me said often
Reposted by Wilder Newyear
New article is live right now! I had a ton of fun writing this one. Enjoy 😘
commandersherald.com/are-you-comp...
commandersherald.com/are-you-comp...
Are You Competitive Or Just Sexually Frustrated? The Answer May Not Surprise You | Commander's Herald
Could it be that part of your hyper-competitive streak is hiding something a bit more.. primal? If so, I see you. But don't worry; your secret is safe with me.
commandersherald.com
January 23, 2026 at 5:09 PM
New article is live right now! I had a ton of fun writing this one. Enjoy 😘
commandersherald.com/are-you-comp...
commandersherald.com/are-you-comp...
First Strike Friday!
And remember, it has Banding.
And remember, it has Banding.
January 23, 2026 at 4:43 PM
First Strike Friday!
And remember, it has Banding.
And remember, it has Banding.
I've always wanted a full on pomp-and-circumstance pro-wrestling PPV style Magic event. Ring Announcers, Entrance Themes, Titantron, the works!
if you could do anything at a commander and casual focused magic event, what would you do?
events/formats are cool, but if you could do *anything* what would it be?
(pls reskeet because i want to see something)
events/formats are cool, but if you could do *anything* what would it be?
(pls reskeet because i want to see something)
January 22, 2026 at 11:13 PM
I've always wanted a full on pomp-and-circumstance pro-wrestling PPV style Magic event. Ring Announcers, Entrance Themes, Titantron, the works!