Tearing them in half to put butter or ham or fuck it butter and ham in them? That's the prep work, right?

My meddling isn't going to add anything of value to the perfection. I exist to remove the wrapping, that's it

You're an insightful guy, TAPE. Good reads

I hope he skips his retirement party

Post-preppyism

It's not a planet-destroying laser, it's the light of His love

The pumpkin pies are $6. The equally awesome pecan pies are unfortunately $17

She looks like she got Annoying Orange'd

Strong disagree. Servicemembers receive a briefing on this topic yearly. Knowing that somebody has your back is good. My son-in-law has been on travel restriction standby for months, possibly due to being assigned to occupy a U.S. city. Which is wild. And wrong. And insane.

"It's the Subaru with with the roof rac-Shit. It's the Subaru with hiking and national parks sticke-Damnit."

I wouldn't know, because someone refuses to sell sandwiches as promised!

But today is the big test/sales pitch/court case!

They say there is a dragon west of Ghazni who causes all the earthquakes there, and every morning that dragon spits out the gem of the sun before catching it again at dusk.

Should we have sent your team in to deal with that dragon bud? No? Why? They said it was true...