Toby 🇵🇸
@tobestewart.bsky.social
Somethng s mssng from your lfe
bsky.app/profile/did:plc:sdkxyw2r7xlx5kjhsolgagv6/feed/aaajpevonw36e
bsky.app/profile/did:plc:sdkxyw2r7xlx5kjhsolgagv6/feed/aaajpevonw36e
Pinned
Toby 🇵🇸
@tobestewart.bsky.social
· Nov 21
If this app doesn’t work I’m going back to ruining my life locally
One of the best things about being British is peacefully electing a new King
November 17, 2025 at 6:17 PM
One of the best things about being British is peacefully electing a new King
I’m thinking about getting a dog. Anything would be better than this honey badger
November 17, 2025 at 5:50 PM
I’m thinking about getting a dog. Anything would be better than this honey badger
Reposted by Toby 🇵🇸
waiter: can I take your order?
me: you haven’t even brought it yet
me: you haven’t even brought it yet
November 17, 2025 at 2:50 PM
waiter: can I take your order?
me: you haven’t even brought it yet
me: you haven’t even brought it yet
Could someone please explain to my landlord that a gimp is NOT a pet?
November 17, 2025 at 6:32 AM
Could someone please explain to my landlord that a gimp is NOT a pet?
Everything I learn about sport is against my will
November 17, 2025 at 6:26 AM
Everything I learn about sport is against my will
I pray all the time, but only because God likes to talk about cake
November 16, 2025 at 7:42 AM
I pray all the time, but only because God likes to talk about cake
Just imagine if all the monotheistic faiths were worshipping the same god? How embarrassing would that be?
November 16, 2025 at 7:18 AM
Just imagine if all the monotheistic faiths were worshipping the same god? How embarrassing would that be?
I try to make my posts generic to appeal to all three of you
November 16, 2025 at 7:14 AM
I try to make my posts generic to appeal to all three of you
As an accomplished writer, I know all about the beginning and the middle
November 16, 2025 at 7:08 AM
As an accomplished writer, I know all about the beginning and the middle
I keep shouting, “IT WAS ALL JUST A DREAM”, but it isn’t working
November 15, 2025 at 7:43 AM
I keep shouting, “IT WAS ALL JUST A DREAM”, but it isn’t working
Only now hearing that the secret to social media success is “engaging with your followers” and I am livid
November 15, 2025 at 7:40 AM
Only now hearing that the secret to social media success is “engaging with your followers” and I am livid
Some talented, creative, and handsome Bluesky accounts berate their followers for stupid replies, but not me
November 15, 2025 at 7:37 AM
Some talented, creative, and handsome Bluesky accounts berate their followers for stupid replies, but not me
As a former alcoholic, I’m starting to feel really bad about the way we treat grapes
November 15, 2025 at 7:34 AM
As a former alcoholic, I’m starting to feel really bad about the way we treat grapes
The inventor of prayer books:
“Not only is prayer free, but people think you're trying to help: win/win”
“Not only is prayer free, but people think you're trying to help: win/win”
November 13, 2025 at 7:28 PM
The inventor of prayer books:
“Not only is prayer free, but people think you're trying to help: win/win”
“Not only is prayer free, but people think you're trying to help: win/win”
The vicar says he knows I’m singing my tweets
November 13, 2025 at 6:57 PM
The vicar says he knows I’m singing my tweets
Me: *waking up*
Sir David Attenborough, filming from my wardrobe: “Nobody knows why the adult males live so long”
Sir David Attenborough, filming from my wardrobe: “Nobody knows why the adult males live so long”
November 13, 2025 at 6:54 PM
Me: *waking up*
Sir David Attenborough, filming from my wardrobe: “Nobody knows why the adult males live so long”
Sir David Attenborough, filming from my wardrobe: “Nobody knows why the adult males live so long”
Reposted by Toby 🇵🇸
when people say what if there are prominent dems in the epstein files
November 12, 2025 at 10:37 PM
when people say what if there are prominent dems in the epstein files
The Father: “I”
The Son: “Am”
The Holy Ghost: “The”
The Father “One”
The Son: “True”
The Holy Ghost: “God”
Allah: “You guys crack me up!”
The Son: “Am”
The Holy Ghost: “The”
The Father “One”
The Son: “True”
The Holy Ghost: “God”
Allah: “You guys crack me up!”
November 12, 2025 at 9:44 PM
The Father: “I”
The Son: “Am”
The Holy Ghost: “The”
The Father “One”
The Son: “True”
The Holy Ghost: “God”
Allah: “You guys crack me up!”
The Son: “Am”
The Holy Ghost: “The”
The Father “One”
The Son: “True”
The Holy Ghost: “God”
Allah: “You guys crack me up!”
Do NOT be true to yourself. The truth hurts
November 12, 2025 at 9:06 PM
Do NOT be true to yourself. The truth hurts
Yo @revatlarge.bsky.social! I’m not sure how long you’ve got, so I’m typing this quickly
November 12, 2025 at 8:08 PM
Yo @revatlarge.bsky.social! I’m not sure how long you’ve got, so I’m typing this quickly
STAND BACK! My pithy wit will protect us!
November 12, 2025 at 6:27 PM
STAND BACK! My pithy wit will protect us!
People seem really nice until they get to know me
November 12, 2025 at 5:40 PM
People seem really nice until they get to know me
Now my critics are complaining my plans to take a break from social media don’t go far enough
November 12, 2025 at 6:46 AM
Now my critics are complaining my plans to take a break from social media don’t go far enough
As a dad, it’s my job to get the lyrics to rock classics slightly wrong
November 10, 2025 at 8:30 PM
As a dad, it’s my job to get the lyrics to rock classics slightly wrong
The newlyweds next-door are really bad at arguing. They both just keep shouting “YES”
November 10, 2025 at 7:54 AM
The newlyweds next-door are really bad at arguing. They both just keep shouting “YES”