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tobestewart.bsky.social
Toby 🇵🇸
@tobestewart.bsky.social
7.5K followers 290 following 2.7K posts
Somethng s mssng from your lfe bsky.app/profile/did:plc:sdkxyw2r7xlx5kjhsolgagv6/feed/aaajpevonw36e
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tobestewart.bsky.social
Toby 🇵🇸 @tobestewart.bsky.social · Nov 21
If this app doesn’t work I’m going back to ruining my life locally
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tobestewart.bsky.social
Toby 🇵🇸 @tobestewart.bsky.social · 1h
Me: [*explaining that, technically, the Christian god is both a motherfucker AND a bastard*]

Youth pastor: “How old did you say you were?”
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tobestewart.bsky.social
Toby 🇵🇸 @tobestewart.bsky.social · 1h
[Ancient Rome]

Soothsayer: *waving hands over a bowl of entrails*

Caesar: “What does the future hold?”

Soothsayer: “Hmm... do you like salad?”
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tobestewart.bsky.social
Toby 🇵🇸 @tobestewart.bsky.social · 14h
People sometimes ask how I manage to get my Bluesky account to perform so badly, with so many followers. Well, it’s taken years of trial and error
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Toby 🇵🇸 @tobestewart.bsky.social · 1d
My ears are ringing (but I’m not taking calls)
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Toby 🇵🇸 @tobestewart.bsky.social · 1d
Stop! Ok! I’ve heard enough! I’m never eating kitten again
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Toby 🇵🇸 @tobestewart.bsky.social · 1d
The purest form of comedy is the dog leaving the room after you've farted. I love science
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Toby 🇵🇸 @tobestewart.bsky.social · 1d
If I’m quiet on here, it’s because I believe unsolicited advice is really just criticism
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Toby 🇵🇸 @tobestewart.bsky.social · 1d
I love numbers! I wish there were more of them
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Toby 🇵🇸 @tobestewart.bsky.social · 1d
How do left-handed scissors know?
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Toby 🇵🇸 @tobestewart.bsky.social · 1d
I rarely use the character limit on here. I like to leave space for the academics’ footnotes
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Toby 🇵🇸 @tobestewart.bsky.social · 2d
The worst thing about being in love is constantly banging my face on the mirror
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Toby 🇵🇸 @tobestewart.bsky.social · 2d
Zionists do NOT honour ceasefires, and Palestinians should NOT have to negotiate with the perpetrators of their genocide.

The UK government is complicit and continues to support and facilitate the Israeli occupation and apartheid.

We will continue to protest!
#FreePalestine
#Liverpool #Gaza
An invitation to join the weekly protest against the occupation of Palestine in Liverpool, today (12/10/25), at 2pm, starting at the Catholic cathedral and heading down, through the city centre, to the Courts
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Toby 🇵🇸 @tobestewart.bsky.social · 3d
It’s called “heckling”, Officer. Yes, I know it’s a church
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Toby 🇵🇸 @tobestewart.bsky.social · 3d
When I cross items off a list, it’s because I’ve decided not to do them
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Toby 🇵🇸 @tobestewart.bsky.social · 3d
We can’t always run away from our problems. Teach your kids to swim
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Toby 🇵🇸 @tobestewart.bsky.social · 3d
If I’m not on here writing “skeets” I’m out there doing them
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tobestewart.bsky.social
Toby 🇵🇸 @tobestewart.bsky.social · 3d
My name is just something people say while they’re trying not to swear
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Toby 🇵🇸 @tobestewart.bsky.social · 3d
I keep trying to subjugate the masses but they JUST. DON’T. LISTEN
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tobestewart.bsky.social
Toby 🇵🇸 @tobestewart.bsky.social · 3d
It’s the weekend! Time to sit at the other end of the couch
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Toby 🇵🇸 @tobestewart.bsky.social · 3d
Scientists are hard at work trying to create a “nano-bucket” small enough to hold my humility
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Toby 🇵🇸 @tobestewart.bsky.social · 5d
[*composing a post*]

“This must be how Jesus felt when He was writing The Bible”
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Toby 🇵🇸 @tobestewart.bsky.social · 5d
Tired of actually helping? Try prayer
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Toby 🇵🇸 @tobestewart.bsky.social · 5d
Thought I’d gone blind but then remembered I’ve never been able to see through my nipples
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tobestewart.bsky.social
Toby 🇵🇸 @tobestewart.bsky.social · 5d
[Designer Outlet]

Me: "You know everything has been 'designed', right?"

Manager: *nervous glance to camera*

Me: "-BY JESUS"
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Toby 🇵🇸 @tobestewart.bsky.social · 5d
Coincidences can be freaky! That’s the fourth bar of soap to hit me today
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