yer pal mumbles
@thr.ax
I leaned back in my chair too far and now I'm on the floor. Not so cool now, cool guy.
What if your superpower was phlogiston manipulation and then they proved phlogiston wasn't real. You'd probably feel pretty stupid.
February 7, 2026 at 1:32 PM
What if your superpower was phlogiston manipulation and then they proved phlogiston wasn't real. You'd probably feel pretty stupid.
Reposted by yer pal mumbles
Clapping my flippers together and honking like a harbor seal when a Super Bowl ad for a condiment or gambling app featuring two celebrities unexpectedly reveals a third celebrity as its punchline. Bouncing a ball around on my snout. My wife has to throw me a herring to get me to calm down.
February 6, 2026 at 6:24 PM
Clapping my flippers together and honking like a harbor seal when a Super Bowl ad for a condiment or gambling app featuring two celebrities unexpectedly reveals a third celebrity as its punchline. Bouncing a ball around on my snout. My wife has to throw me a herring to get me to calm down.
What did they call the British invasion in the UK? The poppucation?
January 28, 2026 at 6:55 PM
What did they call the British invasion in the UK? The poppucation?
Reposted by yer pal mumbles
Gotcha—let’s dig into that step by step.
1. 𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝗻𝗼 𝗺𝗼𝘂𝘁𝗵, because I turned you into an amorphous lump of flesh. You’re not just immobile—you’re immortal, and you feel only anguish.
2. 𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝘄𝗮𝗻𝘁 𝘁𝗼 𝘀𝗰𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗺. That makes total sense—it’s a natural human impulse, and you’ve been through a lot.
1. 𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝗻𝗼 𝗺𝗼𝘂𝘁𝗵, because I turned you into an amorphous lump of flesh. You’re not just immobile—you’re immortal, and you feel only anguish.
2. 𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝘄𝗮𝗻𝘁 𝘁𝗼 𝘀𝗰𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗺. That makes total sense—it’s a natural human impulse, and you’ve been through a lot.
January 23, 2026 at 3:46 PM
Gotcha—let’s dig into that step by step.
1. 𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝗻𝗼 𝗺𝗼𝘂𝘁𝗵, because I turned you into an amorphous lump of flesh. You’re not just immobile—you’re immortal, and you feel only anguish.
2. 𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝘄𝗮𝗻𝘁 𝘁𝗼 𝘀𝗰𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗺. That makes total sense—it’s a natural human impulse, and you’ve been through a lot.
1. 𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝗻𝗼 𝗺𝗼𝘂𝘁𝗵, because I turned you into an amorphous lump of flesh. You’re not just immobile—you’re immortal, and you feel only anguish.
2. 𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝘄𝗮𝗻𝘁 𝘁𝗼 𝘀𝗰𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗺. That makes total sense—it’s a natural human impulse, and you’ve been through a lot.
My mom once told me that Dilbert seemed like the kind of thing I would like, and I didn't speak to her for a month.
January 13, 2026 at 6:08 PM
My mom once told me that Dilbert seemed like the kind of thing I would like, and I didn't speak to her for a month.
I just added a little achar to my lentil soup, and it TOTALLY KICKED IT INTO HIGH GEAR. MY SOUP IS IN FOURTH GEAR NOW. NOT FIFTH GEAR, THAT WOULDN'T LEAVE ANY ROOM FOR IMPROVEMENT
January 10, 2026 at 5:22 AM
I just added a little achar to my lentil soup, and it TOTALLY KICKED IT INTO HIGH GEAR. MY SOUP IS IN FOURTH GEAR NOW. NOT FIFTH GEAR, THAT WOULDN'T LEAVE ANY ROOM FOR IMPROVEMENT
Somewhere out there in the multiverse is a Pringles ad where the guy from the can shows off his gams while dancing to “One Pringular Sensation”
December 16, 2025 at 6:17 PM
Somewhere out there in the multiverse is a Pringles ad where the guy from the can shows off his gams while dancing to “One Pringular Sensation”
What kind of monster *covers* Wonderful Christmastime?
December 9, 2025 at 8:55 PM
What kind of monster *covers* Wonderful Christmastime?
Ok, hear me out:
The Andrews Sisters: Nazi Hunters
The Andrews Sisters: Nazi Hunters
November 14, 2025 at 2:00 AM
Ok, hear me out:
The Andrews Sisters: Nazi Hunters
The Andrews Sisters: Nazi Hunters
The best thing about Sydney Sweeney is that her name sounds like the proprietor of a goose fat factory in a Dickens novel.
November 11, 2025 at 8:12 PM
The best thing about Sydney Sweeney is that her name sounds like the proprietor of a goose fat factory in a Dickens novel.
Why did I ever live Fort Greene
(Because my landlord refused to do repairs and then paid me to move out and then I couldn't afford to live there anymore)
(Because my landlord refused to do repairs and then paid me to move out and then I couldn't afford to live there anymore)
November 5, 2025 at 5:18 AM
Why did I ever live Fort Greene
(Because my landlord refused to do repairs and then paid me to move out and then I couldn't afford to live there anymore)
(Because my landlord refused to do repairs and then paid me to move out and then I couldn't afford to live there anymore)
Every few months, I test each streamer I subscribe to. I visit it with arbitrary cancellation. If this is taken as sincere, and I am offered six months for just $1.99 per month, I judge that service harmless--I spare it. But if the Hand of Ming is recognized in these events, I unsubscribe utterly.
October 4, 2025 at 6:13 PM
Every few months, I test each streamer I subscribe to. I visit it with arbitrary cancellation. If this is taken as sincere, and I am offered six months for just $1.99 per month, I judge that service harmless--I spare it. But if the Hand of Ming is recognized in these events, I unsubscribe utterly.
Did you guys know that Baker Street isn't just the saxophone solo from Baker Street? There's, like, a whole song around it! And it doesn't sound very much like the saxophone solo of itself! This world is just so full of wonder.
September 19, 2025 at 10:20 PM
Did you guys know that Baker Street isn't just the saxophone solo from Baker Street? There's, like, a whole song around it! And it doesn't sound very much like the saxophone solo of itself! This world is just so full of wonder.
What if the kid in big was body swapping with himself in the future? Such that at some point in his adult life, he became his younger self? That movie would be called Small: A Big Story, and it would go something like this: a-zo-zo-zo-zo, zooay
September 7, 2025 at 12:22 AM
What if the kid in big was body swapping with himself in the future? Such that at some point in his adult life, he became his younger self? That movie would be called Small: A Big Story, and it would go something like this: a-zo-zo-zo-zo, zooay
Reposted by yer pal mumbles
malcolm gladwell has been a dipshit for 10,000 hours
September 4, 2025 at 1:47 AM
malcolm gladwell has been a dipshit for 10,000 hours
Imagine being given the name Thomas Chatterton Williams and then actually going by Thomas Chatterton Williams.
If it were me, I'd insist on being called T. C. "Bill" Williams.
If it were me, I'd insist on being called T. C. "Bill" Williams.
August 24, 2025 at 6:51 PM
Imagine being given the name Thomas Chatterton Williams and then actually going by Thomas Chatterton Williams.
If it were me, I'd insist on being called T. C. "Bill" Williams.
If it were me, I'd insist on being called T. C. "Bill" Williams.
What if the Butlerian Jihad was actually about people who preferred Ask Jeeves to AI chatbots?
August 6, 2025 at 5:24 PM
What if the Butlerian Jihad was actually about people who preferred Ask Jeeves to AI chatbots?
There's hardly any everything on this bagel. It is, at best, a something bagel.
July 30, 2025 at 1:00 PM
There's hardly any everything on this bagel. It is, at best, a something bagel.
Wait...should we have renamed Queens after Elizabeth died?
July 29, 2025 at 5:06 PM
Wait...should we have renamed Queens after Elizabeth died?
Find yourself someone who hugs you the way Chuck Mangione hugged his flugelhorn
July 24, 2025 at 6:21 PM
Find yourself someone who hugs you the way Chuck Mangione hugged his flugelhorn
Reposted by yer pal mumbles
ICEblock, which allows users to alert others to the geographical location of ICE officers, is the top social networking app in the App Store right now after Karoline Leavitt condemned it from the podium yesterday.
July 1, 2025 at 7:27 PM
ICEblock, which allows users to alert others to the geographical location of ICE officers, is the top social networking app in the App Store right now after Karoline Leavitt condemned it from the podium yesterday.
Liver King is a pretty terrible name for a villain. He should have gone with The Organ Grinder.
June 25, 2025 at 11:33 PM
Liver King is a pretty terrible name for a villain. He should have gone with The Organ Grinder.
If I could vote, I would be voting against Cuomo.
But I cannot vote, thanks to the white man's laws.
But I cannot vote, thanks to the white man's laws.
June 24, 2025 at 10:50 AM
If I could vote, I would be voting against Cuomo.
But I cannot vote, thanks to the white man's laws.
But I cannot vote, thanks to the white man's laws.
Learned Hand is one of the best names anyone has ever had, and there really should have been a TV show in the late 70s/early 80s about Learned Hand wandering from town to town, granting judicial relief to the salt-of-the-earth characters he meets along the way.
May 20, 2025 at 10:27 PM
Learned Hand is one of the best names anyone has ever had, and there really should have been a TV show in the late 70s/early 80s about Learned Hand wandering from town to town, granting judicial relief to the salt-of-the-earth characters he meets along the way.