The Daily Tism
@thedailytism.com
Satirical news by and for autistic people (poor things). Founded by Sara Gibbs & Elsa Williams; run by Sara Gibbs & Sarah Amero
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Autistic Women Oversharing Podcast:
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www.patreon.com/TheDailyTism
Autistic Women Oversharing Podcast:
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Robert Hapworth, 40, commented: “Finley’s our miracle child. Way better than the last one. I mean, what’s the point in my wife taking all that Tylenol if our kid’s not gonna be dunking on all the other toddlers?”
Autistic child prodigy absolutely dunking on his talentless sister
An autistic child prodigy has successfully learned six languages, commenced his studies at NASA and inspired middle-aged Facebook aunts everywhere – and totally owned his comparatively mediocre…
thedailytism.com
November 10, 2025 at 6:02 PM
Robert Hapworth, 40, commented: “Finley’s our miracle child. Way better than the last one. I mean, what’s the point in my wife taking all that Tylenol if our kid’s not gonna be dunking on all the other toddlers?”
Reposted by The Daily Tism
Armitage said: “Eating the last chicken strip is an act of ceremony. I need to mark the moment of bringing the meal to an end with one last triumphant sweep through the ketchup I’ve so carefully rationed out.”
Devastating! Autistic woman eats last chicken strip without savouring the moment
An autistic woman has eaten her last chicken strip without realising it was the last chicken strip, according to sources. Becky Armitage, 30, was enjoying a meal of chicken strips and chips from her…
thedailytism.com
November 10, 2025 at 2:31 PM
Armitage said: “Eating the last chicken strip is an act of ceremony. I need to mark the moment of bringing the meal to an end with one last triumphant sweep through the ketchup I’ve so carefully rationed out.”
Armitage said: “Eating the last chicken strip is an act of ceremony. I need to mark the moment of bringing the meal to an end with one last triumphant sweep through the ketchup I’ve so carefully rationed out.”
Devastating! Autistic woman eats last chicken strip without savouring the moment
An autistic woman has eaten her last chicken strip without realising it was the last chicken strip, according to sources. Becky Armitage, 30, was enjoying a meal of chicken strips and chips from her…
thedailytism.com
November 10, 2025 at 2:31 PM
Armitage said: “Eating the last chicken strip is an act of ceremony. I need to mark the moment of bringing the meal to an end with one last triumphant sweep through the ketchup I’ve so carefully rationed out.”
Reposted by The Daily Tism
An autistic woman, who was miles away and surrounded by witnesses at the time of a recent strangulation murder, still thinks the immense weight of guilt and shame crouching gargoyle-like on her soul could be related to the crime, it has been reported.
Autistic woman with alibi for murder still thinks she may have somehow committed it
An autistic woman, who was miles away and surrounded by witnesses at the time of a recent strangulation murder, still thinks the immense weight of guilt and shame crouching gargoyle-like on her soul…
thedailytism.com
November 10, 2025 at 10:01 AM
An autistic woman, who was miles away and surrounded by witnesses at the time of a recent strangulation murder, still thinks the immense weight of guilt and shame crouching gargoyle-like on her soul could be related to the crime, it has been reported.
Reposted by The Daily Tism
I wrote a thing! Because I contine to be very normal!
Lloyd Didcot, 32, took the unusual step to not carefully prepare a mental script for his coffee order last Friday and, subsequently, experienced the actual, literal torture of eternal damnation for about five minutes in his local Costa.
Autistic man neglects to plan conversation in advance, experiences literal Christian hell
An autistic man who routinely plans his conversations well in advance decided to ditch the habit of a lifetime “to see what it was like”, landing him in a Biblical underworld of Christian hell,…
thedailytism.com
November 10, 2025 at 10:14 AM
I wrote a thing! Because I contine to be very normal!
An autistic woman, who was miles away and surrounded by witnesses at the time of a recent strangulation murder, still thinks the immense weight of guilt and shame crouching gargoyle-like on her soul could be related to the crime, it has been reported.
Autistic woman with alibi for murder still thinks she may have somehow committed it
An autistic woman, who was miles away and surrounded by witnesses at the time of a recent strangulation murder, still thinks the immense weight of guilt and shame crouching gargoyle-like on her soul…
thedailytism.com
November 10, 2025 at 10:01 AM
An autistic woman, who was miles away and surrounded by witnesses at the time of a recent strangulation murder, still thinks the immense weight of guilt and shame crouching gargoyle-like on her soul could be related to the crime, it has been reported.
Reposted by The Daily Tism
Pippa Durham, 38, was looking forward to a new six-part series billed as a bodice-ripping retelling of the Dissolution of the Monasteries. However, she spotted a 20th-century doorknob in the background of one of the shots and has been livid ever since.
Autistic woman watching period drama driven to madness by inauthentic doorknobs
An autistic woman watching a period drama has been driven to distraction after catching several glimpses of a modern doorknob, it has been reported. Pippa Durham, 38, was looking forward to a new…
thedailytism.com
November 9, 2025 at 10:00 AM
Pippa Durham, 38, was looking forward to a new six-part series billed as a bodice-ripping retelling of the Dissolution of the Monasteries. However, she spotted a 20th-century doorknob in the background of one of the shots and has been livid ever since.
Reposted by The Daily Tism
Lloyd Didcot, 32, took the unusual step to not carefully prepare a mental script for his coffee order last Friday and, subsequently, experienced the actual, literal torture of eternal damnation for about five minutes in his local Costa.
Autistic man neglects to plan conversation in advance, experiences literal Christian hell
An autistic man who routinely plans his conversations well in advance decided to ditch the habit of a lifetime “to see what it was like”, landing him in a Biblical underworld of Christian hell,…
thedailytism.com
November 9, 2025 at 2:31 PM
Lloyd Didcot, 32, took the unusual step to not carefully prepare a mental script for his coffee order last Friday and, subsequently, experienced the actual, literal torture of eternal damnation for about five minutes in his local Costa.
Randhawa said: “Oh God I’m so embarrassed. I’ve overdone it, haven’t I. I’m so so sorry.”
Bake this and other exclusive articles on Patreon: www.patreon.com/posts/118532...
Bake this and other exclusive articles on Patreon: www.patreon.com/posts/118532...
November 9, 2025 at 6:01 PM
Randhawa said: “Oh God I’m so embarrassed. I’ve overdone it, haven’t I. I’m so so sorry.”
Bake this and other exclusive articles on Patreon: www.patreon.com/posts/118532...
Bake this and other exclusive articles on Patreon: www.patreon.com/posts/118532...
Lloyd Didcot, 32, took the unusual step to not carefully prepare a mental script for his coffee order last Friday and, subsequently, experienced the actual, literal torture of eternal damnation for about five minutes in his local Costa.
Autistic man neglects to plan conversation in advance, experiences literal Christian hell
An autistic man who routinely plans his conversations well in advance decided to ditch the habit of a lifetime “to see what it was like”, landing him in a Biblical underworld of Christian hell,…
thedailytism.com
November 9, 2025 at 2:31 PM
Lloyd Didcot, 32, took the unusual step to not carefully prepare a mental script for his coffee order last Friday and, subsequently, experienced the actual, literal torture of eternal damnation for about five minutes in his local Costa.
Reposted by The Daily Tism
After some careful painting on the back of an old hoodie, Emerson now bears a visual marker of her status as everyone’s hapless buttmonkey.
Life hack! Autistic woman paints target on her back to save time
An autistic woman has decided to cut out the middleman by painting a bullseye on her back so everyone knows who to target, it has been reported. Freya Emerson, 31, reportedly grew tired of people…
thedailytism.com
November 8, 2025 at 6:01 PM
After some careful painting on the back of an old hoodie, Emerson now bears a visual marker of her status as everyone’s hapless buttmonkey.
Pippa Durham, 38, was looking forward to a new six-part series billed as a bodice-ripping retelling of the Dissolution of the Monasteries. However, she spotted a 20th-century doorknob in the background of one of the shots and has been livid ever since.
Autistic woman watching period drama driven to madness by inauthentic doorknobs
An autistic woman watching a period drama has been driven to distraction after catching several glimpses of a modern doorknob, it has been reported. Pippa Durham, 38, was looking forward to a new…
thedailytism.com
November 9, 2025 at 10:00 AM
Pippa Durham, 38, was looking forward to a new six-part series billed as a bodice-ripping retelling of the Dissolution of the Monasteries. However, she spotted a 20th-century doorknob in the background of one of the shots and has been livid ever since.
After some careful painting on the back of an old hoodie, Emerson now bears a visual marker of her status as everyone’s hapless buttmonkey.
Life hack! Autistic woman paints target on her back to save time
An autistic woman has decided to cut out the middleman by painting a bullseye on her back so everyone knows who to target, it has been reported. Freya Emerson, 31, reportedly grew tired of people…
thedailytism.com
November 8, 2025 at 6:01 PM
After some careful painting on the back of an old hoodie, Emerson now bears a visual marker of her status as everyone’s hapless buttmonkey.
Reposted by The Daily Tism
An AuDHD woman is desperately trying to catch up on the last two decades of pop culture after arriving late to a fancy-dress party, eyewitnesses have claimed.
AuDHD woman both literally and figuratively late to the party
An AuDHD woman is desperately trying to catch up on the last two decades of pop culture after arriving late to a fancy-dress party, eyewitnesses have claimed. Ffiona Maw, 39, became late after giving…
thedailytism.com
November 8, 2025 at 2:30 PM
An AuDHD woman is desperately trying to catch up on the last two decades of pop culture after arriving late to a fancy-dress party, eyewitnesses have claimed.
An AuDHD woman is desperately trying to catch up on the last two decades of pop culture after arriving late to a fancy-dress party, eyewitnesses have claimed.
AuDHD woman both literally and figuratively late to the party
An AuDHD woman is desperately trying to catch up on the last two decades of pop culture after arriving late to a fancy-dress party, eyewitnesses have claimed. Ffiona Maw, 39, became late after giving…
thedailytism.com
November 8, 2025 at 2:30 PM
An AuDHD woman is desperately trying to catch up on the last two decades of pop culture after arriving late to a fancy-dress party, eyewitnesses have claimed.
Reposted by The Daily Tism
Ryan Wilkins, 40, who was captured in the dead of night by mafia goons, reportedly began spilling all his secrets, hopes, fears and a disturbing amount of detail about his first wet dream, without the idea of enhanced interrogation having even been floated.
Interrogation of autistic man “entirely unnecessary” concede captors
An autistic man kidnapped by a criminal gang will tell you anything you want to know, and also many things you don’t want to know, without being subjected to torture, his captors have revealed. Ryan…
thedailytism.com
November 8, 2025 at 10:01 AM
Ryan Wilkins, 40, who was captured in the dead of night by mafia goons, reportedly began spilling all his secrets, hopes, fears and a disturbing amount of detail about his first wet dream, without the idea of enhanced interrogation having even been floated.
Ryan Wilkins, 40, who was captured in the dead of night by mafia goons, reportedly began spilling all his secrets, hopes, fears and a disturbing amount of detail about his first wet dream, without the idea of enhanced interrogation having even been floated.
Interrogation of autistic man “entirely unnecessary” concede captors
An autistic man kidnapped by a criminal gang will tell you anything you want to know, and also many things you don’t want to know, without being subjected to torture, his captors have revealed. Ryan…
thedailytism.com
November 8, 2025 at 10:01 AM
Ryan Wilkins, 40, who was captured in the dead of night by mafia goons, reportedly began spilling all his secrets, hopes, fears and a disturbing amount of detail about his first wet dream, without the idea of enhanced interrogation having even been floated.
Reposted by The Daily Tism
An autistic person who has opted not to use alcohol as a social lubricant has reportedly discovered a new benefit to sobriety: enjoying unprecedented social success at a party full of drunk people.
Only sober person at party celebrates no longer being the worst at picking up on social cues
An autistic person who has opted not to use alcohol as a social lubricant has reportedly discovered a new benefit to sobriety: enjoying unprecedented social success at a party full of drunk people.…
thedailytism.com
November 7, 2025 at 6:04 PM
An autistic person who has opted not to use alcohol as a social lubricant has reportedly discovered a new benefit to sobriety: enjoying unprecedented social success at a party full of drunk people.
An autistic person who has opted not to use alcohol as a social lubricant has reportedly discovered a new benefit to sobriety: enjoying unprecedented social success at a party full of drunk people.
Only sober person at party celebrates no longer being the worst at picking up on social cues
An autistic person who has opted not to use alcohol as a social lubricant has reportedly discovered a new benefit to sobriety: enjoying unprecedented social success at a party full of drunk people.…
thedailytism.com
November 7, 2025 at 6:04 PM
An autistic person who has opted not to use alcohol as a social lubricant has reportedly discovered a new benefit to sobriety: enjoying unprecedented social success at a party full of drunk people.
Reposted by The Daily Tism
“I eat when I’m hungry,” Aldrich explained while consuming her 10am lunch. “And I sleep when I’m tired. Speaking of which, it’s nearly time for my afternoon nap.”
Your bedtime reading sorted over on our Patreon: www.patreon.com/posts/141561...
Your bedtime reading sorted over on our Patreon: www.patreon.com/posts/141561...
November 7, 2025 at 12:41 PM
“I eat when I’m hungry,” Aldrich explained while consuming her 10am lunch. “And I sleep when I’m tired. Speaking of which, it’s nearly time for my afternoon nap.”
Your bedtime reading sorted over on our Patreon: www.patreon.com/posts/141561...
Your bedtime reading sorted over on our Patreon: www.patreon.com/posts/141561...
Reposted by The Daily Tism
Karen Hoyland, 48, only has to glance at your profile image and a handful of posts in order to declare you “very high functioning”, despite never having met or spoken to you in her life.
Amazing! This neurotypical woman can assess your support needs from just your profile picture
A non-autistic woman has wowed experts with her uncanny ability to decipher exactly how disabled you are based solely on your online presence. Karen Hoyland, 48, only has to glance at your profile…
thedailytism.com
November 7, 2025 at 2:31 PM
Karen Hoyland, 48, only has to glance at your profile image and a handful of posts in order to declare you “very high functioning”, despite never having met or spoken to you in her life.
Karen Hoyland, 48, only has to glance at your profile image and a handful of posts in order to declare you “very high functioning”, despite never having met or spoken to you in her life.
Amazing! This neurotypical woman can assess your support needs from just your profile picture
A non-autistic woman has wowed experts with her uncanny ability to decipher exactly how disabled you are based solely on your online presence. Karen Hoyland, 48, only has to glance at your profile…
thedailytism.com
November 7, 2025 at 2:31 PM
Karen Hoyland, 48, only has to glance at your profile image and a handful of posts in order to declare you “very high functioning”, despite never having met or spoken to you in her life.
“I eat when I’m hungry,” Aldrich explained while consuming her 10am lunch. “And I sleep when I’m tired. Speaking of which, it’s nearly time for my afternoon nap.”
Your bedtime reading sorted over on our Patreon: www.patreon.com/posts/141561...
Your bedtime reading sorted over on our Patreon: www.patreon.com/posts/141561...
November 7, 2025 at 12:41 PM
“I eat when I’m hungry,” Aldrich explained while consuming her 10am lunch. “And I sleep when I’m tired. Speaking of which, it’s nearly time for my afternoon nap.”
Your bedtime reading sorted over on our Patreon: www.patreon.com/posts/141561...
Your bedtime reading sorted over on our Patreon: www.patreon.com/posts/141561...
Reposted by The Daily Tism
“Believe me, I wish I could turn it off,” Livingstone insisted. “Do you think I want to remember my ex-plumber’s birthday every year because he mentioned it the one time he fixed my toilet? Now he thinks I’m in love with him.”
Unsubscribe! Autistic man illegally storing your data in his brain
An autistic man has found himself in breach of the Data Protection Act after illegally accumulating an encyclopaedia of information about you in his own memory, it has been reported. Dexter…
thedailytism.com
November 7, 2025 at 10:01 AM
“Believe me, I wish I could turn it off,” Livingstone insisted. “Do you think I want to remember my ex-plumber’s birthday every year because he mentioned it the one time he fixed my toilet? Now he thinks I’m in love with him.”
Reposted by The Daily Tism
Me pretending to not know your deep lore so I don’t seem like a creep
“Believe me, I wish I could turn it off,” Livingstone insisted. “Do you think I want to remember my ex-plumber’s birthday every year because he mentioned it the one time he fixed my toilet? Now he thinks I’m in love with him.”
Unsubscribe! Autistic man illegally storing your data in his brain
An autistic man has found himself in breach of the Data Protection Act after illegally accumulating an encyclopaedia of information about you in his own memory, it has been reported. Dexter…
thedailytism.com
November 7, 2025 at 11:23 AM
Me pretending to not know your deep lore so I don’t seem like a creep