Shadows of Control
@shadowsofcontrol.bsky.social
Writer, researcher, and survivor championing the fight against coercive control and domestic abuse. Freedom begins with awareness. https://shadowsofcontrol.substack.com/
When an abuser controls the story, they don’t just rewrite the past — they rewrite how the world sees you and how you see yourself.
shadowsofcontrol.com/articl...
shadowsofcontrol.com/articl...
When the Abuser Controls the Narrative and Everyone Believes It
Explore how abusers control the narrative and manipulate perceptions, undermining the truth and impacting victims profoundly.
shadowsofcontrol.com
November 30, 2025 at 3:31 AM
When an abuser controls the story, they don’t just rewrite the past — they rewrite how the world sees you and how you see yourself.
shadowsofcontrol.com/articl...
shadowsofcontrol.com/articl...
When they apologize but follow it up with “but you shouldn't have done...,” that’s not a real apology. That’s blame-shifting. It’s a subtle way of turning the responsibility back on you.
You don’t have to accept apologies that feel like attacks.
You don’t have to accept apologies that feel like attacks.
November 29, 2025 at 10:29 PM
When they apologize but follow it up with “but you shouldn't have done...,” that’s not a real apology. That’s blame-shifting. It’s a subtle way of turning the responsibility back on you.
You don’t have to accept apologies that feel like attacks.
You don’t have to accept apologies that feel like attacks.
Gaslighting is psychological manipulation that makes you question your own reality. Lies, denial, twisting words, and constant blame are all tactics abusers use to maintain control. Understanding these signs is the first step toward reclaiming your power.
shadowsofcontrol.substack.c...
shadowsofcontrol.substack.c...
Recognizing Gaslighting: 15 Warning Signs to Be Aware Of
Gaslighting is a manipulative strategy used to gain dominance and control over someone.
shadowsofcontrol.substack.com
November 29, 2025 at 3:10 AM
Gaslighting is psychological manipulation that makes you question your own reality. Lies, denial, twisting words, and constant blame are all tactics abusers use to maintain control. Understanding these signs is the first step toward reclaiming your power.
shadowsofcontrol.substack.c...
shadowsofcontrol.substack.c...
Abusers don’t harm you 24/7. It’s the in-between kindness that keeps you hopeful, confused, and stuck.
#DomesticAbuseAwareness
#DomesticAbuseAwareness
November 29, 2025 at 12:30 AM
Abusers don’t harm you 24/7. It’s the in-between kindness that keeps you hopeful, confused, and stuck.
#DomesticAbuseAwareness
#DomesticAbuseAwareness
You never have to heal or ‘get over’ something on someone else’s timeline. Your journey is uniquely yours. Honor the pace at which you are moving forward. #HealingJourney
November 28, 2025 at 4:02 PM
You never have to heal or ‘get over’ something on someone else’s timeline. Your journey is uniquely yours. Honor the pace at which you are moving forward. #HealingJourney
The hardest part isn’t what they said—it’s what you started believing. Undoing that damage takes time.
#AbuseRecovery
#AbuseRecovery
November 28, 2025 at 1:02 PM
The hardest part isn’t what they said—it’s what you started believing. Undoing that damage takes time.
#AbuseRecovery
#AbuseRecovery
Emotional abuse doesn’t just hurt — it rewrites your sense of worth, making you believe you're never enough, no matter how hard you try.
shadowsofcontrol.com/articl...
shadowsofcontrol.com/articl...
Why Survivors of Abuse Are Left Feeling They’re Never Enough
Uncover why survivors of domestic abuse often feel they are never enough, and the psychological control behind it.
shadowsofcontrol.com
November 28, 2025 at 3:30 AM
Emotional abuse doesn’t just hurt — it rewrites your sense of worth, making you believe you're never enough, no matter how hard you try.
shadowsofcontrol.com/articl...
shadowsofcontrol.com/articl...
When a partner refuses to help you when you’re ill, denies you access to care, or dismisses your pain, they’re sending a clear message: your well-being doesn’t matter to them. 🚩
November 27, 2025 at 10:29 PM
When a partner refuses to help you when you’re ill, denies you access to care, or dismisses your pain, they’re sending a clear message: your well-being doesn’t matter to them. 🚩
From daily decisions to life-altering choices, victims of coercive control have to survive by pleasing, appeasing, and staying small.
shadowsofcontrol.com/articl...
shadowsofcontrol.com/articl...
How Coercive Control Undermines a Victim’s Ability to Make Decisions
Learn how coercive control affects decision-making in relationships. Discover the lasting impact on a victim's autonomy and voice.
shadowsofcontrol.com
November 27, 2025 at 8:02 PM
From daily decisions to life-altering choices, victims of coercive control have to survive by pleasing, appeasing, and staying small.
shadowsofcontrol.com/articl...
shadowsofcontrol.com/articl...
It’s easier to judge the survivor than face how invisible and insidious abuse really is.
#VictimBlaming #DomesticAbuseAwareness
#VictimBlaming #DomesticAbuseAwareness
November 27, 2025 at 12:29 AM
It’s easier to judge the survivor than face how invisible and insidious abuse really is.
#VictimBlaming #DomesticAbuseAwareness
#VictimBlaming #DomesticAbuseAwareness
Anger after domestic abuse isn’t something to avoid—it’s often part of what sets us free.
shadowsofcontrol.com/articl...
shadowsofcontrol.com/articl...
Anger After Abuse Isn’t Destructive – It’s Healing
Understanding anger after abuse is crucial for healing. Discover how embracing your anger can be a powerful step forward.
shadowsofcontrol.com
November 26, 2025 at 8:02 PM
Anger after domestic abuse isn’t something to avoid—it’s often part of what sets us free.
shadowsofcontrol.com/articl...
shadowsofcontrol.com/articl...
If you’re the only one bending, shrinking, and giving—it's not love. It’s control.
#CoerciveControl
#CoerciveControl
November 26, 2025 at 1:02 PM
If you’re the only one bending, shrinking, and giving—it's not love. It’s control.
#CoerciveControl
#CoerciveControl
Leaving an abuser takes unimaginable strength. But when survivors finally speak—and their stories are met with doubt, judgment, or silence—it delivers another deep betrayal.
shadowsofcontrol.com/featur...
shadowsofcontrol.com/featur...
The Hidden Pain of Not Being Believed After Domestic Abuse
Understand the challenges survivors face when not being believed after abuse. Discover the importance of validation and support.
shadowsofcontrol.com
November 26, 2025 at 3:29 AM
Leaving an abuser takes unimaginable strength. But when survivors finally speak—and their stories are met with doubt, judgment, or silence—it delivers another deep betrayal.
shadowsofcontrol.com/featur...
shadowsofcontrol.com/featur...
Supporting someone in an abusive relationship means listening, believing, and offering practical help—not trying to “save” them. Emotional support, safety planning, and connecting them to resources can make a real difference.
shadowsofcontrol.substack.c...
shadowsofcontrol.substack.c...
Supporting Someone Experiencing Abuse
Observing someone go through abuse is difficult in any context.
shadowsofcontrol.substack.com
November 25, 2025 at 8:02 PM
Supporting someone in an abusive relationship means listening, believing, and offering practical help—not trying to “save” them. Emotional support, safety planning, and connecting them to resources can make a real difference.
shadowsofcontrol.substack.c...
shadowsofcontrol.substack.c...
Abusers use the silent treatment to punish & control. They ignore you after minor conflicts, making you feel isolated & desperate for approval. This #emotionalabuse plays on your need for connection, leaving you anxious & willing to compromise your boundaries.
November 25, 2025 at 4:02 PM
Abusers use the silent treatment to punish & control. They ignore you after minor conflicts, making you feel isolated & desperate for approval. This #emotionalabuse plays on your need for connection, leaving you anxious & willing to compromise your boundaries.
Coercive control can look like:
🔸 Monitoring your phone, social media, or finances.
🔸 Making decisions without your input.
🔸 Controlling where you go or who you see.
🔸 Punishing you emotionally or physically if you step out of line.
If this feels familiar, you may be experiencing coercivecontrol
🔸 Monitoring your phone, social media, or finances.
🔸 Making decisions without your input.
🔸 Controlling where you go or who you see.
🔸 Punishing you emotionally or physically if you step out of line.
If this feels familiar, you may be experiencing coercivecontrol
November 24, 2025 at 10:30 PM
Coercive control can look like:
🔸 Monitoring your phone, social media, or finances.
🔸 Making decisions without your input.
🔸 Controlling where you go or who you see.
🔸 Punishing you emotionally or physically if you step out of line.
If this feels familiar, you may be experiencing coercivecontrol
🔸 Monitoring your phone, social media, or finances.
🔸 Making decisions without your input.
🔸 Controlling where you go or who you see.
🔸 Punishing you emotionally or physically if you step out of line.
If this feels familiar, you may be experiencing coercivecontrol
Abusers mix cruelty with kindness, keeping you off-balance and hopeful. That’s not love—it’s manipulation.
#DomesticAbuseAwareness
#DomesticAbuseAwareness
November 24, 2025 at 1:02 PM
Abusers mix cruelty with kindness, keeping you off-balance and hopeful. That’s not love—it’s manipulation.
#DomesticAbuseAwareness
#DomesticAbuseAwareness
November 24, 2025 at 12:29 AM
Abusers make endless excuses to justify their behavior. They deflect blame, claim external causes, or deny responsibility—all to avoid accountability & keep you trapped in the cycle of abuse.
#DomesticAbuse
#DomesticAbuse
November 23, 2025 at 10:31 PM
Abusers make endless excuses to justify their behavior. They deflect blame, claim external causes, or deny responsibility—all to avoid accountability & keep you trapped in the cycle of abuse.
#DomesticAbuse
#DomesticAbuse
For some domestic abuse victims, religious communities become yet another place where their suffering is minimized, their voices stifled, and their abuser shielded.
shadowsofcontrol.com/articl...
shadowsofcontrol.com/articl...
Silenced in Church: When Religious Communities Dismiss Domestic Abuse
Explore how the church ignores domestic abuse, allowing survivors to feel unheard and unprotected within their communities.
shadowsofcontrol.com
November 23, 2025 at 8:02 PM
For some domestic abuse victims, religious communities become yet another place where their suffering is minimized, their voices stifled, and their abuser shielded.
shadowsofcontrol.com/articl...
shadowsofcontrol.com/articl...
Abuse often escalates in patterns. These are not random outbursts. They’re warning signs.
#RedFlags #DomesticViolence
#RedFlags #DomesticViolence
November 23, 2025 at 1:02 PM
Abuse often escalates in patterns. These are not random outbursts. They’re warning signs.
#RedFlags #DomesticViolence
#RedFlags #DomesticViolence
The digital age is accelerating a disturbing surge in domestic abuse among teenagers, yet the law continues to turn a blind eye to victims under 16.
shadowsofcontrol.com/in-the...
shadowsofcontrol.com/in-the...
Too Young to Be a Victim? Calls Grow to Change Domestic Abuse Laws for Under-16s
Abuse in teenage relationships is rising. Understand the challenges and legal gaps faced by vulnerable young individuals.
shadowsofcontrol.com
November 23, 2025 at 3:31 AM
The digital age is accelerating a disturbing surge in domestic abuse among teenagers, yet the law continues to turn a blind eye to victims under 16.
shadowsofcontrol.com/in-the...
shadowsofcontrol.com/in-the...
Abusers track every “favor” they do.
They say, “Remember when I paid for this?” or “I’ve always been there for you,” using it as proof of their “goodness.”
But real love doesn’t keep score or come with conditions. Healthy love isn’t a transaction.
They say, “Remember when I paid for this?” or “I’ve always been there for you,” using it as proof of their “goodness.”
But real love doesn’t keep score or come with conditions. Healthy love isn’t a transaction.
November 22, 2025 at 10:29 PM
Abusers track every “favor” they do.
They say, “Remember when I paid for this?” or “I’ve always been there for you,” using it as proof of their “goodness.”
But real love doesn’t keep score or come with conditions. Healthy love isn’t a transaction.
They say, “Remember when I paid for this?” or “I’ve always been there for you,” using it as proof of their “goodness.”
But real love doesn’t keep score or come with conditions. Healthy love isn’t a transaction.
Many don’t realize they’re in an abusive relationship until later. Abuse isn’t just physical—verbal, emotional, financial, and psychological control are just as damaging. Recognizing the signs is the first step toward freedom. #DomesticAbuse #KnowTheSigns #EndAbuse
shadowsofcontrol.substack.c...
shadowsofcontrol.substack.c...
Readers Share: “I Didn’t Realize I Was Being Abused”
Each week, I invite readers on social media to share their experiences of abuse or recovery to ensure their voices are heard.
shadowsofcontrol.substack.com
November 22, 2025 at 3:10 AM
Many don’t realize they’re in an abusive relationship until later. Abuse isn’t just physical—verbal, emotional, financial, and psychological control are just as damaging. Recognizing the signs is the first step toward freedom. #DomesticAbuse #KnowTheSigns #EndAbuse
shadowsofcontrol.substack.c...
shadowsofcontrol.substack.c...
Leaving doesn’t always mean the abuse ends. It often just changes form.
#PostSeparationAbuse
#PostSeparationAbuse
November 22, 2025 at 12:30 AM
Leaving doesn’t always mean the abuse ends. It often just changes form.
#PostSeparationAbuse
#PostSeparationAbuse