I have a whole different set of problems, and I understand what you're saying. I'm just waking up every day, trying to find some joy, fix what I can fix, and going to sleep. I'm sorry we're all going through our stuff, and none of us are alone.

not falling for this again

why not enjoy some delicious refried beans?

My favorite is titanium, cost $30, and does exactly the same thing as the plastic whistle that they included free with my white water rescue approved lifejacket (which is also bullshit).

I have, hmm, honestly, I have 9. Mostly because of assholes who specify a whistle color, which is bullshit, but whatever.

They probably don’t need one included in their t-shirt order.

It’s like ‘I’m carrying baking soda, in case acid based aliens try to abduct my neighbors’.

I don’t know if this is sarcasm, but Eddie Murphy is amazing, and I won’t dismiss anything he creates. Some duds, but always the potential for greatness in anything he touches.

pounding nail after nail into the coffin, screaming 'rest in peace, goddamit', in a panic.

Sorry. Hope it’s simple and no surgery.

Oh no. Hope it’s all bruises.